Should we wait till K or get a full Neuropsych Evaluation? - Please help.

[Anonymous]

My son is 4.5 yrs old, gentle, sweet, intelligent kid. He started half day preschool (Montessori based) last year, his teacher is happy, he is easy to direct at school, no learning or behavior issues reported. At home, he takes 1 hour to finish his meal, if he likes something he can finish quicker but generally an hour (distracted?). He is very much into machines, numbers which is fine because that's just his interest but he likes to talk about them and look at them a little more than normal. Sometimes he speaks very fast and other person can't understand him completely so his speech concerns me a little, he does talk a lot but always says excuse me before interrupting. I get a feeling maybe he has ADHD, I called Dr. David Black's office and they have an opening for initial consultation. I am not able to decide if we should go ahead with full neuropsych evaluation or if we should wait for his teacher/school to say something. Please advise as I don't want to lose the appointment with Dr. Black but at the same time I am very confused. His pediatrician was not concerned at last year's check up.

[Anonymous]

If your concerns are just that he takes a long time to eat, he can get distracted easily, and he is into machines and numbers and likes to talk about those things with enthusiasm, I wouldn't be concerned.

Does he make eye contact? Does he seem happy? He sounds normal.

Have you tried things like ENFORCING that he sit at the table and eat and try to overcome his distractions? Do you ever ask him to stop talking? At 4.5, kids can and should be told these things...it's just basic conditioning into being an older kid.

Is he your first/oldest?

[Anonymous]

From your post I cannot understand why you think there is anything wrong. So he takes a long time to eat = ADHD, what??? This is nuts.

[Anonymous]

Neuropsych is more accurate after the kids turn 6?you should wait.

[Anonymous]

Yeah. I don't get it.

Is he an only child? I have an only sort of like this. You have to put up with a hell of a lot of talking and weird solo-games. My son is 6 and he will play this game he invented for HOURS at a time. It's essentially a bunch of crayons and two mini soccer goals on the carpet and he plays full games, making calls about fouls and everything. It's nuts, but it's just what he does without siblings to chase around.

As for the hour long meals, that's too long. I think you just need to set some limits and keep him on task (assuming he doesn't have feeding difficulties, which you don't mention). Set a timer. Reward for timely finishing. No dessert tonight if he's not done in half an hour, etc... Give 5 minute warnings. No snacks for 2 hours before meals.

[Anonymous]

4.5 years old is very early to try to get an ADHD diagnosis, the behavior has to be pretty severe in order to get the diagnosis because otherwise it too closely maps onto typical behavior for that age. If his teacher is happy with him, he's easy to direct and he's not having any behavioral issues, that tends to suggest ADHD isn't an issue. A child with ADHD may not be hyperactive, but you'll generally see come combination of hyperactivity, severe impulsivity, and/or inattentiveness/daydreaming. Nothing in your post suggests any of these are the case.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone for posting a reply. Yes, he is my oldest (they are twins, a boy and a girl). I guess I need to set a timer to finish meals (great suggestion), other than that we will wait how he does in school this year and go from there. He is not impulsive, he may get bored and all but not impulsive (although he can push boundaries with me when instructed). Another thing to note is that a lot of these things (except 1hr to finish his food) does not happen with his nanny, which makes me wonder if these are disciplining issues as a parent (I am strict about what they talk and how they talk to others but pretty laid back otherwise). I might sound crazy but sometimes craziness comes with being a parent, thank you for listening. Really appreciate.

[Anonymous]

I have an ADHD child -- we did a full neuropsych in preschool. I do not think you have anything to worry about, at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From your post I cannot understand why you think there is anything wrong. So he takes a long time to eat = ADHD, what??? This is nuts.

+1000

Op honestly what are you thinking?? Please do not screw your kid up by getting him involved with shrinks over this. What you have described is perfectly normal

[Anonymous]

What's your routine after dinner? The slow eating may be because he enjoys the attention from you at that time. If instead of homework or bedtime you give idea that you'll play outside or read a book together or whatever, he may eat at a more normal pace to get to the other fun thing.

Definitely see no indication of any behavior requiring professional help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for posting a reply. Yes, he is my oldest (they are twins, a boy and a girl). I guess I need to set a timer to finish meals (great suggestion), other than that we will wait how he does in school this year and go from there. He is not impulsive, he may get bored and all but not impulsive (although he can push boundaries with me when instructed). Another thing to note is that a lot of these things (except 1hr to finish his food) does not happen with his nanny, which makes me wonder if these are disciplining issues as a parent (I am strict about what they talk and how they talk to others but pretty laid back otherwise). I might sound crazy but sometimes craziness comes with being a parent, thank you for listening. Really appreciate.

It could be a parenting issue, or it could just be his personality. You have two children exactly the same age, which makes it very easy to compare behavior between then. I suspect what may be going on is that you have a child who is a little more of a boundary-pusher and who has his quirks, but who is completely within the range of typical. If he were an only child, or his siblings were younger/older, the behavior might not register at all as a cause for concern. He's a twin, though, which means you have a direct comparison sitting right next to him. Since you don't mention issues with your daughter's behavior at all, I suspect she's an easy child, and so your son ends up looking worse by comparison than he would on his own. Raising twins brings extra pitfalls for comparison, so it's important not to assess differences between them as one being "right" and the other "wrong," but instead take them as simply two different people with two different personalities that you parent differently according to their needs.