Starting Private High School - Culture Seems Permissive
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Anonymous
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Our DD is starting 10th grade in an independent school and we have been meeting moms and kids in her grade. This school has an excellent reputation for academics. It seems that the culture is more permissive than we are used to. The kids have more freedom to come and go, meet up and go elsewhere, than I saw in Fairfax County. Of course, they are all 15/16 and driving or on the verge of it so this could be more about the age than the school.
The word is that there are drugs/alcohol available outside of school. Should I be worried? I don't want to restrict my daughter from making new friends but I also want to protect her. However, I also realize that there's probably little I can do at this point. She is old enough to make her own decisions and I can only hope that her grounding will carry her. Any suggestions? Thank you. |
Anonymous
| You might be interested in reading some of the discussions in the teens forum because parents of teens seem to be feeling their way through the broader issue here of when to allow your teen to experiment (independent travel/ flexible schedule) and when to forbid activities (drugs). Your DD is going to need to experience new situations and make good decisions. If she was in public school, she may be a bit more savvy about these issues then you realize. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like GDS. Should've keep her in public. |
Anonymous
As you will see, there are jackasses all over the Internet including on this forum. You might be seeing a little bit more of the attitude you describe because kids are not drawn from the same area so parents get used to allowing the students to drive themselves and make their own plans a bit more. I guess I would advise the same boring things: try to talk a lot to your daughter; try to have frank discussions about the attraction versus risk of drugs and alcohol; ask questions (whose house will the party be at, are the parents home, how are you getting there, etc.); and don't be afraid to ask questions of other parents as well. It can definitely be tougher than a situation where you have known the parents of your daughter's friends for 10 years and can have more open initial discussions about things right away, but other parents will be going through this as well and you should be able to have lines of dialogue soon. Good luck! |
Anonymous
This is good advice, OP. Also keep in mind that it's better for your daughter to learn how to handle herself around alcohol and drugs now, rather than her first year in college. I know too many kids whose parents were overprotective to the point where their kids never learned to make independent judgments. Those are the kids who ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning their first semester. |
Anonymous
| I went to a public hs, and there was a drug problem. She would have to deal with this either way. |
Anonymous
+1. Went to a top public HS in fairfax and there was plenty of access to alcohol, weed, lsd, ecstasy, and coke. |
Anonymous
| I went to a public hs, and there was a drug problem. She would have to deal with this either way. |
Anonymous
| I hear this a lot from GDS parents, that they would rather have their kids exposed to alcohol in HS. I don't have a kid there but it does seem to have a big party culture. My friend lives next door to a GDS family that regularly buys beer for the kids hanging out at their house. |
Anonymous
I don't have a child at GDS but this statement is not at all accurate. I have a family member who attended GDS (albeit way back) and the parents absolutely had a zero tolerance policy for alcohol. I know a current family there and the parents are very strict. Absolutely no drinking is allowed and the teens aren't even allowed to get in the car with a friend to go to the mall. Both of their teens have a lot of friends. I don't think it's fair to make blanket statements. |
Anonymous
| These problems exist everywhere. If you are in a more urban school, that can explain some of the differences. Urban livers tend to take advantage of the ease of walking/public transportation at a younger age & get a bit more independence. Talk to your child about choices and what she will encounter...trust is earned, but to some extent, you also have to trust that you have instilled the confidence for her to make the right choices. And be tuned in enough to notice if she stumbles and how to help her if that happens. |
Anonymous
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How did you pick a school without realizing that the students have "more freedom to come and go, meet up and go elsewhere?" Some high schoolers are ready for more independence and autonomy just as some are more ready for advanced academic work than others. If you're uncomfortable with a setting like that in a private school, the solution is just to not send your children there.
I don't know what kind of family you have, but its pretty hard not to be "exposed to alcohol in HS." Have you ever watched the commercials during a football or baseball game? Do you really think the fratty/sporty religious schools don't have a binge drinking culture? Parents in all kinds of schools do stupid things like provide alcohol to their children. But, it is legal to furnish alcohol in a private residence to minors in both Maryland and Virginia. |
Anonymous
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Our kids came from money and went to public school in Virginia. They all now admit to having tried drugs in high school. They all ended up fine. They all insisted that their private school friends and acquaintances (including from the so-called Big 3) did far more drugs than they or their public school friends did. Some parents seem to think they can buy their kids' safety by sending them to private schools. Often, all they are buying is more trouble.
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Anonymous
Only to your own minor children -- not to any minor you have in your house. HUGE difference. |
Anonymous
| Interesting...what if you furnish it to your kids and then they turn around and furnish it to their (minor) friends? |