What are some tips on keeping the love in a marriage over the years?

[Anonymous]

At 35 I realize that life happens and its easy to get lazy and take the bond that you have for granted. When people told me when I was a little younger that marriage took "work", I never understood, now I get it. What are some tips on keeping things fresh, keeping marriage as a focus as life takes over, babies are born, parents get older etc. Would be great to hear from those married and also who have been divorced.

[Anonymous]

Never stop doing nice things for your spouse. Find little things which will improve their day.

[Anonymous]

I'm younger than you, but here are some things I do:
- make sure that every day i've said "i love you"
- every day i smile at him
- a few times a week i ask myself "when was the last time i did something to make him feel special?"
- we go out at least once a week without kids

[Anonymous]

I'm curious. If you're under 35, why are you posting in the 50 and over sub forum? Nothing against you, I just wonder.

[Anonymous]

We still hold hands when we go out. We try to have lunch once a week.

I get him his favorite beers. He gets me flowers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious. If you're under 35, why are you posting in the 50 and over sub forum? Nothing against you, I just wonder.

Not OP, but people over 50 will have experience on this that her peers won't.

[Anonymous]

Of course, you're right, PP. The question was for the poster before that, who was posting advice and saying she was younger than 35. I'm always curious about people like that.

[Anonymous]

All of the above, ie I make an effort to be nice to him. Try to be the best listener. Express appreciation when he is nice to me.

If he enjoys an activity or sport that we can do together, ie sailing, I do it, even though I am not wild about it.

Also, I dress the way he likes me to dress.

Follow The Rules -- I try always to be "happy and busy."

[Anonymous]

My H and I take off work 10 times a year and go on a date, during a work day... kids in school.

Understand that everybody is attracted to other people and at some point somebody will be attracted to you... don't cheat.

[Anonymous]

Yes, do nice things for each other. Very important! But also learn to accept the things you cannot change about the person (provided he/she is not abusive) while at the same time learning to carve out your own space in the relationship - which is something you do have some control over.

[Anonymous]

Realize that there will be times when you will really really despise your spouse and think of divorcing. Don't over react. It will eventually pass.