I have a question about Internet porn

[Anonymous]

I don't yet have a school aged child but I am aware of how wired kids are because I have teen step children. I have also seen the most graphic porn on the Internet, really easily, and for free. Anything you can imagine is there for the viewing. Even if your child has parental controls, your friend's child may not. Who is to say that young kids, in the tween years, are not being exposed to, I don't know, a woman having sex with four men simultaneously. I'm not trying to be puritanical, but won't this impact their future intimate relationships? I'm just wondering how people deal with it, or do we all kind of pretend it's not going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is a big worry that pornography is affecting what teens expect in relationships. I don't know what to do about it, other than talking to kids about love and respect etc....

[Anonymous]

IMO, you can't control what they see, but you can talk to them about what porn is, in general, according to your values. I tell mine that I'm not against the concept of porn, but that I do know much of it is very fake, and a lot of it involves deceit, coercion, and in some cases, illegal sex trafficking. A lot of those amateur videos are uploaded by men without their girlfriend's/wife's/partner's knowledge. And that sex in real life isn't always like that. Sex is very individual between you and a particular partner. We of course have always talked about consent, too, long before any conversations about porn. It's all just part of that ongoing discussion about sex, relationships, values, etc.

[Anonymous]

My dd is 12 and we just had a talk about porn after she told me her close friend saw porn on her dad's iPad. We talked about how that's not how real people have sex, that it's not how real people look when they're having sex, and that doing porn is not an acceptable career choice for her.

[Anonymous]

Just a warning. This isn't only a "tween and teen" concern. My son learned about internet porn in aftercare when he was in second grade and I've had to restrict and prohibit internet access periodically since that time. He was fascinated with it. Kids with older siblings have way too much information to share.

[Anonymous]

Yes i have an 11 yr old boy and have just come to the grim realization that this must be part of our regular "talks." I say talkS plural because as you know, there isn't just one.

He has a 13-yr-old friend and they play CoC frequently together. I asked my DS if he has seen naked people on the internet, or if he is interested in seeing naked people on the internet. He said "I have so little time on the internet, I would not want to waste it looking at pictures of naked people" so curiosity has not caught up with him yet. But it will become part of our regular talks! Oh joy!

My current favorite parenting book is "Masterminds and Wingmen" - from the author of "Queenbees and Wannabees"

I got the suggestion for this book on this forum- any others are greatly appreciated.

[Anonymous]

https://sexualintelligence.wordpress.com/2011/12/23/your-kid-looks-at-porn-now-what/

[Anonymous]

There was a program on recently that interviewed kids that come home from school and watch porn. Starting age was 9, both male and female.

If you think your kid doesn't watch it, you are being naive.

[Anonymous]

i always laugh when people say porn stars are not real people having sex. umm they are skinny, wear lots of makeup, heels, and have some good lighting... but beyond the lighting it is real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dd is 12 and we just had a talk about porn after she told me her close friend saw porn on her dad's iPad. We talked about how that's not how real people have sex, that it's not how real people look when they're having sex, and that doing porn is not an acceptable career choice for her.

Why would you even go there?

[Anonymous]

I agree with talking to your kids about it, but I don't agree that we should just give up on trying to make access to porn more difficult. There are a lot of great porn blockers for networks - that will block porn on all internet to the house when on. Buc Tools is one of them. Porn is now being seen as a public health issue. Traumatic images cannot be erased from their brains and can form very unhealthy ideas about sex. I really think that we should be as vigilant as possible as parents about preventing "easy" access.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd is 12 and we just had a talk about porn after she told me her close friend saw porn on her dad's iPad. We talked about how that's not how real people have sex, that it's not how real people look when they're having sex, and that doing porn is not an acceptable career choice for her.

Why would you even go there?

Seriously. WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd is 12 and we just had a talk about porn after she told me her close friend saw porn on her dad's iPad. We talked about how that's not how real people have sex, that it's not how real people look when they're having sex, and that doing porn is not an acceptable career choice for her.

Why would you even go there?

Because that's our relationship. We talk about things, like choices people make, and when she can make big choices about her life. She remembers when she went through the phase of using the poles on the buses and trains as if they were stripper poles, and we joke about that. So we talked about WHY someone goes into that career and where their thinking might be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd is 12 and we just had a talk about porn after she told me her close friend saw porn on her dad's iPad. We talked about how that's not how real people have sex, that it's not how real people look when they're having sex, and that doing porn is not an acceptable career choice for her.

Why would you even go there?

Because that's our relationship. We talk about things, like choices people make, and when she can make big choices about her life. She remembers when she went through the phase of using the poles on the buses and trains as if they were stripper poles, and we joke about that. So we talked about WHY someone goes into that career and where their thinking might be.

Wait, how did she "use poles on the bus like stripper poles?" Just because she was swinging around them?

Jesus Christ you are REALLY messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i always laugh when people say porn stars are not real people having sex. umm they are skinny, wear lots of makeup, heels, and have some good lighting... but beyond the lighting it is real.

Agreed. It's just women trying to mask their contempt for it in a politically correct way.