Tips for peaceful long car drive with kids in the backseat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Screens and devices duh.

Actually I have found the key to be never letting kids use devices in the car. You give them paper and crayons, you listen to podcasts and music, you tolerate them saying "I'm bored." When they whine you tell them "when I was a kid I passed the time by looking at books or daydreaming." Eventually they learn to read and they read in the car, or draw, or listen to podcasts and music, or talk to each other or you.

Relying on devices guarantees they never figure out how to occupy themselves in the back of the car, it in a plane, or waiting in line, or during adult swim at the pool, or after school, or pretty much ever.

It's a short term solution and a long-term problem.

To each their own but this is an insane theory. Turns out you can both daydream and have time to use iPad!

I've found that the folks that put the most restrictions on iPad and screen use end up with the kids that are the most glued to them when they get them and then their kids are always asking to use them or for more time. When iPad use isn't reserved for special times or as a treat, it works out better for everyone.

PP here and it's not a theory. Time tested my friend.

But in any case I never said we didn't allow screens at all. Kids got screen time at home and we allowed it on long plane rides and at the destination. But early on we decided no screens in the car and no screens at restaurants or other social events (I think there was one wedding where we let our youngest spend most of the reception on a device because it enables the rest of us to enjoy ourselves). We just suffered through the tough years and the kids acclimated and as a result we have never struggled to get kids to self-entertain. They get phones and iPads now but they self moderate and will even tell us "hey get your nose out of the phone" instead of the other way around.

I would never have friends like you.

But anyways, you can’t compare a long road trip or airplane ride to using an iPad at a restaurant or wedding. I get not wanting to use iPads on short drives but this isn’t that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your kids are brats at that age 3 hours should be a no brainer

Pick some toys put them away in a bag just for car trips
Screens movies or shows downloaded to an iPad no brainer with headphones for them

Family music make a playlist you can all sing to in the car and do it. Have some fun with your kids

Snacks small bento type boxes they help fill before leaving same with drinks

This really is not hard

I have way more kids then you 4 boys 2 girls and never once had a car problem this is your mistake people who have these issues are lazy .

I have to agree, sorry.

And so what if they are being annoying in the backseat. You don't have to keep stopping and catering to them. Just drive and they will deal.

We did a ton of long car rides because we took a break from flying for a few hrs during Covid (and mine were younger). Lots of good ideas on things to keep them occupied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is our 2nd road trip ever with kids. All of our relatives & grandparents live local, within 30 min. drive. Their schools are a few minutes away drive from home, and all of camps/classes are within 5 min to max 1 hr drive. I think the biggest 2 problems is DH listening to his favorite metal music while driving & the 6 year old talking nonstop/bothering 9 year old. I can't complain much because he is the driver, and he says that he wants to enjoy his drive listening to his music. No one loves that heavy metal music in the car, except him.

We are flying to CA from DC in August, and I have to make sure that they both have window seats to look at clouds.

Oh wait.. I am a sucker. This is clearly a TROLL...lol good one.

+1 OP completely buried the lede that this DH is ridiculous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just did a 17 hour trip over two days with our 9 and 11 year old and survived. Only heard whining for about 3 hours.

First, I picked up some audiobooks and “wonder books” (books that are physical books but also read to you) from the library. I also requested a ton of highly desirable series for each kid. I did not let them see the books until we left the house. That brought hours and hours of peace.

I downloaded shows and movies to the iPad. I use those only after we’ve driven for quite some time and have done a lot of other things first.

They also like games in the car. We have Spotify so we each get to choose a song and take turns. That can amuse them as long as two hours. If your DH does not agree he can listen to music with headphones.

We also play a game where someone chooses a category like vegetables and everyone takes a turn saying something in that category in alphabetical order. Like A - asparagus and so on. We let each person choose a category.

Those LCD writing tablets are very cheap and good for hangman.

We also bring tons of snacks.

This is us. Our max daily is about 16-18 hrs, though we have done a 24 hr long haul broken into 2 days. Kids are fine and quite used to it as we road trip a lot. I cannot imagine 1.5 hr or 3 hrs being a difficult drive.

We leave super early in the morning (like 3-4AM) so that kids will sleep for the first few hrs. They'll wake up around 6/7AM and we will take a break. We stop at rest stops along the way and we usually do stretching, jogs, or similar exercise for about 15 minutes. Sounds silly but it really helps the kids to settle in the car. Get back in and read for 2 hrs. Break at rest stop for the excercise. Continue for 2 hrs with electronics. Break for exercise. 2 hrs readying/drawing/non-screen activity. and continue that cycle until destination. We back all food ahead of time and do not stop for food on the way so we have lunch/snacks at the rest stops.

We do so many long hauls that we have the roadtripping down to a science at this point. At least, this is what works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is our 2nd road trip ever with kids. All of our relatives & grandparents live local, within 30 min. drive. Their schools are a few minutes away drive from home, and all of camps/classes are within 5 min to max 1 hr drive. I think the biggest 2 problems is DH listening to his favorite metal music while driving & the 6 year old talking nonstop/bothering 9 year old. I can't complain much because he is the driver, and he says that he wants to enjoy his drive listening to his music. No one loves that heavy metal music in the car, except him.

We are flying to CA from DC in August, and I have to make sure that they both have window seats to look at clouds.

Oh wait.. I am a sucker. This is clearly a TROLL...lol good one.

+1 OP completely buried the lede that this DH is ridiculous

Oh, got it. Def a troll. This is all so silly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is our 2nd road trip ever with kids. All of our relatives & grandparents live local, within 30 min. drive. Their schools are a few minutes away drive from home, and all of camps/classes are within 5 min to max 1 hr drive. I think the biggest 2 problems is DH listening to his favorite metal music while driving & the 6 year old talking nonstop/bothering 9 year old. I can't complain much because he is the driver, and he says that he wants to enjoy his drive listening to his music. No one loves that heavy metal music in the car, except him.

We are flying to CA from DC in August, and I have to make sure that they both have window seats to look at clouds.

Oh wait.. I am a sucker. This is clearly a TROLL...lol good one.

+1 OP completely buried the lede that this DH is ridiculous

Oh, got it. Def a troll. This is all so silly

I mean someone is always the driver and most adults would rather listen to their own music, audiobook, podcast. We make the minor compromise of listening to kid-friendly stuff at least some of the time to make the drive enjoyable for them too and because they are also part of the family! I can't even believe the nonsense OP wrote in the followup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just did a 17 hour trip over two days with our 9 and 11 year old and survived. Only heard whining for about 3 hours.

First, I picked up some audiobooks and “wonder books” (books that are physical books but also read to you) from the library. I also requested a ton of highly desirable series for each kid. I did not let them see the books until we left the house. That brought hours and hours of peace.

I downloaded shows and movies to the iPad. I use those only after we’ve driven for quite some time and have done a lot of other things first.

They also like games in the car. We have Spotify so we each get to choose a song and take turns. That can amuse them as long as two hours. If your DH does not agree he can listen to music with headphones.

We also play a game where someone chooses a category like vegetables and everyone takes a turn saying something in that category in alphabetical order. Like A - asparagus and so on. We let each person choose a category.

Those LCD writing tablets are very cheap and good for hangman.

We also bring tons of snacks.

Where did you go for 17 hours drive?

We drove from the Chicago area to Colorado. A few years ago when the boys were younger we drove from the Chicago area to South Dakota so this was only 2-3 hours more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is our 2nd road trip ever with kids. All of our relatives & grandparents live local, within 30 min. drive. Their schools are a few minutes away drive from home, and all of camps/classes are within 5 min to max 1 hr drive. I think the biggest 2 problems is DH listening to his favorite metal music while driving & the 6 year old talking nonstop/bothering 9 year old. I can't complain much because he is the driver, and he says that he wants to enjoy his drive listening to his music. No one loves that heavy metal music in the car, except him.

We are flying to CA from DC in August, and I have to make sure that they both have window seats to look at clouds.

Oh wait.. I am a sucker. This is clearly a TROLL...lol good one.

+1 OP completely buried the lede that this DH is ridiculous

Oh, got it. Def a troll. This is all so silly

I mean someone is always the driver and most adults would rather listen to their own music, audiobook, podcast. We make the minor compromise of listening to kid-friendly stuff at least some of the time to make the drive enjoyable for them too and because they are also part of the family! I can't even believe the nonsense OP wrote in the followup.

I'm the driver in my family and there's no way I'd make everyone listen to country music the whole drive. We listen to whatever everyone is mostly okay with. I'd whine too if I had to listen to metal music for more than a minute. DH can use headphones.

OP might want to think about whether she's contributing to the problem by treating this length of drive as a big deal and something to be endured, because it's just not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is our 2nd road trip ever with kids. All of our relatives & grandparents live local, within 30 min. drive. Their schools are a few minutes away drive from home, and all of camps/classes are within 5 min to max 1 hr drive. I think the biggest 2 problems is DH listening to his favorite metal music while driving & the 6 year old talking nonstop/bothering 9 year old. I can't complain much because he is the driver, and he says that he wants to enjoy his drive listening to his music. No one loves that heavy metal music in the car, except him.

We are flying to CA from DC in August, and I have to make sure that they both have window seats to look at clouds.

Oh wait.. I am a sucker. This is clearly a TROLL...lol good one.

+1 OP completely buried the lede that this DH is ridiculous

Oh, got it. Def a troll. This is all so silly

I mean someone is always the driver and most adults would rather listen to their own music, audiobook, podcast. We make the minor compromise of listening to kid-friendly stuff at least some of the time to make the drive enjoyable for them too and because they are also part of the family! I can't even believe the nonsense OP wrote in the followup.

I'm the driver in my family and there's no way I'd make everyone listen to country music the whole drive. We listen to whatever everyone is mostly okay with. I'd whine too if I had to listen to metal music for more than a minute. DH can use headphones.

OP might want to think about whether she's contributing to the problem by treating this length of drive as a big deal and something to be endured, because it's just not.

Totally agree with this last paragraph. We just say "we're doing X" and try to get kids excited about the destination. A 10hr flight is one thing. A 1-3hr drive is basically "do you ever want to go on vacation or ever be somewhere that's not our same town?"

[Anonymous]

We do multiple 8-10 hour road trips to visit family a year with our 3 kids and have since they were babies. I don’t love it, but it’s cheaper than flying and my dh is a terrible
flyer so we do it. One of our kids also gets carsick so screens are limited to the last 1.5-2 hrs of the trip other than audio (it’s “not
fair” that two can do screens and one can’t without puke so this is now the rule). I now make them pack their own bags full of snacks, notebooks, books, stickers, games, crafts, iPads, chargers, etc. If they don’t they will be hungry and bored. We listen to 1 or 2 podcasts as a family (how stuff works, wow in the world, smash boom best) and then everyone does their own thing. Coupled with a longer lunch break it goes by somewhat quickly.

There’s typically some drama and occasionally puking but we get through it. OP you’re the parent, you set the rules and boundaries. I tell my kids I’m not turning around 500 times and if they want screens for any part of the journey they need to chill and they know
I mean it. They also do not want to stoke the ire of the driver (dh) who does not listen to metal but will subject them to hours of Phish.

[Anonymous]

Mine are similar ages and pack their own activity bags with snacks, books, stuffed animals, drawing/coloring supplies, word search/ game books, depending on their interests, but I'm betting a huge part of why it goes fine is we've done it many, many, many times. I can't imagine stopping 3 times in a 3-hour trip. Were you stopping due to fighting or bathroom breaks?

You can count cows, print out a car bingo game, look for license plates, look for convertibles or cars of a certain color, look for all the letters of the alphabet outside the car, do math word problems, but don't force it. One of mine likes to do these and one doesn't.

I usually listen to my music but on some trips let them choose some but never something I hate.

[Anonymous]

As others said, download movies, audio books, etc before hand. Audio books connected to the car system that we all listened to really worked well.

Use your phone’s hotspot to give them internet access if they want play games online.

Snacks. I pack their usual snacks just more of them, and get a few different ones so that they can snack. It sometimes really helps with the bickering when they’re busy eating.

Travel more often. Your kids are not used to it, if they’ve only been in a car ride longer than 1.5 hours once in 3 years, of course it’s new to them and boring. So travel more often, they’ll get their groove.

Ignore the bickering. Learn to shut it out unless they start physically fighting, the bickering gives them something to do.

They’ll grow out of it. So don’t let the bickering stop you from going places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As others said, download movies, audio books, etc before hand. Audio books connected to the car system that we all listened to really worked well.

Use your phone’s hotspot to give them internet access if they want play games online.

Snacks. I pack their usual snacks just more of them, and get a few different ones so that they can snack. It sometimes really helps with the bickering when they’re busy eating.

Travel more often. Your kids are not used to it, if they’ve only been in a car ride longer than 1.5 hours once in 3 years, of course it’s new to them and boring. So travel more often, they’ll get their groove.

Ignore the bickering. Learn to shut it out unless they start physically fighting, the bickering gives them something to do.

They’ll grow out of it. So don’t let the bickering stop you from going places.

Agree with you mostly. But honestly, if the kids don’t travel and can’t find anything to observe out the car window over the course of a relatively short drive, OP has bigger issues. We are talking about elementary school aged kids, not toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As others said, download movies, audio books, etc before hand. Audio books connected to the car system that we all listened to really worked well.

Use your phone’s hotspot to give them internet access if they want play games online.

Snacks. I pack their usual snacks just more of them, and get a few different ones so that they can snack. It sometimes really helps with the bickering when they’re busy eating.

Travel more often. Your kids are not used to it, if they’ve only been in a car ride longer than 1.5 hours once in 3 years, of course it’s new to them and boring. So travel more often, they’ll get their groove.

Ignore the bickering. Learn to shut it out unless they start physically fighting, the bickering gives them something to do.

They’ll grow out of it. So don’t let the bickering stop you from going places.

Agree with you mostly. But honestly, if the kids don’t travel and can’t find anything to observe out the car window over the course of a relatively short drive, OP has bigger issues. We are talking about elementary school aged kids, not toddlers.

But what is there to “observe” on most highway rides? Some routes are scenic, but most highways, you don’t see much observing from a window. It’s usually other cars, billboards, forest / greenery, or barrier walls. It’s once you get to more rural roads that can observe, but otherwise, most highways do not have such a varied an interesting scenery to observe.

[Anonymous]

We do audio books (we have listened to Harry Potter and Percy Jackson). We also find a lot of podcasts (my kids love Science Solved it). They also like to draw and we provide lots of snacks. Also they usually nap.

We don't do reading or devices because of car sickness and also because I think they need to learn to figure things out and be bored.