Down Syndrome

[Anonymous]

I have a friend whose son was recently diagnosed with down syndrome - he is around 6 months old. I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how I can support my friend. I want to help out anyway I can - any thoughts or suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Ask your friend how she is doing and listen to her talk about whatever she wants. Let her be negative if she wants to be. Let her express grief if she needs to. She may have tons of doctor's appointments if her child has health needs/physical therapy, so offer to babysit if she has older children. Spend time with her and her child, and if you have children, bring them over to play with her child so he has companions. Avoid cliches like "He's so special/He needed a special mom and god chose you/special children for special families/god only gives people what they can handle" and other pablum like that. It's annoying and useless. Don't tell her "I couldn't do it." Of course you could and you would and that just makes her feel like her child must be a horrible unwanted burden.

Try your best to treat her child the way you treat other children his age. Don't excessively compliment, but cheer for his little milestones. They will mean a lot.

If he's slow in walking, and a lot of Down kids are, don't ask every time you see her if he's walking yet. It can be very anxiety-provoking. Ditto with other milestones.

A good book is "You Will Dream New Dreams." I really got a lot out of reading it when my child was diagnosed with CP at around this age. I cried a lot when I was reading it but it helped me a great deal. You can read it too, OP, if you are interested.

I'm sorry if the above sounds cross or negative, you are a good friend to ask.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the advice! I am going to buy the book to read.

[Anonymous]

to the parent of the cp child: thank you for this post. i have a terminally ill baby, and your advice really hit home. i want to forward it to everyone i know!

[Anonymous]

you are very welcome...let me know if you need anything else.

[Anonymous]

You are a really wonderful friend! My son has Down syndrome and the support of our family and friends
has been critical to us. There is a great local support group that you should tell your friend about.
The Down Syndrome Network of Montgomery County (www.dsnmc.org) I found out about it from a
good friend of mine, who,like you ,was searching for ways to be helpful to us. I am very active in this group now and
would be happy to talk to your friend [e-mail].