wife has no sense of humor

[Anonymous]

im to the point i cant even talk to her, tell her anything that is remotly funny. she gets all pissed off. been married for 13 years, and if we didnt have kids, i would have been gone a long time ago. having a son with aspergers syndrome doesnt help, when he starts yelling and cussing, she starts right back at him. its almost like watching 2 kids fight, then if i say anything about that, she goes off on me. or her favorite thing, she will say, "you dont love", then go takes an overdose of her anti-depressant pills (but she hasnt tried that for a very long time) but i have decided,next time, she goes to hospital, kids goes to MIL (who has threatened to go to court to take over care) and then i give up on this family and move on as a single guy.... just venting

[Anonymous]

Honey it sounds like you've got much more serious problems than what you lead with here. Her lack of a sense of humor is the least of your problems as a couple..

[Anonymous]

She sounds awful. Don't bail on your kids, though. Seriously. There's no way that would be okay.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Ready to bail on your kids. You sound a f'd up as your wife. Maybe you are a big part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Is your wife stuck at home all day with the kids? Does she have any respite? How are your finances? Is money tight? She may feel as if she has no options or hope in her life, especially if she can't get away. How supportive are you? You should immediately see a family therapist. If you don't know where to begin, ask your kids' pediatrician. She needs regularly scheduled time for herself. You may be able to save your marriage, but if it isn't salvageable, at least you can find out and create a much better atmosphere for your kids to grow up in. Because they are absorbing every ounce of tension and anger. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Maybe instead of complaining, you can step in, correct your son, work him through the meltdown and tell you wife to go out and grab lunch/dinner/shop and give her a break. What are you doing to help the situation? A good dad would not just hand over custody to their MIL. They would step-up, take responsibility for their kids and do the right thing. How terrible for your wife and kids that you don't want any of them, will not take responsibility for how the situation got to where it was nor are you willing to be part of the solution. Sounds like they are better off without you. No wonder your wife is depressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:im to the point i cant even talk to her, tell her anything that is remotly funny. she gets all pissed off. been married for 13 years, and if we didnt have kids, i would have been gone a long time ago. having a son with aspergers syndrome doesnt help, when he starts yelling and cussing, she starts right back at him. its almost like watching 2 kids fight, then if i say anything about that, she goes off on me. or her favorite thing, she will say, "you dont love", then go takes an overdose of her anti-depressant pills (but she hasnt tried that for a very long time) but i have decided,next time, she goes to hospital, kids goes to MIL (who has threatened to go to court to take over care) and then i give up on this family and move on as a single guy.... just venting

You have a lot going on here and sound like you are in burnout- you need to work on that and figure out how things can get better.
What kind of therapy is your son receiving?
What kind of parenting therapy are you and your spouse receiving?
What kind of couples therapy are you and your spouse receiving?
What kind of therapy are you receiving?
What kind of therapy is your wife receiving?
Does your DC have an IEP?

You need some sort of outside help not all of the above but at least some of it. DH and I are parents of two special needs children, one is on the autism spectrum. His ongoing weekly social skills group that also did a once a month parent group- lead by an experienced professional LCSW is what helped us the most. Even then it can be extremely frustrating- but if you and your spouse can get some help so that you are acting a a team- that will do wonders. Don't try to solve all the problems at once- prioritize and work on one or two at a time.

Where do you live? (general area- but not as general as MD, DC or NOVA). The Special Needs forum will give you many suggestions as to where to find help and what parenting techniques work best for a child like yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:im to the point i cant even talk to her, tell her anything that is remotly funny. she gets all pissed off. been married for 13 years, and if we didnt have kids, i would have been gone a long time ago. having a son with aspergers syndrome doesnt help, when he starts yelling and cussing, she starts right back at him. its almost like watching 2 kids fight, then if i say anything about that, she goes off on me. or her favorite thing, she will say, "you dont love", then go takes an overdose of her anti-depressant pills (but she hasnt tried that for a very long time) but i have decided,next time, she goes to hospital, kids goes to MIL (who has threatened to go to court to take over care) and then i give up on this family and move on as a single guy.... just venting

You have a lot going on here and sound like you are in burnout- you need to work on that and figure out how things can get better.
What kind of therapy is your son receiving?
What kind of parenting therapy are you and your spouse receiving?
What kind of couples therapy are you and your spouse receiving?
What kind of therapy are you receiving?
What kind of therapy is your wife receiving?
Does your DC have an IEP?

You need some sort of outside help not all of the above but at least some of it. DH and I are parents of two special needs children, one is on the autism spectrum. His ongoing weekly social skills group that also did a once a month parent group- lead by an experienced professional LCSW is what helped us the most. Even then it can be extremely frustrating- but if you and your spouse can get some help so that you are acting a a team- that will do wonders. Don't try to solve all the problems at once- prioritize and work on one or two at a time.

Where do you live? (general area- but not as general as MD, DC or NOVA). The Special Needs forum will give you many suggestions as to where to find help and what parenting techniques work best for a child like yours.

Dad's not invested in his marriage or parenting. We have a special needs kid too. If anything it makes us stronger and realize how much more we need to support each other and step in for each other when things get hard. He wants to get rid of his wife and kids.

[Anonymous]

op here, money is tight. i try to take our son somewhere every chance we get to give wife a break. she has depression and anxity issues so her going anywhere alone is out of question. kids go to school all day. son was in therapy until insurance decided its not covered. and yes i know we need family counseling, but cant afford it

[Anonymous]

Wow, that's the exact phrase my mom would say to me when I got upset about her relentless teasing of me. "You have no sense of humor!" Scarred me for life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here, money is tight. i try to take our son somewhere every chance we get to give wife a break. she has depression and anxity issues so her going anywhere alone is out of question. kids go to school all day. son was in therapy until insurance decided its not covered. and yes i know we need family counseling, but cant afford it

There are sliding fee clinics and other supports.

[Anonymous]

I find generally that when someone says "X person can't take a joke/has no sense of humor" that the speaker simply has no clue that his actions are not funny, are irritating as hell, and have gone way beyond any bounds of normal behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here, money is tight. i try to take our son somewhere every chance we get to give wife a break. she has depression and anxity issues so her going anywhere alone is out of question. kids go to school all day. son was in therapy until insurance decided its not covered. and yes i know we need family counseling, but cant afford it

What kind of services does your DC get at school? They frequently run social skills groups at school. Request it, they don't need and IEP or 504 for that. The local governments in this area offer low cost parenting classes. Take one. Sometimes the school do it too. Take it.

"Money is tight" is often a refrain for I am not making this a priority. You need to make it a priority and cut back on other things. Are you already brown bagging, cutting out vacations, found the least expensive insurances, tried to find therapy your insurance will cover, called the insurance company back when they stopped covering DC's therapy and tried to get it restored?, buy and eat what is on sale at the grocery store........ When family asks for birthday present ideas, tell them clothing- so you don't have to buy it yourself. Do not buy any new clothes for one year.

If you are low income and money is truly tight, there are many county services for which you may qualify. Seek them out.

Where do you live?

What is your family's daily schedule? Weekly schedule? How much time does your wife spend alone with your child in the summer? During the school year? Do you have local family in the area?

[Anonymous]

OP - For your own and your family's quality of life, you need to get at least into couples therapy to learn how to work together with your son and to communicate between the two of you. Issues may remain, but how you deal with them can. Also, if your wife is seeing a psychiatrist, let him know what he is prescribing may need some adjustments. A person with a mental health disease can't always relate clearly what is going on. And there are sliding fee scale providers as mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Your wife needs more than anti-depressants. She needs help. Please have some compassion and empathy for the woman you married.