If your DH/Ex-DH is/was angry and negative..

[Anonymous]

Can it be fixed? My DH is always mad. At me, the kids, the cashier at the grocery store, the car driving too slow in front of us...you get the picture. I have tried and tried to talk to him about this and we are currently in marriage counseling but it shows no signs of stopping. Seriously, the man cannot get through ONE DAY without getting disproportionatley angry over something. Today, it's because I used his towel to mop up a leaky faucet and didn't replace it on the hanger, which made him angry enough to slam the bathroom door very hard.

We have three children and I very much do not want to get divorced, however I feel like I can't take this anymore. If you've been in this situation, was it fixable?

[Anonymous]

I don't want to project but does your husband have a history of depression? Sometimes depression can manifest as irritability and anger. Its awesome that you re doing couples work but maybe you could explore that angle at the therapist as I have found both parties have to be in good place to get the most from therapy. My husband is a lot like that and as the depression was treated things did get better.

[Anonymous]

Mine has improved but it is still an issue. I always talk to him about it too. His angry outbursts have definitely gotten better and less frequent but he still complains about *everything*! It's annoying. But the angry outbursts I could not live with and I've made that clear to him through some dramatic fights. I just will not be talked to like that/treated that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to project but does your husband have a history of depression? Sometimes depression can manifest as irritability and anger. Its awesome that you re doing couples work but maybe you could explore that angle at the therapist as I have found both parties have to be in good place to get the most from therapy. My husband is a lot like that and as the depression was treated things did get better.

I have heard that before, but I have a hard time thinking he would be depressed or why he would be?. We both have great jobs, great and healthy kids, travel frequently etc. I don't get his pattern of sweating the small stuff when we have great lives that we should be grateful for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to project but does your husband have a history of depression? Sometimes depression can manifest as irritability and anger. Its awesome that you re doing couples work but maybe you could explore that angle at the therapist as I have found both parties have to be in good place to get the most from therapy. My husband is a lot like that and as the depression was treated things did get better.

I have heard that before, but I have a hard time thinking he would be depressed or why he would be?. We both have great jobs, great and healthy kids, travel frequently etc. I don't get his pattern of sweating the small stuff when we have great lives that we should be grateful for.

Depression doesn't work like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to project but does your husband have a history of depression? Sometimes depression can manifest as irritability and anger. Its awesome that you re doing couples work but maybe you could explore that angle at the therapist as I have found both parties have to be in good place to get the most from therapy. My husband is a lot like that and as the depression was treated things did get better.

I have heard that before, but I have a hard time thinking he would be depressed or why he would be?. We both have great jobs, great and healthy kids, travel frequently etc. I don't get his pattern of sweating the small stuff when we have great lives that we should be grateful for.

You cant be serious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to project but does your husband have a history of depression? Sometimes depression can manifest as irritability and anger. Its awesome that you re doing couples work but maybe you could explore that angle at the therapist as I have found both parties have to be in good place to get the most from therapy. My husband is a lot like that and as the depression was treated things did get better.

I have heard that before, but I have a hard time thinking he would be depressed or why he would be?. We both have great jobs, great and healthy kids, travel frequently etc. I don't get his pattern of sweating the small stuff when we have great lives that we should be grateful for.

Depression doesn't work like that.

I have asked him when we talk about it if he's depressed and he always says no. He admits he "has a short fuse" but thinks it's justified based on whatever he is angry about at that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to project but does your husband have a history of depression? Sometimes depression can manifest as irritability and anger. Its awesome that you re doing couples work but maybe you could explore that angle at the therapist as I have found both parties have to be in good place to get the most from therapy. My husband is a lot like that and as the depression was treated things did get better.

I have heard that before, but I have a hard time thinking he would be depressed or why he would be?. We both have great jobs, great and healthy kids, travel frequently etc. I don't get his pattern of sweating the small stuff when we have great lives that we should be grateful for.

I think you need to educate youself on this issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine has improved but it is still an issue. I always talk to him about it too. His angry outbursts have definitely gotten better and less frequent but he still complains about *everything*! It's annoying. But the angry outbursts I could not live with and I've made that clear to him through some dramatic fights. I just will not be talked to like that/treated that way.

How do you deal with the complaining?

[Anonymous]

Depression has nothing to do with what you have or don't have. Rich people, poor people, charmed people, people with jobs, without jobs. Serotonin promotes feelings of happiness. When that is off whack, medication can increase the uptake of serotonin in the brain and improve things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depression has nothing to do with what you have or don't have. Rich people, poor people, charmed people, people with jobs, without jobs. Serotonin promotes feelings of happiness. When that is off whack, medication can increase the uptake of serotonin in the brain and improve things.

I have suggested a visit to the doctor to him for a long time now. He refuses.

[Anonymous]

So he won't go. You decide what you will and will not tolerate. If life with him is that miserable on daily basis, then tell him you are seriously pondering separation over it unless he gets checked out.

[Anonymous]

I am a NP and I too echo the "depression" link. I think he needs to see a psychiatrist, or at least bring it up with his primary care doctor. Simply say that: "I feel angry ALL the time. I have such a short fuse."

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat OP. My DH gets extremely mad, to the point of cursing me, calling me names, and saying if he sees my face again he'll have to beat me (though, he never actually has). It could be over something as as small as me not answering my phone when he calls, leaving a door open, not having his laundry done, etc. I'm at a loss as to what to do, we have small children and are not good financially, so divorce would probably bankrupt us both and I'd probably end up in a shelter. Sorry, I don't have advice, just know you are not alone.

[Anonymous]

My normally upbeat, cheerful dh did when he was having his affair. It was his way of dealing with how crappy he felt about himself for what he was doing.