Out of towners......ugh.
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Anonymous
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My SIL is the queen bee of everyone in her life, i. e. senior position at work, micromanages her adult children, etc. My DH is her much younger brother and she sees him as her oldest child (he's 42....). She and my BIL visit periodically as DH and I have two DC's under 3. No matter what is happening in our professional and personal lives, SIL assumes they are staying at our house. She used to assume we'd do airport drop-off/pick ups and give them one of our cars to use, but that got nixed once the first DC was born. There is absolutely no financial reason they can't stay in a hotel. SIL stays with us to be "family like the old days" when she and DH were growing up. This is ironic since she and I have never gotten along and while I am not blameless overall, I've absolutely been the adult for the last 5 years and tried to make inroads with her to no effect. Also, my BIL is great and we get along really well, which I'm sure displeases her.
SIL knows that I don't like home visits but does not care. This upcoming visit will be particularly difficult for us due to professional and DC related issues and I begged DH please, just this once, make them get s hotel. DH flatly refused, stating that SIL would make the visit a nightmare for him and the rest of us. That she would take it as a personal insult. My mind was blown. Now now, I know there are a variety of opinions here as far as house guests and expectations, but I can't understand the burning desire to be somewhere under circumstances which are very tough on the host. My own family does hotels and rental cars every time, no issue whatsoever. Do I just let this one go for DH's sake? Either way, she's coming and I can't stop her....,, |
Anonymous
| You should check into a hotel for the duration of her visit. Let him deal with her shit. |
Anonymous
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Do what you can and don't do what you can't reasonably do. If you can't pick up/drop off at the airport, JUST DON'T. If you can't provide a car, JUST DON'T. If you can't provide every meal, JUST DON'T.
Tell her up front, "Here's what I can do, and here's what I can't do." Then let her decide if she wants to visit/stay with you/stay in a hotel, whatever. |
Anonymous
| Wow, you sound like a major bitch! I don't love my inlaws either, but I would never make them stay in a hotel. Wth is wrong with you? They are visiting to spend time with you all. And I can't imagine not picking/dropping off at the airport. |
Anonymous
Not OP, but no, you are the bitch. Either that or too stupid to read properly, can't tell which |
Anonymous
Wow....hit a nerve 
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Anonymous
| Please go stay in a beautiful hotel. It is your husband's home as well as yours so he is justified in letting his family visit but that doesn't mean you have to stay. Better yet you should go visit your family. |
Anonymous
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Op here - I knew I'd incite a reaction among some people who are in the "family is family no matter what" camp. My question really isn't directly at those folks since we will always disagree.
I'm not interested in being treated poorly by someone who doesn't care about me at all, "family" notwithstanding. My own immediate family respects our privacy and boundaries, which ironically DH really appreciates during their visits. We're all adults. I don't need to seek approval. |
Anonymous
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Can you call her yourself and say something like a PP suggested about what you can and cannot do, and let them make the choice to still stay with you or in a hotel?
As in "just want to let you know I am going to be so busy with XYz that I was planning on take out or sandwiches those nights, plus we need the car for X and Y so I can't promise availability of transportation for you. Also on X night we have to do Y so hopefully you can find something fun to do while we're out." |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
You should check into a hotel for the duration of her visit. Let him deal with her shit. #1. Fantastic. |
Anonymous
This. |
Anonymous
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Why do you get married if what you are looking to do is to live an independent existence akin to when you were single?
I don't fault anyone for wanting their privacy, etc but in that case just live by yourself. Being married entails making some sacrifices when it comes to extended family. |
Anonymous
| 21:24 - read the post. A one time request due to circumstances, denied nonetheless. |
Anonymous
| I do think you're over-reacting. Her visit doesn't need to be a big issue unless you make it a big issue. |
Anonymous
| I would LOVE to hear SIL's side of the story here. |