Have you ever known someone who doesn't seem able to have more than one friend at a time?

[Anonymous]

I have a very old friend since childhood. We've always remained friends long distance. A few years ago each of us moved and what resulted was that we were closer (6 hours instead of across the country). We hung out a lot with our families, taking turns driving to the other. Both families got along really well - us, kids and husbands so it was great. I began to make new friends in my community fairly quickly. My friend was always invited and included. I always made sure she felt comfortable and my new friendships did not impact the frequency we got together. It took her longer but she's made one good friend and almost instantly I felt a distance from her and a coldness in her behavior. When we came to a party and met these friends she was bizarre in her lack of proper introductions. I took it as maybe being socially uncomfortable or not knowing what to do. But the coldness and distance has continued. We do an annual trip every year and now they will be doing it with them I just found out. I am very hurt. She initiates visits far less often now and when I reach out about a potential visit, she's often busy with this new friend and her family. I want her to have local friends of course but I see no reason why that should impact our friendship at all. Is she only capable of having one close friend? It's the only thing I can come up with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a very old friend since childhood. We've always remained friends long distance. A few years ago each of us moved and what resulted was that we were closer (6 hours instead of across the country). We hung out a lot with our families, taking turns driving to the other. Both families got along really well - us, kids and husbands so it was great. I began to make new friends in my community fairly quickly. My friend was always invited and included. I always made sure she felt comfortable and my new friendships did not impact the frequency we got together. It took her longer but she's made one good friend and almost instantly I felt a distance from her and a coldness in her behavior. When we came to a party and met these friends she was bizarre in her lack of proper introductions. I took it as maybe being socially uncomfortable or not knowing what to do. But the coldness and distance has continued. We do an annual trip every year and now they will be doing it with them I just found out. I am very hurt. She initiates visits far less often now and when I reach out about a potential visit, she's often busy with this new friend and her family. I want her to have local friends of course but I see no reason why that should impact our friendship at all. Is she only capable of having one close friend? It's the only thing I can come up with.

I recommend you read Quiet by Susan Cain if you truly want to understand your friend. Obviously your are more extroverted and she is an introvert. And there is nothing at all wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a very old friend since childhood. We've always remained friends long distance. A few years ago each of us moved and what resulted was that we were closer (6 hours instead of across the country). We hung out a lot with our families, taking turns driving to the other. Both families got along really well - us, kids and husbands so it was great. I began to make new friends in my community fairly quickly. My friend was always invited and included. I always made sure she felt comfortable and my new friendships did not impact the frequency we got together. It took her longer but she's made one good friend and almost instantly I felt a distance from her and a coldness in her behavior. When we came to a party and met these friends she was bizarre in her lack of proper introductions. I took it as maybe being socially uncomfortable or not knowing what to do. But the coldness and distance has continued. We do an annual trip every year and now they will be doing it with them I just found out. I am very hurt. She initiates visits far less often now and when I reach out about a potential visit, she's often busy with this new friend and her family. I want her to have local friends of course but I see no reason why that should impact our friendship at all. Is she only capable of having one close friend? It's the only thing I can come up with.

I recommend you read Quiet by Susan Cain if you truly want to understand your friend. Obviously your are more extroverted and she is an introvert. And there is nothing at all wrong with that.

There is something wrong with how cold OP's friend is acting now though, and how she can't even properly introduce her to her new friends. They've known each other since childhood, barring some sort of incident, argument, or disagreement why would she suddenly be distant?

[Anonymous]

Yes, she is a more introverted than I. Accept everyone the way they are, yes. But it's also not a free pass to treat a great friend like shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a very old friend since childhood. We've always remained friends long distance. A few years ago each of us moved and what resulted was that we were closer (6 hours instead of across the country). We hung out a lot with our families, taking turns driving to the other. Both families got along really well - us, kids and husbands so it was great. I began to make new friends in my community fairly quickly. My friend was always invited and included. I always made sure she felt comfortable and my new friendships did not impact the frequency we got together. It took her longer but she's made one good friend and almost instantly I felt a distance from her and a coldness in her behavior. When we came to a party and met these friends she was bizarre in her lack of proper introductions. I took it as maybe being socially uncomfortable or not knowing what to do. But the coldness and distance has continued. We do an annual trip every year and now they will be doing it with them I just found out. I am very hurt. She initiates visits far less often now and when I reach out about a potential visit, she's often busy with this new friend and her family. I want her to have local friends of course but I see no reason why that should impact our friendship at all. Is she only capable of having one close friend? It's the only thing I can come up with.

I recommend you read Quiet by Susan Cain if you truly want to understand your friend. Obviously your are more extroverted and she is an introvert. And there is nothing at all wrong with that.

There is something wrong with how cold OP's friend is acting now though, and how she can't even properly introduce her to her new friends. They've known each other since childhood, barring some sort of incident, argument, or disagreement why would she suddenly be distant?

People grow apart. It happens. She needs to have a face to face heart to heart conversation with this friend to get to the bottom of what has changed and what they plan to do about it.