rekindling friendship?

[Anonymous]

Has anyone ever done this? I had a friend a few years ago who had some mental issues, probably still does, honestly. Anyway, she screwed up with something between us (involving her owing me money, to make a long story short) and I believe she felt embarrassed, because she disappeared out of my life (beyond Facebook, although we don't interact on it). It's been two years since we've seen each other and frankly, and I know selfishly, I need friends. Would it be inappropriate or weird to call her up for something casual like coffee?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever done this? I had a friend a few years ago who had some mental issues, probably still does, honestly. Anyway, she screwed up with something between us (involving her owing me money, to make a long story short) and I believe she felt embarrassed, because she disappeared out of my life (beyond Facebook, although we don't interact on it). It's been two years since we've seen each other and frankly, and I know selfishly, I need friends. Would it be inappropriate or weird to call her up for something casual like coffee?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever done this? I had a friend a few years ago who had some mental issues, probably still does, honestly. Anyway, she screwed up with something between us (involving her owing me money, to make a long story short) and I believe she felt embarrassed, because she disappeared out of my life (beyond Facebook, although we don't interact on it). It's been two years since we've seen each other and frankly, and I know selfishly, I need friends. Would it be inappropriate or weird to call her up for something casual like coffee?

Yes.

Why?

[Anonymous]

Fine to reach out to her if you want but be prepared to put your differences behind you 100% and say so. "I'm sorry we've fallen out of touch. I miss you and would love to get together sometime. Can we put our differences behind us?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fine to reach out to her if you want but be prepared to put your differences behind you 100% and say so. "I'm sorry we've fallen out of touch. I miss you and would love to get together sometime. Can we put our differences behind us?"

I forgave her a long time ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fine to reach out to her if you want but be prepared to put your differences behind you 100% and say so. "I'm sorry we've fallen out of touch. I miss you and would love to get together sometime. Can we put our differences behind us?"

I forgave her a long time ago.

That's great but there's obviously still tension. You have to give up the high horse of having forgiven her and be ready to start over if you want to be friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fine to reach out to her if you want but be prepared to put your differences behind you 100% and say so. "I'm sorry we've fallen out of touch. I miss you and would love to get together sometime. Can we put our differences behind us?"

I forgave her a long time ago.

That's great but there's obviously still tension. You have to give up the high horse of having forgiven her and be ready to start over if you want to be friends.

It wasn't a high horse thing. I did it it give up the lingering annoyance I felt towards her. It's not even something I would ever tell her.

[Anonymous]

Yes, please reach out to her. You will be glad you did - even if it doesn't go well.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine, and I've done it with mixed results. I have learned though that people don't really change. I miss some of those older friendships because it's nice to have people in my life who knew me at different stages, but I have more than once been disappointed by the results of the effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever done this? I had a friend a few years ago who had some mental issues, probably still does, honestly. Anyway, she screwed up with something between us (involving her owing me money, to make a long story short) and I believe she felt embarrassed, because she disappeared out of my life (beyond Facebook, although we don't interact on it). It's been two years since we've seen each other and frankly, and I know selfishly, I need friends. Would it be inappropriate or weird to call her up for something casual like coffee?

Do you mean that you don't have other friends? Or at least what feels like a sufficient amount without this person? Any kind of relationship is tough when you're in it just for the sake of having a relationship. It's also a tall order for someone to be in your life just to meet your needs (companionship, fighting loneliness, etc).

If there's something that genuinely draws two people together, that's another story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever done this? I had a friend a few years ago who had some mental issues, probably still does, honestly. Anyway, she screwed up with something between us (involving her owing me money, to make a long story short) and I believe she felt embarrassed, because she disappeared out of my life (beyond Facebook, although we don't interact on it). It's been two years since we've seen each other and frankly, and I know selfishly, I need friends. Would it be inappropriate or weird to call her up for something casual like coffee?

Do you mean that you don't have other friends? Or at least what feels like a sufficient amount without this person? Any kind of relationship is tough when you're in it just for the sake of having a relationship. It's also a tall order for someone to be in your life just to meet your needs (companionship, fighting loneliness, etc).

If there's something that genuinely draws two people together, that's another story.

No, I don't have any friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever done this? I had a friend a few years ago who had some mental issues, probably still does, honestly. Anyway, she screwed up with something between us (involving her owing me money, to make a long story short) and I believe she felt embarrassed, because she disappeared out of my life (beyond Facebook, although we don't interact on it). It's been two years since we've seen each other and frankly, and I know selfishly, I need friends. Would it be inappropriate or weird to call her up for something casual like coffee?

Do you mean that you don't have other friends? Or at least what feels like a sufficient amount without this person? Any kind of relationship is tough when you're in it just for the sake of having a relationship. It's also a tall order for someone to be in your life just to meet your needs (companionship, fighting loneliness, etc).

If there's something that genuinely draws two people together, that's another story.

No, I don't have any friends.

I'm the one above who has done it with mixed results, but eventually ended up let down again. I'm sorry that you don't have any friends. That sucks - a lot. But does that mean you want to turn to her because it's what you know and think you're comfortable with? That makes it even more of a mistake. It's like going back to an ex boyfriend, because you haven't met anyone else.

I would put your efforts into meeting new people. If you meet up with her you may be mentally closing yourself out from meeting others. Start fresh - join activities, go to things on meetup.com, local house of worship...whatever it is, but stay open to new possibilities. I wish you much luck.