Other than "How to Talk...", other helpful books for parents of teens?

[Anonymous]

Looking for strategies to enhance communication with our daughter, particularly. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Girls Will be Girls by Joann Deak

[Anonymous]

I don't go reading tons of books (bc I'd rather spend time talking with my DD) but here are some of the things I do:

1. I'm a great listener. I ask questions like "what did you think when s/he said/did that?" and "Then what happened?" and practice active listening (So it sounds like Amanda was hurt when Lola invited you to sleep over right in front of her, and that you feel bad about how Amanda felt.)

2. I create a LOT of opportunities for DD to talk to me. After we left the orthodontist this week I wanted to get my errands done and get home but DD really wanted to look around Lush and then the Body Shop. She wanted to get a sample of some hair thing at Lush and I asked for one for myself too and then later gave it to DD. I mentally allotted 5-8 minutes at each store. The entire thing took 20 minutes out of my day. I'll take DD to Starbucks a couple of times a month. We walk to do errands - it's easier to talk if you're not face to face sometimes. I go in to scratch her back at night when she's going to sleep.

3. I stay involved. No, DD doesn't need me to take her to school or pick her up, but I do it a few times a week so we can spend time together. The more time you spend together, the more you'll wind up talking.

4. I stay calm. When DD hints that she wants to tell me something but doesn't want to deal with my reaction, I remind myself of how many dumb things I did/said when I was her age. When I promise to not punish or lecture DD I stick to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't go reading tons of books (bc I'd rather spend time talking with my DD) but here are some of the things I do:

1. I'm a great listener. I ask questions like "what did you think when s/he said/did that?" and "Then what happened?" and practice active listening (So it sounds like Amanda was hurt when Lola invited you to sleep over right in front of her, and that you feel bad about how Amanda felt.)

2. I create a LOT of opportunities for DD to talk to me. After we left the orthodontist this week I wanted to get my errands done and get home but DD really wanted to look around Lush and then the Body Shop. She wanted to get a sample of some hair thing at Lush and I asked for one for myself too and then later gave it to DD. I mentally allotted 5-8 minutes at each store. The entire thing took 20 minutes out of my day. I'll take DD to Starbucks a couple of times a month. We walk to do errands - it's easier to talk if you're not face to face sometimes. I go in to scratch her back at night when she's going to sleep.

3. I stay involved. No, DD doesn't need me to take her to school or pick her up, but I do it a few times a week so we can spend time together. The more time you spend together, the more you'll wind up talking.

4. I stay calm. When DD hints that she wants to tell me something but doesn't want to deal with my reaction, I remind myself of how many dumb things I did/said when I was her age. When I promise to not punish or lecture DD I stick to that.

Way to judge!

[Anonymous]

Someone on another thread recommended:

Anthony Wolf, "I'd Listen to My Parents If They'd Just Shut Up"

May sound weird, but I like "Stop Walking on Eggshells" by Mason and Kreger. It's intended for dealing with people who have BPD. Like teens they are emotionally very thin skinned.

[Anonymous]

Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman

[Anonymous]

I find reading parenting books still tremendously helpful, even with teenagers.

Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind by Michael J. Bradley (best book I have read on teens)
Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager by Anthony E. Wolf

[Anonymous]

Blessing of a B Minus by Wendy Mogel. Fantastic.