what helps you the most when you are missing a deceased parent?

[Anonymous]

I'm missing my parents so much today! They've been gone 3 and 9 years respectively. I spent the weekend at a family reunion and it was wonderful.to be amongst those who loved and cherished my parents. Today I'm back to life as usual but feeling so empty! It's almost like I'm reliving the grief process. Has anyone else been through this? What helped you?

[Anonymous]

I have no idea. I had a dream with my dad in it last night though. It was so nice to "see" him, but it makes me miss him so much.

[Anonymous]

I lost my father 11 years ago and my mother just over a year ago. In my experience, nothing helps. I prefer to process it alone.

[Anonymous]

Being around and talking to people who knew them well, just like you did this weekend OP. I always like hearing a story about my dad that I didn't know before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being around and talking to people who knew them well, just like you did this weekend OP. I always like hearing a story about my dad that I didn't know before.

+2

[Anonymous]

Time helps. Keeping them "alive" in my memory helps, by observing traditions that were important to them or talking about them openly. For example, it makes me happy when my daughter asks for "grandma's pancakes," even though she never met her grandma, she knows that the recipe is one that I grew up with. Or when we make the same holiday cookies that I ate as a kid, or camp at the same place I camped with my folks as a kid. And sometimes, it helps to allow myself to hurt - to have a good cry, to miss them, and then to somehow move on into all the wonderful reasons I have to be happy to be alive.

Sorry for your pain and your loss.

[Anonymous]

Mine are both buried at Arlington Cemetery. I like to go visit them there and usually I am very much at peace just seeing their names.

[Anonymous]

I lost my dad in 2003. I held his hand as he passed away. I lost my mother in 2009. I often miss them so much that I feel it physically. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but I feel an ache and longing to hug them or hear from them again.

I look at pictures and try to remember the good times.

[Anonymous]

I talk to my mom. I just tell her about my day etc. It sounds crazy but it makes me feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being around and talking to people who knew them well, just like you did this weekend OP. I always like hearing a story about my dad that I didn't know before.

+2

+3

[Anonymous]

My dad is in a vegetative state. I know that he can pass away anytime and when it happens it will be a blessing for him. Yet, even knowing this, I am not ready for him to pass away.

The fear of losing my near and dear ones is my biggest fear. I don't think that I have the strength to bear any such loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm missing my parents so much today! They've been gone 3 and 9 years respectively. I spent the weekend at a family reunion and it was wonderful.to be amongst those who loved and cherished my parents. Today I'm back to life as usual but feeling so empty! It's almost like I'm reliving the grief process. Has anyone else been through this? What helped you?

OP, grief is a very individual thing and there is really no way to gauge what is "normal". I've relived the grief over my mother many times, in many ways, for many reasons. It has been 21 years since she died in front of me. I try to be guided by the fact that, for whatever reason, when I am at my most sad, I sense that I don't need to. In other words, something always comes into my heart and head that tells me its ok to be sad, but I don't need to be sad. I don't have a strong history of readily available faith to support this. It's just a feeling.

What this means is that you ultimately only you can decide how to handle your grief. As others have mentioned, talking to other people who have gone through it helps so much, and helps with the alone part of things. You are far from alone in any of your feelings of grief. But you experience them on your own...

Most important" remember that nothing you feel is wrong. There is no guide book for this stuff. Its painful and hard. But its nice to be able to miss someone because it means they were wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea. I had a dream with my dad in it last night though. It was so nice to "see" him, but it makes me miss him so much.

Me too! I was upset when the alarm went off and I couldn't keep dreaming.

[Anonymous]

Only time helps...

[Anonymous]

My dad passed 19 years ago and I still miss him, but of course I don't think of him now on a daily basis the way I used to. But I had a recent experience that I found so heartwarming. I was on a sailing vacation with my family and another family and everything was so perfect - the gorgeous boat, the great crew, the weather - and I suddenly thought "Dad would have loved this" (he lived for the outdoor life). I then started to picture him with us on the yacht - not as a ghostly apparition but as an extension of me and my love for him. If you carry them in your heart, they never really leave you.