Jealous Sibling
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| Anyone have one? What did you do about it? Did you bother trying to foster a relationship? Curious. |
Anonymous
| What is your role in the jealousy. Start there. |
Anonymous
| OP here. I am the jealous sibling. I am sure this can be a broad question, without me providing too much personal information, which I know is your next question. |
Anonymous
|
I guess I should be the jealous sibling. I'm MUCH poorer, significantly less educated, single, have fewer friends, am the uglier one (by a long shot), and my sibling has a dog and health insurance while I have neither. There are times when I feel kind of jealous.
But I try to appreciate what I do have, and encourage him to appreciate what he has (and he mostly does). We have a great relationship despite our differences. He's not a dick about them (or apologizes when he is by accident) and shares when he can. So for example, he let me drive his Mercedes once, I get to play with their dog, last weekend he bought me fancy organic cotton candy grapes I would never have bought for myself, etc. Also, I've never been a huge Oprah fan. But mentally, I do a gratitude journal. It helps me focus on what I DO have, and appreciate my life for what it is. |
Anonymous
| I grew up in the shadow of my sibling so to speak. He was our parents chosen one but it wasn't his fault. So I blame more my parents for putting a child in that position. The key for me is to concentrate on myself on shake off the believes someone else put in you. |
Anonymous
Interesting. Ever think "the chosen one" is jealous of you? Has anyone ever heard of this? |
Anonymous
I have seen the chosen one be jealous when there is so much family pressure put on them to succeed because they are smart or beautiful or have a skill. Either way the chosen one has to then create their own independence and not live up to expectations and one can only do that on their own. So if the chosen one is jealous the chosen one needs to work on creating healthy boundaries with parents in order for them to not run the show. |
Anonymous
|
Humm... I've got a younger brother who is more selfish and makes a ton of money and buys all sorts of toys. I didn't realize exactly what he meant until he rolled up one day and I did a mental calculation that between the massive truck pulling the insanely long trailer with three custom 4-wheel drive jacked up mudding machines he has spent well over 100K just on weekend toys.
That lead to me considering that while I work 60 -70 hours a week and have two graduate degrees and a wall full of professional certificates and stress my brain every day dealing with lawyers he did an undergrad degree and lived off my parents for a few years until he bought his business and spends his days do a lot less mental work and has more time to play and make a lot more money than I do. Jealous.... yeah... kind of... but not significantly.... but then again I did position the nieces and nephews in the yard this past summer so that his fancy sports car was behind their bb gun target. that brought a smile to may face... |
Anonymous
|
You could be jealous of anyone. The fact that you are jealous of a sibling means you are still engaged in making sure you win your parent's love.
If you were completely financially independent and mature then you wouldn't feel as panicked re your parents love - and no reason for the sibling jealousy. |
Anonymous
Wow. That is some major dime store psychology. By your own statement you can be jealous of anyone and by implication for any reason but you the claim that if a person is jealous of a sibling then the ONLY reason for that jealousy is due to a competition for parental love. That is flawed logic because you've excluded all other reasons for jealousy that one might have towards those who are not sibling simply because the jealousy is directed towards a sibling. |
Anonymous
OP here. Thank you for your input. I don't want this to devolve into an argument, just experiences, thanks. |
Anonymous
|
I come from a large family with all of us only having a High School education. I landed the best job in the world paying great money, benefits and retirement while the rest of them work in service related jobs making minimal pay and no real retirement.
To make matters worse, I have a great looking wife and trouble free teenagers that are going to college. My siblings have all the opposite. Although we never talk about money, trips, cars, toys, etc. it can be very difficult when around my family because of the hidden jealousy. Just arriving at a family gathering in a new car is like walking on egg shells. Although none of my siblings act negative towards me, I know plenty is said behind our backs. Jealousy, either hidden or in the open is difficult to deal with. |
Anonymous
|
DH is jealous if his siblings for good reason. His oldest brother got the lion's share of parental attention because his dad was determined that he would become a world class musician, which he now is - first chair violin for a world class symphony, a million dollar instrument, world travel, glamour. He was the third son and by the time he came along no one had time for pictures or parties. He was told that there was no time for Boy Scouts or sports teams even though his older brothers got to play. So he basically spent his childhood alone and ignored. A few years after him was born the only girl, and when she was old enough, all of a sudden there WAS time for Girl Scouts and other activities, but not for him. He's the only sibling who didn't go to college (complicated, but it boils down to no one really noticed him through high school, no one cared.)
The sad thing is they're all gone now (one died, and the others are scattered on opposite coasts) but my DH has always lived within 10 miles so he will be at their beck and call for house repairs, medical appointments, etc. He does everything for them but his siblings will always be spoiled golden children. (literally his mom, in her 70s, will still drive 300 miles to clean her daughter's kitchen and bath. |
Anonymous
|
It sucks to be the middle child. I am sorry for your DH's pain.
I hope you can help him realizing he is important and seen! |
Anonymous
|
Have you ever watched the movie "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" with Joan Crawford and Bette Davis? They play sisters who were once actresses. Also interesting are the Hollywood stories about sister-rivals Olivia de Havilland and Joan Fontaine. And don't forget the story of Joseph and his brothers from the Bible. And also, there is the story from the Bible of the prodigal son and the jealous brother. The moral of the story is the brother didn't ask for what the father gave to the prodigal son.
Jealous siblings can harm us throughout life. My sister would often say that she was the evil sister and I was the good sister. She was born with a disability that was corrected by age four, when I was born. However, she was very used to the attention by nurses, doctors, and being the first grandchild. Really, I never did anything to her to make her jealous except take time and attention away from her that used to belong to only her. Sometimes the sibling who seems to have everything is the one who is the most jealous, simply because she or he doesn't want anyone to have anything better. My cousin is like that. She has a tough time being genuinely happy for other cousins or her sister. |