Why do I find other people's kids so annoying?
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Anonymous
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DS is four. He is not an angel all of the time, for sure. However, recently, I find that most of the other kids that I know who are his age or close to his age are MUCH more annoying than he is. They whine, cajole their parents for stuff, throw tantrums, etc. It's not that DS doesn't do these things -- I just feel like it is much less frequent than other kids that I know and significantly less annoying when he does it.
I figure that the reason that I find DS less annoying is one of two possibilities: 1. DS really is less annoying. He may have a temperament that is easier to manage at this stage of his development. 2. I have become 'that mom' that only sees her child in glowing light and refuses to see how annoying he is or to admit his mistakes. I am glossing over his bad behavior while being very aware of other kids' bad behavior. Since DS is an only child (not by choice so please don't criticize), I am very worried about possibility #2. I don't want to over-coddle him, spoil him, or let him off easy. But I'm not sure what is what? What do DCUM readers think? When DS was two and three, he tended to push my button more than other kids. That gives me hope that #1 could be true(?). |
Anonymous
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He's your own kid. That's why you find him less annoying.
That's it. Same answer for any parent. Same answer if you had a 2nd. |
Anonymous
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You see all the sweet and awesome and amazing moments of his life as well as his annoying moments. You're only seeing the other kids in small chunks of time in which they might be annoying, so you have nothing to balance that out.
Also, we all find our kids less annoying than other kids. Because they're ours and biologically we are engineered to love them even when they're being in a pain in the ass. |
Anonymous
| Also, I think kids act out much more when they are stressed in some way, such as by exhausted parents, annoying siblings, chaotic households, etc. A 4-year-old singleton may have fewer of these stresses than the average 4-year-old in a family with more kids. |
Anonymous
Yup. I love my kids, and I like some of their friends. But most other kids I basically tolerate (in the nicest way possible). Btw, I assume most people feel the same way about my kids; it's hard for me to fathom that there are people out there who just like kids. Although I know there must be. |
Anonymous
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It's probably both, honestly. Kudos to you for entertaining the possibility that it's number 2 - most parents probably wouldn't even think about it. DC1 is as mild as milk, DC2 can be occasionally feisty at home but well-behaved in public, and their friends are all generally low-key as well, because that's the kind of people we like. I do see some kids at pick-up time who are quite a handful! |
Anonymous
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OP here: it is reassuring that so many people find their kids less annoying than other people's kids. So it is not just me. A close friend told me that she finds her own child much more annoying than other people's kids, which is one of the reasons that I thought that I might be over the top forgiving of DS's faults. (And her child is one of the kids that I also find much more annoying than DS).
Anyone find their kids more annoying than other people's kids, like my friend? |
Anonymous
No, but, answering your original question, I find SOME other people's kids extremely annoying.. and for good reason. We quit hanging out with the couple whose older daughter's behavior was just bugging the hell out of me. The kid whined, didn't take turns, ran around like crazy, and generally was so tiresome I couldn't take her another minute. Coincidentally, my daughter sort of cooled of on that friendship, so out of the window it went. |
Anonymous
| other people find your kid as annoying as you find theirs. Trust me. |
Anonymous
| It's #2 and that's fine. As PPs said, we are biologically conditioned to view our kids in a loving light. So perhaps it would be more accurate to say, regardless whether the situation is #1 or #2, i.e. whether your kid is "better" or "worse" behaved than others, you are likely to perceive them more positively. So it's probably more effective to just set reasonable standards for behavior and enforce them consistently, rather than to worry whether your kid is objectively "better." |
Anonymous
| I have moments of both - times I find my kid more and less annoying than the general population. When I find him annoying, I think part of that is because I have high standards and low tolerance (I need to chill out more). When I find others kids annoying, which is frequent, hark back to my first answer plus even less tolerance since I don't have an attachment to them. My kid is a singleton, too (never heard that term until dcum), and I do think the poster above is onto something in that kids become more whiny, acting out via sibling stressors, which are nonexistent for only children (this becomes very apparent to me in settings where we get together or go on outings with several other families). |
Anonymous
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It is because it is your kid, and you don't let your kid do the things that annoy the hell out of you. But no everyone has the same buttons... so rest assured that your kid is annoying other adults in other ways.
For example: I can not STAND it when a child repeatedly interrupts adults. Drives me nuts. My kids have learned not to do this, and they don't. However, my friend's kids are ALWAYS interrupting adults. She doesn't even notice or care. On the flip side, her kids are not allowed to run in the house or take toys out of their bedrooms. It just isn't allowed. My kids are often bouncing off the walls, with toys throughout the house. I'm sure it drives her nuts, but it really just does not bother me at all. Different strokes for different folks. |
Anonymous
I feel that way about people in general: I love my family. I like my friends. I basically tolerate most other people. That goes for kids as well as non-kids. |
Anonymous
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You see only a snapshot of time with other people's kids and so you compare your child, who you see much more often, to that snapshot of the kid. It's hard to remember that you see 60-90% of your child's life and maybe 2-5% of another child's life and it's hard to really get an accurate comparison.
I have 4 yo twins and although their behavior is only slightly different, one feels so much better than most other kids his age and other feels so much worse than other kids of his age. The former child follows directions, minds his manners, and is generally a rule-follower. He does have his moments of tantrums when he's not feeling well, when he's tired or when his brother is doing things he doesn't like, but generally is a pretty easy-going and easy child. The latter is the same most of the time, but his outbursts and tantrums are much more frequent. No matter how much we do the things he likes, it's never enough...he always wants one more ride, another cookie (that may be because they get them infrequently), he wants to pick what they do even when it's his brother's turn, and on and on. It used to be better, but in the last few months, the complaining and mini-tantrums have escalated in frequency and it feels so much harder. I know he's only slightly more difficult than his brother, but it feels so much more. I also have to get off the cycle of comparing them (as I've done here) because it only makes it harder for us. |