My husband's family is continually involved with his ex

[Anonymous]

We've been married 12 years. My husband would have married his ex, but she dumped him for somebody else who she's now married to. Sometimes when we visit his hometown, I hear of how my husband's sisters and family go to his ex still to get their hair done. This bugged me ten years ago, but I got over it. She's FB friends with them all. Today a baby shower was hosted at my MIL's house for my husband's sister and who should appear but this ex and her daughter- I came outside as she was chatting with my husband. They have not talked for 10+ years.
I was very flustered and uncomfortable. She was the first one to arrive at the party and stayed quite a while. I found it uncomfortable to sit near her and hear her chat up all my relatives. They all remember her from his dating days and are apparently all chummy. I ended up sneaking off to my bedroom, had a cry, and when I went back out and realized she was gone, I was able to semi-enjoy myself. I am surprised that my husband's family thought it was appropriate to invite her knowing that my husband and I would be there. I know it's the mom-to-be's event and this ex apparently is a friend who does her hair, but I still had a hard day. This ex is prettier than me and I'm sure my husband would have married her if she didn't dump him.
I guess I'm just having a down-in-the-dumps day with all these feelings. I know I shouldn't make it about me since it's not my event. Maybe this is just part of visiting home towns.

[Anonymous]

Remember - he married YOU. He is your husband, they are your family. She is no more than an acquaintance.

If they want to get their hair done or whatever by her.. well, that's what they are going to do.

Next time, remember - this is YOUR family. Be polite as you would to anyone else. She's just an acquaintance. Nothing more, nothing less.

Is this a small town?

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your response. Yes, it is a small town. I was polite and asked how she was and such. Everything is just so 'polite' that I didn't feel like I had anybody I felt comfortable complaining to. I wonder if there are others out there who have issues visiting smalltown inlaws for this same reason.

[Anonymous]

This is a get over yourself kind of moment here.

So he dated her seriously well over 12 years ago at this point? Who cares? Your ILs' friendship with her has way outlasted any romantic connection she had with your DH. They probably all knew each other before. It's just not a big deal and says nothing about how they feel about you.

[Anonymous]

I don't see a problem.

[Anonymous]

Grow up, OP. People have a right to have friends who are ex girlfriends of your DH! She sounds sane whereas you do not.

[Anonymous]

OP, it is totally normal to feel this way. You just need to navigate through it. Try to calm down and understand his family and his ex. It will help you deal with it. Also avoid going to another baby shower that you know she is going to come. It's not all or nothing. No Matter what, don't let them know that it bugs you. They may use that against you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grow up, OP. People have a right to have friends who are ex girlfriends of your DH! She sounds sane whereas you do not.

Well, aren't you a nasty bitch? I hope crapping on people online makes you feel better about your wretched life.

OP, I understand how you feel. You are afraid - your husband loved this woman and she left him, not the other way around, and she is pretty and still close to his family. Most people in your shoes would feel at least a twinge. I think you should talk to your husband and be frank about how you felt and let him comfort you. After 10 years together, you should be able to confide in each other.

[Anonymous]

Grow up. Many people divorced with shared kids and are able to attend baby showers, weddings etc together. This idea you can't be in the same room with his exgirlfriend is crazy.

[Anonymous]

I understand why you're upset -- you perceive her as your DH's "one that got away." But don't you think he's a lot happier being married to you? There's no way a marriage with the ex-girlfriend would have lasted, because she obviously didn't love him as much as he loved her. Think of it this way: he dodged a bullet, and he got lucky to have ended up with you.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I would not be happy about this and I think it's very rude of your in laws to invite her knowing you would also be there as well.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds a little insecure..

[Anonymous]

Just to be clear, when you say his "Ex", you just mean that this is a girlfriend he had before he met you? This person was never his wife, they have not kids or anything, right? They didn't have some sort of nasty break-up in which she did terrible things to your husband, right? If so, I get that you would be slightly uncomfortable, but it is something you may just need to get used to.

[Anonymous]

I think this happens a lot in smaller towns. Sibling dates sibling's friend. And when they break up, they still stay close to friends. I know my family still jokes about exes often even after 30 years of marriage because they're all still in the same city/neighborhood/church and their kids all go to the same schools. It's not a big deal OP, especially since your DH doesn't talk to her regularly.

[Anonymous]

I would excuse myself from attending future events where she might be there because it obviously causing you a lot of distress. I think you have the right to feel this way.

Another thing to think about is how bad was the breakup? When I go back home I sometimes see my Dh's ex only because they have so many mutual friends. It doesn't bother me because they had a very bad breakup and it's quite obvious he has zero regrets about it. Are you worried that he has some regrets about their breakup or lingering feelings?