Visiting in-laws

[Anonymous]

Please forgive another MIL post... but here goes. My two DDs, husband and I are heading to Michigan to visit the in-laws. We go every year to their lake house. I just don't have it in me this year and I have such dread about going. My in-laws are not bad people, but MIL has no filter and is very domineering. I just am too tired for all of it as I've spent the last year taking care of my own parents and life. Help me find some peace with going. Or not going. I am actually praying (and I'm not a praying person) that my DH will have an emergency work project. I wish I could send DH up with the girls, but I feel bad and don't want to do that. Just venting. But I'm dreading so much and getting so anxious. I wish for a different relationship with the in-laws.

[Anonymous]

Do you work outside the home? Can you come up with a "work emergency"? Or something related to your parents care? Honestly, I'd try to get out of it if I were you, assuming your kids were at a good age for DH to manage them alone.

[Anonymous]

I,too, have a rough time with my in-laws. I felt super oppressed for many, many years, but then I just turned a corner and stopped giving two shits.

How does DH feel about them? If he's in a twist that's one thing, but if he doesn't care either, you just need to work toward throwing the hands up and joining him. It's not your baggage, you can't fix them. Enjoy yourself. If you cant' do that with them, excuse yourself from trip, if you can drink it up and/or check into a good beach read while they're around, all the better.

If they're impossible to please you'll never get there anyway, so f--- it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please forgive another MIL post... but here goes. My two DDs, husband and I are heading to Michigan to visit the in-laws. We go every year to their lake house. I just don't have it in me this year and I have such dread about going. My in-laws are not bad people, but MIL has no filter and is very domineering. I just am too tired for all of it as I've spent the last year taking care of my own parents and life. Help me find some peace with going. Or not going. I am actually praying (and I'm not a praying person) that my DH will have an emergency work project. I wish I could send DH up with the girls, but I feel bad and don't want to do that. Just venting. But I'm dreading so much and getting so anxious. I wish for a different relationship with the in-laws.

Changing the relationship is going to require not trying so hard to avoid having an interaction with them...

[Anonymous]

Op, make a side-trip starting from there for a few days just yourself. Rent a car and go. Say, "I've always wanted to see xx".

MIL would probably love to have some time to herself with her son.

[Anonymous]

We have a similar trip coming up and I'm dreading it, too. I get very tense thinking about it and have been figuring out ways to get a break while with everyone.

Wishing us both strength, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP here... Some great tips. One of my DDs is ispecial needs (ASD) so I have to go as my DH isn't great with her. I got some Xanax from my dr for the trip.... So here's hoping the best.

[Anonymous]

I've found that other people's comments/judgements only bother me if/when deep down I am lacking confidence in my own decisions/choices. It often has to do with the fact that others' comments force me to face my doubts/insecurities. If I do what I feel is best and know I am making good decisions, I am far less defensive or sensitive to what others think.

Consider going in with a different mindset. Address ways where you yourself might be disappointed with your choices or your family's and let the rest go.

[Anonymous]

PP - good advice.

[Anonymous]

Don't go! Forget the guilt. Have a little time for yourself and let the grandparents have their kid and grandkids. Everyone wins.

[Anonymous]

Send DH with the kids and have your own staycation.