Am I being a narrow minded dufus?

[Anonymous]

My inlaws are recent immigrants. They uniformly despise this country's politics and talk about how much they hate the country. Which would be fine if I didn't have to hear about it all the time while they continue to live in this country and survive because my husband and I help them financially. When I asked why they don't just move back if they're so unhappy, they accused me of discriminating against immigrants because I would never tell an American that. Huh?? What am I missing? I don't think I'm anti immigrant, but maybe I'm blind to my own bias. Help!

[Anonymous]

I'm the child of immigrants. We say this all the time to family members who talk like this.

But it doesn't really get you anywhere after the initial shock you create from talking back.

Change the subject when you can. Ignore. Leave the room. You can also calmly tell them that this country is your home. It is part of who you are. And that continuously insulting the country insults the home and life and family you have made. You can point out that you criticize the choices of the government etc sometimes too, but that is different from constantly trashing you and THEIR home.

Also perhaps suggest that they volunteer in ways that they could better things.

[Anonymous]

I would offer to buy them a 1-way ticket back to their home country.

[Anonymous]

I just think you need a better response. More like, "If you hate X so much, why aren't you more active in trying to change the law?" rather than the old, "if you don't like it, leave" comment, which is a false dichotomy. There are very reasonable alternatives to loving the USA or leaving it. Those are not the only options. Those options also suggest it's not ok to fight to change things but to accept or move- not very American in spirit.

[Anonymous]

Yes, agreed. Part of my problem is that I'm pissed off because I'm supporting them financially. They wouldn't need our support if they lived back home. So they take my money and spend their time here complaining. If they were doing it on their own dime, I bet I'd feel differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, agreed. Part of my problem is that I'm pissed off because I'm supporting them financially. They wouldn't need our support if they lived back home. So they take my money and spend their time here complaining. If they were doing it on their own dime, I bet I'd feel differently.

That would piss me off too. But that is a talk you need to have with your DH, not the inlaws.

[Anonymous]

Op again: I've gotten very think skinned hearing them tell me that I can't understand their problems with this country because Americans are too ignorant. I do understand the politics involved, on an academic level anyway. But it always brings me back to the question: why are you here if you hate it so much? Is it just to take my money? Or are you dishonest in how much you hate it? Because they actually can go home, it is a choice in their case.

[Anonymous]

Doofus, not dufus.

[Anonymous]

just curious, what country are they from? I'm planning to do some travel in the next couple years an want to know where Americans are hated so I can avoid those countries.

[Anonymous]

They're trying to find a way to make themselves feel better about being unproductive dependents.

[Anonymous]

They are complainers. So they moved here, do not work, and are being supported by you. Not a bad life... They have to complain about something.

[Anonymous]

DH used to do this (he's from another country and became naturalized after we married).

Now if he says "Americans are always [insert catty comment here]" I just say "That's funny, you're an American! I guess you're talking about yourself?" Shuts him right up.

I think you should totally say, "You guys sound like typical Americans, always complaining about politics!" And then ignore anything else they say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again: I've gotten very think skinned hearing them tell me that I can't understand their problems with this country because Americans are too ignorant. I do understand the politics involved, on an academic level anyway. But it always brings me back to the question: why are you here if you hate it so much? Is it just to take my money? Or are you dishonest in how much you hate it? Because they actually can go home, it is a choice in their case.

Of course it's just to take your money. Sounds like you ought to decrease what you're giving them. That way they'll have to focus on finances and they'll have a little less energy for bitching.

[Anonymous]

I am an immigrant myself, this would upset me too. I hate it when people live here, use this country's privileges and then bash it without any shame. I don't associate with such relatives, period. I can't stand their low intellect.

[Anonymous]

What do they dislike about our countries politics? I'm interested in this