Helping my shy kiddos find friends at a new school

[Anonymous]

We have just moved from California in July and my kids will be starting at a new school (DD 3rd and DS 6th) in September. Both tend to be shy with difficulty making friends. We've explored the neighbordhood and have not been able to meet any kids close to their ages. They have found children at church to play with but none will be in their school. I'm wondering if anyone has tips for helping them integrate and make new friends. We do plan to get them involved with activities in the fall, but neither has been happy with the move and I worry that unhappiness will bleed into their life at school as well. Appreciate any help!!

[Anonymous]

Can you go to the school the weekend before it starts? Show them the classroom, say hi to the teacher, and tell the teacher "Larla is shy, PLUS we just moved here and she's not enthusiastic about the move. So she may need some help making friends and feeling comfortable." Don't stay longer than about three minutes. They are busy setting up their classrooms.

I'm shy, and I didn't discover this trick until I was in my 30's and wish someone had told me when I was a kid: look at all the kids, and go up to one who LOOKS on the OUTSIDE as nervous as you FEEL on the INSIDE. Go up to the person standing alone, hovering on the perimeter. I do this at parties all the time. I feel like a secret superhero, saving someone from being a wallflower. They always seem so grateful I've come to talk with them, and it distracts me from thinking about how uncomfortable I feel.

[Anonymous]

Teachers are there the weekend before? I wouldn't take this approach.

OP, are you in public or private? Is it large or small? Is there an open house where the kids are encouraged to attend before school starts (not the back to school night)? Do the respective schools have any after school "club" activities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have just moved from California in July and my kids will be starting at a new school (DD 3rd and DS 6th) in September. Both tend to be shy with difficulty making friends. We've explored the neighbordhood and have not been able to meet any kids close to their ages. They have found children at church to play with but none will be in their school. I'm wondering if anyone has tips for helping them integrate and make new friends. We do plan to get them involved with activities in the fall, but neither has been happy with the move and I worry that unhappiness will bleed into their life at school as well. Appreciate any help!!

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Kids bond naturally. I might mention to the teachers that Larla and Larlo are new to the area so he or she can help match them up with a buddy. If by chance they do have trouble finding friends in class then definitely get them involved with extracurricular activities. like soccer, girls on the run, girl scouts, YMCA, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teachers are there the weekend before? I wouldn't take this approach.

OP, are you in public or private? Is it large or small? Is there an open house where the kids are encouraged to attend before school starts (not the back to school night)? Do the respective schools have any after school "club" activities?

They have to set up their classrooms.

[Anonymous]

Hello OP. We too have just moved from SoCal.

A good way of finding kids the same age as our own has been through joining the boy scouts / girl scouts and similar.

Is there something like this you can do, even before school starts which will give the kids some confidence?

And have they experienced any summer camps where they have met new kids in the neighborhood? We have made a big effort to stay in touch with a few children who have connected with our own in this setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers are there the weekend before? I wouldn't take this approach.

OP, are you in public or private? Is it large or small? Is there an open house where the kids are encouraged to attend before school starts (not the back to school night)? Do the respective schools have any after school "club" activities?

They have to set up their classrooms.

Please wait until Open House or Meet the Teacher Night as teachers are in meetings and clean/organize/label mode while setting up the rooms.

[Anonymous]

OP, where are you located? Pretty much every elementary school in Montgomery county has an open house the Friday before school starts to meet the teacher and see the classroom. I am sure other jurisdictions do something similar. I think middle school open houses were last week.
For the 6th grader, if he is starting middle school, lots of kids will be in the same boat of being at a new school with lots of people they don't know. that situation makes things a bit easier, as many people are looking to make new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teachers are there the weekend before? I wouldn't take this approach.

OP, are you in public or private? Is it large or small? Is there an open house where the kids are encouraged to attend before school starts (not the back to school night)? Do the respective schools have any after school "club" activities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers are there the weekend before? I wouldn't take this approach.

OP, are you in public or private? Is it large or small? Is there an open house where the kids are encouraged to attend before school starts (not the back to school night)? Do the respective schools have any after school "club" activities?

They have to set up their classrooms.

Please wait until Open House or Meet the Teacher Night as teachers are in meetings and clean/organize/label mode while setting up the rooms.

That's why I said don't stay more than three minutes. I come from a family of teachers and they've always had two or three kids show up when they're setting up for the first day. No big deal for a special circumstance.

[Anonymous]

If they are taking the bus, they'll meet other kids at the bus stop.

If you have a neighborhood list serve you can email a message introducing yourself and seeing if there are any similarly aged kids/parents who would want to do something like go for ice cream/pizza or have a get together b/f school starts.

If you are going to private school, they'll probably send you a directory with the kid's zip codes, so you may be able to reach out to families who live close b/f school starts.

[Anonymous]

1. Stop referring to them as kiddos. This is almost as humiliating as kissing them goodbye at school door.

[Anonymous]

Kiddos. Bleh. Just stop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Stop referring to them as kiddos. This is almost as humiliating as kissing them goodbye at school door.

Get a life.