Vent - Camp not what she thought it would be

[Anonymous]

Visited DD this past weekend--one week down, two more to go--and she's not really happy. This is her first summer at this particular camp, but most everyone, including a handful of good friends, has been going for years. She's very homesick, and feels like an outsider on the fringes of everything, because not only is there a big emphasis on the achievements/history of this particular cohort, but also there are quite a few activities that don't fit her temperament (drama/skits, and other performance-based pursuits). I'm sure the counselors or even her friends could be helpful to her, but she refuses to admit to anyone (other than her mom and me) how she feels. She doesn't want to be known as the girl who feels homesick or like she doesn't fit in. I totally get that, and don't feel comfortable betraying her confidence so haven't said anything to the director or counselors.

On the one hand, I share her anger a bit at all the hoo-ha concerning the longtime campers. I don't begrudge those campers for their experience but it would have been nice to know before signing up that this would have flavored so much of this summer's camp experience. On the other hand, maybe another child would have dove right in and felt more at ease? I don't know.

I guess I'm looking for confirmation that her overall experience at this camp, while perhaps not the most upbeat or life-changing that we all had hoped, will still be worthwhile is some way.

[Anonymous]

She's 1 week in, OP. That's PRIME homesickness time. I am betting you $5 that by the end of week 3 she will be loving it. The first week is ALWAYS hard, especially for new campers who haven't been there before. That's why a lot of camps suggest 3+ weeks for first timers -- because they know there's a curve of homesickness, settling in, bonding etc.

Give it time.

[Anonymous]

I agree that it's early and I also think that you can talk to the counselors/staff about helping her fit in without betraying your DD's confidence.

[Anonymous]

OP, part of what makes summer camp so great is allowing kids the independence to struggle through and fight their own battles. Unless you feel like she is TRULY depressed, I would offer support but let her fight through this on her own for at least the next week. How often are you talking to her?

[Anonymous]

Ask her if she wants to come home and make up some family excuse and bring her home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask her if she wants to come home and make up some family excuse and bring her home.

Just curious PP, but what kind of message do you think this would send to this child?

[Anonymous]

DD returned to her camp this summer. Last year she had a great time. This year it was a rough start. The first 10 days were hard. Letters to home were full of sadness and longing to come home.

We're now 6 weeks in and the letters are starting to come saying she's sad that camp is ending soon and please make sure I sign her up for next summer.

When the first wave of please come get me letters came, my instinct was to go get her. As a parent, we all want our kids to be happy. My kid was unhappy and I have the power to fix that.

But I talked to parents whose kids have been at camp for many years, the director called me every day to give me updates, and ultimately, my daughter worked it out within herself. That's the growth that should be happening at camp. I'm proud of both of us--to her for allowing other people than mom and dad to help her and for her resolving her own issues and to me for not running up there at the first sign of unhappiness.

[Anonymous]

So this is a 3 week camp, right? What do you mean that you visited her? If it means the camp allowed parents to visit for a 3 week session, that's the problem right there. So she was only there for one week and then parents visit? That sounds like a recipe for disaster. Perhaps sending her to a different camp next year is a good idea. One that 1) doesn't have parents visiting during a 3 week session and 2) without her friends and 3) with activities that she chooses and enjoys. I'm sure if you ask for suggestions on the Camp Forum, you would get lots of responses.

[Anonymous]

OP - Time to start letting one know that if you start something, you finish something unless a really really important reason not to. And that is not just because I do not like it. You made a financial investment and you need to have your daughter follow through on the camp experience. It was your daughter's choice, too, based on what she had heard from friends and read in brochures. It will help teach her that she can adapt, that maybe things don't turn out quite as they look in a brochure or video. All in all, just a part of growing up, and yes a visit after a week is a bit extreme. Maybe turn down the engine on the helicopter.

[Anonymous]

She probably feels a lot better now that she has got all that off her chest to you.

I wouldn't be surprised if she is enjoying this week that much more for having unloaded.

She will probably be fine.

[Anonymous]

I would let her tough it out under the circumstances you described. When I was 9 I went to girl scout camp, twisted my ankle, got ringworm, and didn't make friends easily. I asked my mom to come and get me, but by the time she got there (2 days later), I was feeling more comfortable on the friendship front, and would have been fine with pushing through the minor medical issues. Of course I left, because she had driven all that way to get me, but I would've preferred to stay.

[Anonymous]

Agree with what almost everyone said (except the 'go and get her' post). I'll be she comes around and has a better time, but there is nothing wrong in calling the camp and giving them a head's up on what is going on. She'll never know. My mom worked as the office manager at a sleepaway camp for several years and you would not believe how many parents call for all sorts of annoying reasons - this is a valid reason to call!

[Anonymous]

I think you should tell the director (counselors tend to be young and have minimal child psych knowledge) in somewhat vague terms. Tell your DD to get involved with stage-hand work and such - that way she's involved in the plays but doesn't have to perform. Plus, doing something physical often makes people more comfortable socially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's 1 week in, OP. That's PRIME homesickness time. I am betting you $5 that by the end of week 3 she will be loving it. The first week is ALWAYS hard, especially for new campers who haven't been there before. That's why a lot of camps suggest 3+ weeks for first timers -- because they know there's a curve of homesickness, settling in, bonding etc.

Give it time.

I'll see that bet and raise you $1000000.

As my mother always said, "You cried when I dropped you off at the start of camp, and you cried harder when I picked you up at the end."

[Anonymous]

I would think most sleep away camps would feel at home for repeat campers, and the counselors would know them and greet them a little differently than brand new campers. But by the end, there would be more blending. Why did you visit week one?