Anyone else struggle with the veneer of professionalism?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in govt and I’ve found that the people who are most politic/want to get ahead do adopt a very bizarre corporate persona. It’s one of the reasons I’ve stayed at my lowish level, although certainly not the only or most important reason. It’s like they couch everything in the same faux niceties and adopt the same ways of addressing people (as folks or y’all). So many words to say one thing. I usually just respond in normal speak when I’m addressed this way.

I relate to this. The agency directors I’ve worked for are bland, measured and seem to have one set of emotions—not too happy, just pleasant, never angry, sad, or even overly concerned. Very blah, talk in cliches. I promoted up but realized I could never get to their level because I didn’t want to learn this skill, if it’s a skill, or I just don’t have the innate personality for this.

1000% this. Because it isn’t a personality. It’s being a robot. Maybe some people can be that or fake being that but it’s a huge effort to essentially act like much of your innate humanity has been left in the office lobby. Where does it end? Are any emotions professional? How do you know which ones?

[Anonymous]

What’s an agency director? Is that a Club Fed thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to know what PPs feel they can't be candid about.
My experience is that when people say they can't be as candid as they'd like, the things they wish they could say are pretty inappropriate. If being your authentic self means being rude, ageist, dismissive of others, etc., or talking national politics at work, please continue to keep the quiet parts quiet.

I'm an executive. I can't be candid about the fact that my peers have very poor management skills. They all became executives because they were outstanding individual contributors. Low communication and dispute resolution skills. Why would I be candid? I can't fix them or the management structure.

And the inability to say that makes you feel so "inauthentic" you want to quit your job? Because OP is saying the inability to express [something] is basically career ending. I can't imagine caring that much about my peers' weaknesses.

(You could, by the way, try to get management skills added to both the hiring quals and the mandatory coaching execs get.)

NP. Because OP is a millennial navel gazer who cannot get past her ideologies. She probably posts on TikTok about how unfair and unmanageable the workplace is.

[Anonymous]

The act is part of the work. There is no perfect path. That said, it sounds like you’re on the verge of a breakdown - can you take a leave of absence?

[Anonymous]

I honestly couldn’t care less about this stuff. I’ll be honest to my boss and others, while being constructive. No point in being fake. You only got one life dude

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in govt and I’ve found that the people who are most politic/want to get ahead do adopt a very bizarre corporate persona. It’s one of the reasons I’ve stayed at my lowish level, although certainly not the only or most important reason. It’s like they couch everything in the same faux niceties and adopt the same ways of addressing people (as folks or y’all). So many words to say one thing. I usually just respond in normal speak when I’m addressed this way.

I relate to this. The agency directors I’ve worked for are bland, measured and seem to have one set of emotions—not too happy, just pleasant, never angry, sad, or even overly concerned. Very blah, talk in cliches. I promoted up but realized I could never get to their level because I didn’t want to learn this skill, if it’s a skill, or I just don’t have the innate personality for this.

It’s a skill called professionalism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in govt and I’ve found that the people who are most politic/want to get ahead do adopt a very bizarre corporate persona. It’s one of the reasons I’ve stayed at my lowish level, although certainly not the only or most important reason. It’s like they couch everything in the same faux niceties and adopt the same ways of addressing people (as folks or y’all). So many words to say one thing. I usually just respond in normal speak when I’m addressed this way.

I relate to this. The agency directors I’ve worked for are bland, measured and seem to have one set of emotions—not too happy, just pleasant, never angry, sad, or even overly concerned. Very blah, talk in cliches. I promoted up but realized I could never get to their level because I didn’t want to learn this skill, if it’s a skill, or I just don’t have the innate personality for this.

It’s a skill called professionalism.

That’s actually not the definition of professionalism at all and this misapprehension is part of the issue

[Anonymous]

I don’t know I can’t relate. I act professional because it makes it easier for the company to acheive goals when I act like that and I get paid well based on achieving those goals.


I’ll save my pity for people who have to pretend to be cheerful while serving French fries 2,000 times a day for like $12 an hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s an agency director? Is that a Club Fed thing?

PP, not federal, but government. The head of a department. I worked for a few, their deputies, and knew some of their peers from other agencies. A lot of them had MPA degrees, so I guess they planned specifically to be in government administration. I got near their level and wondered if I would have learned their way of dampening their personalities from this degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in govt and I’ve found that the people who are most politic/want to get ahead do adopt a very bizarre corporate persona. It’s one of the reasons I’ve stayed at my lowish level, although certainly not the only or most important reason. It’s like they couch everything in the same faux niceties and adopt the same ways of addressing people (as folks or y’all). So many words to say one thing. I usually just respond in normal speak when I’m addressed this way.

Nothing wrong with folks and y'all. I sat those and I'm a nasty curmudgeon at the bottom of the ladder.

[Anonymous]

^^and I'll add: they were competent and knew what they were doing. Part of that was acting the way they did. They got farther than I did.

[Anonymous]

^^and I'll add that they were competent and knew what they were doing including how they acted. They got to the top positions, and I and many others did not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know I can’t relate. I act professional because it makes it easier for the company to acheive goals when I act like that and I get paid well based on achieving those goals.


I’ll save my pity for people who have to pretend to be cheerful while serving French fries 2,000 times a day for like $12 an hour.

Is not misery Olympics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s an agency director? Is that a Club Fed thing?

PP, not federal, but government. The head of a department. I worked for a few, their deputies, and knew some of their peers from other agencies. A lot of them had MPA degrees, so I guess they planned specifically to be in government administration. I got near their level and wondered if I would have learned their way of dampening their personalities from this degree.

Dampening personalities is a great way of putting it

Depends on your line of work and natural persona

[Anonymous]

I work in a big bank. It is not a good match for me. I speak to the point, without pretense. At work, I need to use empty words because everyone does it.

The level of backstabbing, favoritism, hazing , gaslighting is unreal. It comes from the very top. The company likes to put people against each other and see who survives.

I am burned out. I am exhausted. I also feel like there is a better job out there for me, so I keep my hopes up and look for new opportunities.