Do you think kids are nicer in public or private school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had two kids do a mix of public and private. A third did all public.

I and one of my siblings did a mix of private and public. Four more siblings did all public.

In my experience. Private kids are nicer, but public kids are kinder.

Same here, and I agree with your overall assessment. I did a mix of public and private, both for myself and for my kid. However, I'll also say that you get more extreme behavior in public without serious consequences (no expulsion). Fist fights, chair throwing, etc. There are also SOME private schools with an entire grade or entire student body of truly kind and empathetic kids. I don't know why this happens with some privates and not others, even when comparing non-cut throat, mixed SES privates with small-tp-medium student bodies.

[Anonymous]

A lot of time kids who struggle with poverty in families can come across as rude but a lot of times their head is aloof because food is not a guarantee like the super rich families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of time kids who struggle with poverty in families can come across as rude but a lot of times their head is aloof because food is not a guarantee like the super rich families.

^ and by super rich, what I meant was all these trad families that constantly benefit from unearned white privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say private school kids generally are nicer because:

1. There is an admissions filter for incoming students that rejects extremely bad behavior,
2. Their parents can devote significant resources to their children's educations, and
3. Social skills can be placed on the back burner when parents struggle to meet basic needs like food, shelter, and adequate childcare.

Every group has hierarchies and subgroups... Of course bullying can be ruthless in any group...

But in general, it's easier to be a decent human being when the most violent kids can't sit next to you in class, your family is investing money into your upbringing, and you're not hungry all the time.

You're not understanding OP's question. She said there are a bunch of bad behaved kids at her DD's public. So, she is considering going private to get away from that kind of behavior. But with private, she is worried that the kids will exhibit a DIFFERENT kind of behavior INSTEAD: meanness and entitlement. In other words, she is assuming better classroom behavior at the private, but she wants to know if her concerns about meaness are valid. Will she just trade one for the other? Obviously we can't answer that because it depends on the two schools she is comparing. So, ridiculous thread.

Thank you for understanding my dilemma. In public, it seems relatively easy to just avoid the poorly behaved kids. Current friend groups is great. I’m afraid my super sweet girl will learn or be the target of mean girl behavior.

I think that it is entirely possible you'll see meanness and entitlement at a private. I taught in public and private and experience the same kind of really aggressive and physical behaviors in both. The only difference is that in private, kids like that are removed after a few months or a year. In public, you are stuck with them forever. But, the amount of entitlement in some kids is just astounding.

It’s worse than that at public school now. Someone else posted this, though it is apropos

“the public schools don't want to have any rules or enforce the rules about cellphones then they should not have performance reviews for teachers anymore and the public school’s union officials need to start backing teachers and calling out corruption again bc NO ONE wants to teach in public school anymore bc they know it's a shtshw. Lastly, put some gosh dang cameras in the classrooms to protect teachers. We do he said she said bs with juvenile delinquents like striving to get the admin to support the public school teachers instead of manipulative tech addicted doped up tweens tweaking on prescribed uppers and given free passes to disrupt every single class to hide the shame of illiteracy.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not talking academics, just character and good kids. My DD is in public now. There are so many poorly behaved children. I don’t know if they are bad or just don’t listen. My daughter is a great kid. I’m afraid that she will become entitled and learn mean girl behavior in private.

Stop it.

Holton Arms just had mean girl social media behavior.

Screw off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had two kids do a mix of public and private. A third did all public.

I and one of my siblings did a mix of private and public. Four more siblings did all public.

In my experience. Private kids are nicer, but public kids are kinder.

Same here, and I agree with your overall assessment. I did a mix of public and private, both for myself and for my kid. However, I'll also say that you get more extreme behavior in public without serious consequences (no expulsion). Fist fights, chair throwing, etc. There are also SOME private schools with an entire grade or entire student body of truly kind and empathetic kids. I don't know why this happens with some privates and not others, even when comparing non-cut throat, mixed SES privates with small-tp-medium student bodies.

BS

Privates have the same amount of bad behaviors. They hide it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son was in one of the top public MS in FCPS.

He witnessed 2 fist-fights. I asked what the other boys did about it; apparently someone started taking bets on who would win. There were many other fights he didn’t personally witness.

Kids vaped in the bathrooms and got blowjobs in the stalls and the woods. For a TikTok challenge, one day kids all brought knives and other weapons to school, took photos and posted them back to TikTok. They still do this despite the lame metal detector (that program is just a money-making scam).

FCPS is circling the drain.

Sure MAGA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had two kids do a mix of public and private. A third did all public.

I and one of my siblings did a mix of private and public. Four more siblings did all public.

In my experience. Private kids are nicer, but public kids are kinder.

Same here, and I agree with your overall assessment. I did a mix of public and private, both for myself and for my kid. However, I'll also say that you get more extreme behavior in public without serious consequences (no expulsion). Fist fights, chair throwing, etc. There are also SOME private schools with an entire grade or entire student body of truly kind and empathetic kids. I don't know why this happens with some privates and not others, even when comparing non-cut throat, mixed SES privates with small-tp-medium student bodies.

BS

Privates have the same amount of bad behaviors. They hide it.

Of course they hide behavior. But often those kids are not asked to return. I'm not talking about run of the mill mean girl behavior or teasing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not talking academics, just character and good kids. My DD is in public now. There are so many poorly behaved children. I don’t know if they are bad or just don’t listen. My daughter is a great kid. I’m afraid that she will become entitled and learn mean girl behavior in private.

Stop it.

Holton Arms just had mean girl social media behavior.

Screw off.

Did you go to public or private?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By nicer do you mean kinder? More polite? something else? Nice is a trash can word, as my English teacher used to say.

+1
I went to a private HS. The kids may have been better behaved and had more polished manners, but there was plenty of meanness and bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had two kids do a mix of public and private. A third did all public.

I and one of my siblings did a mix of private and public. Four more siblings did all public.

In my experience. Private kids are nicer, but public kids are kinder.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My children are adults and teens. We live in a wealthy neighborhood with a mix of private and public school families. From my experience, the character is the same. Some private school kids have more polished manners at an earlier age, taught to them explicitly at their school... but manners have nothing to do with character.

Specifically for middle school shenanigans, I would say it can be challenging at any school, and it depends on the group that you end up in.

But I really need to insist here that CHARACTER is not equal to MANNERS.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had two kids do a mix of public and private. A third did all public.

I and one of my siblings did a mix of private and public. Four more siblings did all public.

In my experience. Private kids are nicer, but public kids are kinder.

Same here, and I agree with your overall assessment. I did a mix of public and private, both for myself and for my kid. However, I'll also say that you get more extreme behavior in public without serious consequences (no expulsion). Fist fights, chair throwing, etc. There are also SOME private schools with an entire grade or entire student body of truly kind and empathetic kids. I don't know why this happens with some privates and not others, even when comparing non-cut throat, mixed SES privates with small-tp-medium student bodies.

BS

Privates have the same amount of bad behaviors. They hide it.

Of course they hide behavior. But often those kids are not asked to return. I'm not talking about run of the mill mean girl behavior or teasing.

They will be asked to return if they are the kids of donors. And if it's a small k-12, they will be asked to return every single year and there is no way to avoid them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By nicer do you mean kinder? More polite? something else? Nice is a trash can word, as my English teacher used to say.

Funny. I was going to say something similar...it depends on what you mean by " nice" OP. I think private school kids often ( not always) tend to have better manners and know how to speak to adults. They can also be more manipulative and meaner..they often have a more sophisticated way of appearing nicer when they're not..A sort of "Eddie Haskell" character from Leave it to Beaver.

[Anonymous]

Well, today, I witnessed the meanest thing I've ever seen by a student. Private school.