Is it normal for siblings to be hyper jealous of you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These responses are crazy. I can’t help but think they hit too close to home for jealous people.
My siblings are very jealous of me. The OP is talking about financial wealth but I am talking about the wealth of creating a loving family which is a not something we grew up with and something that they were not successful in doing. All of my siblings have greater financial wealth but they are in miserable marriages and have miserable kids. There is nothing I can do to change this. Neither can the OP.

what do you mean by “miserable kids”?

+1. What a sad attitude who could be jealous of someone so hateful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These responses are crazy. I can’t help but think they hit too close to home for jealous people.
My siblings are very jealous of me. The OP is talking about financial wealth but I am talking about the wealth of creating a loving family which is a not something we grew up with and something that they were not successful in doing. All of my siblings have greater financial wealth but they are in miserable marriages and have miserable kids. There is nothing I can do to change this. Neither can the OP.

what do you mean by “miserable kids”?

NP
However, both of my siblings have miserable kids despite having everything they want in life

Their adult kids -
Won’t launch
Still at home
Stepper adult kids - who won’t move out their big beautiful home
Kids outta wedlock
Baby momma - daddy issues w that
Cars - they keep crashing
Constantly digging into their $ to bail them out.

You follow ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These responses are crazy. I can’t help but think they hit too close to home for jealous people.
My siblings are very jealous of me. The OP is talking about financial wealth but I am talking about the wealth of creating a loving family which is a not something we grew up with and something that they were not successful in doing. All of my siblings have greater financial wealth but they are in miserable marriages and have miserable kids. There is nothing I can do to change this. Neither can the OP.

what do you mean by “miserable kids”?

NP
However, both of my siblings have miserable kids despite having everything they want in life

Their adult kids -
Won’t launch
Still at home
Stepper adult kids - who won’t move out their big beautiful home
Kids outta wedlock
Baby momma - daddy issues w that
Cars - they keep crashing
Constantly digging into their $ to bail them out.

You follow ?

Sounds like they were from broken homes. Not exactly ideal or "having everything".

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read the thread but I’m assuming there were signs before this look on her face?

Passive aggressive comments? Digs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she didn't say anything negative, just had a look on her face?

she did not say anything negative, but the look on the face says it all, it's like she was trying very hard to pretend to be happy for me.

So…you are basing this on a look on her face only? Do I have that right?

Yes for the nth time. It’s her sister. You live with someone for 18 years you know what a face means unless you are a complete egghead

Yep. A face, a pause, a particular tone ... these "you can tell just by her FACE?!" responses are either disingenuous or oblivious. My sister and I have 40+ years of history, I know exactly when she's taking a jab at me, making an actual joke or not-really-a-joke, or trying to hide jealousy.

Siblings are often competitive, OP. That doesn't necessarily change when you're an adult. Heck, adults in general are competitive/jealous about all kinds of material things, including (maybe especially!) houses! People are acting like *gasp* that never happens and it's on YOU if you notice it. Give me a break.

The difference, IMO, is in how people handle their reaction as adults. Some people can truly be happy about someone else's success/having luck/having nice things, some people just fundamentally respond negatively and are better or worse at hiding that. When we moved into our current house, we had some friends who were surprised/taken aback by how much nicer it was than the house we had during most of the time they had known us. But they made it a whoa-but-good-for-you kind of thing. I have a SIL who is definitely the type to "keep score" on things like how nice family members' houses are, cars, etc. -- but she also manages to (mostly) keep her comments in the realm of nosiness (not nastiness) and can always find something nice to say. You just hear a lot more of the nice things if the thing is nicer, lol. The extended family knows about her competitive streak, smiles/nods and changes the subject rather than leaning into it.

My sister is the opposite. When she considers something I have "lesser," or doesn't care about it, she gushes. If she considers the thing/experience nicer than what she has available, responding positively sticks in her craw -- and it is noticeable in her face/reaction/tone. I've seen this play out in various conversations about a lot of people/situations over the years, not just in regards to myself/our relationship. She usually manages to get a polite response out in the moment, the conversation moves on; her reaction doesn't need to be a big thing or even something we talk about. But I do know what it means, and sometimes as a result I tiptoe around certain topics, don't mention things, or downplay things before she can. Fun family dynamics!

Though I will say that IMO "hyper jealous" from one incident seems a bit strong, to me it would take repeated incidents and keeping-up-with-the-Joneses type of actions to reach that level. But that's me.

Agree with this PP. Thank you for the nuanced response, not the immediate judgment like other PP’s.

[Anonymous]

OP it sounds like you are not close. I have had to accept things for my own sanity. I am not close with my sister so have no expectations, but I think I created a closeness with my mom in my head that is not reality. She is never happy for me when I share good news, and it took me a long time accept that and stop sharing. She would criticize getting a custom home-not even hide it-just scowl and nasty. To have a relationship at all, I just meet her where she is and keep expectations low. Hopefully your friends could be happy for you. Most importantly, hopefully YOU and your spouse love your place!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These responses are crazy. I can’t help but think they hit too close to home for jealous people.
My siblings are very jealous of me. The OP is talking about financial wealth but I am talking about the wealth of creating a loving family which is a not something we grew up with and something that they were not successful in doing. All of my siblings have greater financial wealth but they are in miserable marriages and have miserable kids. There is nothing I can do to change this. Neither can the OP.

what do you mean by “miserable kids”?

NP
However, both of my siblings have miserable kids despite having everything they want in life

Their adult kids -
Won’t launch
Still at home
Stepper adult kids - who won’t move out their big beautiful home
Kids outta wedlock
Baby momma - daddy issues w that
Cars - they keep crashing
Constantly digging into their $ to bail them out.

You follow ?

Sounds like they were from broken homes. Not exactly ideal or "having everything".

One sibling has steppers
One doesn’t

Still miserable.

[Anonymous]

It’s amazing how many people weave a story around the OP.
Why do you think that is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is the first your sister was hearing about this house then you aren't very close. It takes a long time to custom build and people ask for updates along the way. You wanted to have some big reveal meaning you haven't talked to her much in the years leading up to this moment. A normal sibling relationship would have included discussing the house previously. You got a huge kick out of this whole thing, clearly. You got the reaction you wanted.

Really? My brother and I both built our houses. We live in different states and no one was asking for updates. We just saw each other’s new homes during routinely planned visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is the first your sister was hearing about this house then you aren't very close. It takes a long time to custom build and people ask for updates along the way. You wanted to have some big reveal meaning you haven't talked to her much in the years leading up to this moment. A normal sibling relationship would have included discussing the house previously. You got a huge kick out of this whole thing, clearly. You got the reaction you wanted.

Really? My brother and I both built our houses. We live in different states and no one was asking for updates. We just saw each other’s new homes during routinely planned visits.

Really? When my family visited they walked the new house at various stages of construction. We talked about plans, next steps, building phases. Again, doesn’t sound like some families are very close if you don’t talk about a major financial undertaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is the first your sister was hearing about this house then you aren't very close. It takes a long time to custom build and people ask for updates along the way. You wanted to have some big reveal meaning you haven't talked to her much in the years leading up to this moment. A normal sibling relationship would have included discussing the house previously. You got a huge kick out of this whole thing, clearly. You got the reaction you wanted.

Really? My brother and I both built our houses. We live in different states and no one was asking for updates. We just saw each other’s new homes during routinely planned visits.

Really? When my family visited they walked the new house at various stages of construction. We talked about plans, next steps, building phases. Again, doesn’t sound like some families are very close if you don’t talk about a major financial undertaking.

Umm no. Your family is just very emeshed. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is the first your sister was hearing about this house then you aren't very close. It takes a long time to custom build and people ask for updates along the way. You wanted to have some big reveal meaning you haven't talked to her much in the years leading up to this moment. A normal sibling relationship would have included discussing the house previously. You got a huge kick out of this whole thing, clearly. You got the reaction you wanted.

Really? My brother and I both built our houses. We live in different states and no one was asking for updates. We just saw each other’s new homes during routinely planned visits.

Really? When my family visited they walked the new house at various stages of construction. We talked about plans, next steps, building phases. Again, doesn’t sound like some families are very close if you don’t talk about a major financial undertaking.

Umm no. Your family is just very emeshed. Yuck.

I come from an enmeshed family. What pp described is a supportive family who understands what a big deal it is to build a house. They showed interest and listened because it is important to pp and they are a good family. My family wouldn't even come to the housewarming, but would take the fact that I built a house to mean I have "extra" money that should go to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is the first your sister was hearing about this house then you aren't very close. It takes a long time to custom build and people ask for updates along the way. You wanted to have some big reveal meaning you haven't talked to her much in the years leading up to this moment. A normal sibling relationship would have included discussing the house previously. You got a huge kick out of this whole thing, clearly. You got the reaction you wanted.

Really? My brother and I both built our houses. We live in different states and no one was asking for updates. We just saw each other’s new homes during routinely planned visits.

Really? When my family visited they walked the new house at various stages of construction. We talked about plans, next steps, building phases. Again, doesn’t sound like some families are very close if you don’t talk about a major financial undertaking.

Umm no. Your family is just very emeshed. Yuck.

Agree. Plus who wants see a home under construction?

Ehhh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is the first your sister was hearing about this house then you aren't very close. It takes a long time to custom build and people ask for updates along the way. You wanted to have some big reveal meaning you haven't talked to her much in the years leading up to this moment. A normal sibling relationship would have included discussing the house previously. You got a huge kick out of this whole thing, clearly. You got the reaction you wanted.

Really? My brother and I both built our houses. We live in different states and no one was asking for updates. We just saw each other’s new homes during routinely planned visits.

Really? When my family visited they walked the new house at various stages of construction. We talked about plans, next steps, building phases. Again, doesn’t sound like some families are very close if you don’t talk about a major financial undertaking.

Yeah No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is the first your sister was hearing about this house then you aren't very close. It takes a long time to custom build and people ask for updates along the way. You wanted to have some big reveal meaning you haven't talked to her much in the years leading up to this moment. A normal sibling relationship would have included discussing the house previously. You got a huge kick out of this whole thing, clearly. You got the reaction you wanted.

Really? My brother and I both built our houses. We live in different states and no one was asking for updates. We just saw each other’s new homes during routinely planned visits.

Really? When my family visited they walked the new house at various stages of construction. We talked about plans, next steps, building phases. Again, doesn’t sound like some families are very close if you don’t talk about a major financial undertaking.

Umm no. Your family is just very emeshed. Yuck.

Lol. Talking about a house is enmeshed? Ok.