6 Year Hates School Just As A General Rule
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Anonymous
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DS is in first grade this year, and he throws a fit in the morning. He doesn't want to go to school because, in his words, "it's boring." I have to literally drag him out of the house.
All his life, he's never wanted to go to school. But I just (naively) assumed that after YEARS of daycare, preschool, and kindergarten, that he'd have....well...learned to suck it up a bit by first grade. We've never once wavered, never once said, "you're bored? Okay, stay home!" But no. He insists on fighting the fight every day, still, even though we make him go every day regardless. What do I do with this? I'm exhausted looking at another school year of tantrum mornings. The silver lining is that he does quite well once he's at school. Every teacher, including the current one, reports a happy, engaged child who behaves in an age-appropriate manner while he is actually at school. In fact, if I mention the tantrums he throws about going in the morning, the teacher looks at me like I have 9 heads because the child she sees is very cooperative and pleasant. And academically, he performs right on grade level, so it's not that he's not bored because he's brilliant and needs to skip a grade. I guess he just really doesn't like school. And I feel for that at some level, but...life is full of boring things we all have to do. For the last two years he has had AMAZING teachers, he's been lucky enough to land in the classes all the parents want their children to land in. If it was one year or one teacher or one class I'd get it, but this is systemic with this kid. I'm not sure how to make the scenario any better for him. Anyone else BTDT? |
Anonymous
| My son has hated school since kindergarten. No tantrums though. Just lots of complaints that it is boring. He is academically advanced but he is in the GT classes already so there isn't much else that can be done. I just remind him that not everything in life is fun so he needs to suck it up. |
Anonymous
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Sounds like the problem is the transition, not the destination.
Is he like this with camp or other activities too? |
Anonymous
OP here. Good point. He did have similar tendencies with camp. He wouldn't cry quite as vigorously, but he did complain that it was "boring" and tell me he didn't want to go, for sure. How does one best manage transitions at this age? |
Anonymous
I'd sit down with him and have the two of you work out what your morning routine should be- broken into 10 minute chunks if needed. Post the schedule on the wall and follow it rigorously. It will break down the whole morning into bite sized pieces for him and will also keep him busy. |
Anonymous
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Is he doing something fun at home right up to the moment he has to leave? I have a hard time pulling my DS away from whatever he's doing (usually reading), so I've tried to move him away from those activities earlier.
Also, have you asked him what he'd rather be doing? And then explained that if he stays home it would REALLY be boring, since he'd be sitting in his room all day because school is what's on the schedule and you have things to do. |
Anonymous
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This may be a leap from the information you provided, but I did want to point out the my son also hated going to school, and would make himself sick over it. It took us a little while to figure out what was going on.
He also appeared to the teacher to be doing fine. But, it turns out he has ADHD -- the inattentive kind. Not all teachers notice these kids, but once we got the diagnosis and started making the teacher pay attention they could see that my son, in fact, was not paying attention. Once we got the teacher paying attention, she noticed all sort of inattentive behaviors that were just under her radar before. Of course, you may be dealing with something different, but I did want to mention this. |
Anonymous
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I never threw tantrums, but I used to cry every morning.
every.single.morning. It stopped around the 4th grade But I loved school - it was definitely a transition/separation anxiety thing. My mom used to just give me a hug and a kiss, tell me to have a good day and send me on my way. She did not engage in a lot of back and forth, trying to soothe me, no dramatics. I turned out perfectly fine, I don't need a therapist and I am generally a happy middle aged person. God Bless you and my mom -- I would have put me out -- I don't think I could have taken the tears every day. He will be fine -- I assure you. |
Anonymous
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OK, this is sort of not the same, but my 10 yr old DS hates school, too. He's in a gifted program. He says it's boring, but I don't think school is too easy for him. He says he'd rather stay home and do stuff at home. I keep telling him his life is too fun, so I need to make it more boring so he'll love going to school.
We also get glowing remarks from the teachers, and he loves recess so I know he does have some friends there. He just likes to play. He loved the summer camp we sent him to because half the day it was playing outdoor games, and the other half the day is was computer programming. I think my son just finds learning in a school environment boring. But, honestly, what kid doesn't? |
Anonymous
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He probably hates school because school goes against almost every single thing he stands for & is able to tolerate at his age. Read the book "The Trouble with Boys" by Peg Tyre. I have 2 sons and they both attend public school, but understanding how the current public school system has failed little boys has been absolutely KEY to my ability to get them excited about learning. What you need to do is find ways to get them excited about learning outside of school, and make sure they get PLENTY of exercise before and after school so they are able to meet expectations of sitting still for long periods of time in class.
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Anonymous
| Maybe he's not a morning person, and the problem is getting up in the morning. |
Anonymous
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I have a 10 y.o. who has hated school since he left daycare. Kids do tend to say something is "boring" if they find it stressful or uncomfortable, so that's one thought. Some gifted kids tend to be very emotionally intense and tend to dislike doing work that they don't chose to so, so that's another. And kids with undiagnosed disabilities (whether anxiety or ADHD, or LDs like dyslexia) also tend to dislike school. Finally, he could just hate sitting inside all day.
Since your DS seems to do well at school, it could be that he's smarter than you think and just board. Or that the teachers aren't noticing learning problems because he's still too young (smart kids with learning problems may perform on grade level, but really should be performing better). I would just keep on eye on it, keep open dialogue with the teachers, and put into place morning routines that may address transition issues. |
Anonymous
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Read the Kazdin Method. He gets points and praise for sticking to the routine.
Put visual schedules around the house (even if he can read). Good reminders of what comes first, second, etc. |
Anonymous
 A kid should be rewarded for going to school now? I'd love to see what points/praise you'll give him when he's a teen and continues to hates school.
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Anonymous
Anonymous poster knows better than highly-regarded behavioral psychologist? Ohhhhhhkay. |