DS so easily frustrated!

[Anonymous]

DS age 10 has always been the type to get frustrated easily. He also doesn't listen when you explain something to him so it is a bad combination! Two weeks into school and we have already reverted back to the same homework issues we have every year. He gets stuck on a math problem, freaks out, won't listen to my attempts to help and starts yelling and crying that I "keep interupting him," I "don't know what I'm doing," etc. I try to stay calm but it is very hard. This year I told him that he needs to talk to the teacher when he doesn't understand something because I won't be involved if he's going to act like that. So he did ask the teacher, and it sounds like she gave him a prompt and then asked him to figure out the rest, and he orally did and she "yes"-ed him -- but when I got home from work I asked him if he talked to the teacher about the problem and he proudly said yes and then gave me the wrong answer! Which started another crying and yelling incident because he kept saying that the teacher said it was right. My main concern is that he can't handle frustration and speeds through things too quickly - this is not a good path to be on! If you have experience with this can you please give me some tips to help DS respond more calmly and carefully so he can work through difficult schoolwork.
(My sub-problem is that the teacher doesn't seem to have noticed his mistake nor does it seem she was paying much attention to his questions - which defeats my attempts to have DS work directly with the teacher. But I need to take that one up with the teacher ...)

[Anonymous]

You are way too involved... I got frustrated reading your post.

[Anonymous]

A few questions: Is it only math homework or homework in general? What time do you do homework? Is he hungry? With one of my kids, homework started IMMEDIATELY after school while having a snack. Give him a little control - do you want to do math first or spelling? Once he is calm, can you have a discussion about his attitude and your expectations?

[Anonymous]

One step at a time, OP.

He asked his teacher for help which is a good thing. It's okay if he got the wrong answer.

Also, what kind of math is it? Do you have manipulatives that he can visually see his work?

[Anonymous]

yes, I've had this problem with my DS. It was worse probably around 8/9. At 10, it's a bit better. I have had to tell him numerous times that crying and yelling (on both our parts) doesn't help, that his reaction leads to my reaction, that we both need to calm down and speak calmly and respectfully to each other.

He interrupts a lot when I'm trying to explain something to him because what he wants is just the answer, and not a detailed explanation of how to get the answer. I never tell him the answer. I guide him to get to the right answer, and that frustrates him. I have had to tell him repeatedly that I will *never* tell him the answer.

When/if my DS tells me I don't know what I'm doing repeatedly, I just back off. I say, "OK, then you can figure it out or talk to the teacher." If he brings home the wrong answer (as you stated), then I would write a note or email the teacher and ask the teacher to go over the problem again with your DS because you don't think he's getting it.

The other thing you can try is getting a workbook or find a source online that has the types of math problems he is working on. The workbook and/or online resource should also provide guidance on how to tackle the problem. I think I just got a newsletter from my DS's school about a HW hotline. See if your school has one.

[Anonymous]

You are *way* too involved. Your child has a teacher, let them do their job. My job is to provide a place, time, and supplies to do homework. Kid's job is to do the homework. By age 10, our process was for kid to do homework. If they got to a problem they could not work out, they skipped it and finished all the problems they could finish. Then she went back to skipped problems and set a 5 minute timer per problem. She worked the problem for 5 minutes. If she got it, great. If not, she knew the next step was to ask her teacher for extra help.

[Anonymous]

Math is really different these days. If they've been taught a certain method in school, and you present a very different path to the correct answer, it can be really frustrating for kids. I get the need to check up on your kid - there were so many in DS's class last yr - he has ADHD & would fall behind if the teacher wasnt tuned in all the way that day.

I ask DS to teach me how to do a homework problem step by step. I don't actually wind up saying much - he does the talking. Even if his solution is longer and more beleaguered than I would have done it, I let him move on & do the rest without comment. I don't watch - just check it at the end.

If he's made a computational error, I just ask him if he's sure those two numbers add to what he's written. For logic errors, I use the same approach: hmm. You've divided the numerator, but not the denominator - don't you have to be fair when reducing fractions? It's all semantics, but I get so much less pushback when I'm not *telling* him stuff.