Nesting - does it work?
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Anonymous
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My ex dw wants to try nesting instead of setting up two houses. I can see it's good for kids but its just putting off the inevitable in every other way. Don't trust her motives. Any know if nesting worked for you or friend ?
ThankS |
Anonymous
If you can work together, it is best for the kids. What kind of motives would she have? |
Anonymous
| It works and is better for the kids. You and your ex should have separate rooms though. |
Anonymous
| Doesn't this just delay the inevitable? If one parent decides to remarry, then they end up breaking up the nesting home with a wedding right on e heels, it seems like just dragging out the trauma rather than ripping off the bandaid and moving forward. |
Anonymous
| How does this work? |
Anonymous
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I thought nesting was the term for what a pregnant woman does right before she gives birth.
Confused |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't want to do it. Who wants to clean up their exes messes in the house?? |
Anonymous
| It only works if you get along well enough to effectively co-manage the kids' household. And it isn't necessarily cheaper, if you're each maintaining a 1br apartment as well. |
Anonymous
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I looooove the idea, but I agree with the PP that:
1. The parents have to be extremely mature and have a good relationship 2. You're delaying the inevitable if you think either parent will want to seriously date and remarry If the kids were 13 and 15, I'd be more likely to do it than if they were 3 and 5. Both parents would need to make a commitment not to remarry or want to change the housing arrangement until the kids are out of the house. And that can be a challenging thing for a young adult too, going off to college and then their "home" is gone when they come back. Think through the long game. If it can work for your family, I think it is a sign of really amazing parents and is so much better for kids. But if you have a long time to deal with this or a difficult relationship, stick to the usual arrangement that puts the burden on the kids but at least normalizes it for them instead of shaking them up again in the future. Try to live close together if you're going to do the normal kids backa nd forth thing. |
Anonymous
| I have a family member who's doing this and it's working very well for the kids. Actually, it's working well for everyone so far. |
Anonymous
| I just don't see how it works financially. Setting up 3 households instead of two is insane. |
Anonymous
You set up 2, not 3. The other home is also shared. |
Anonymous
| Friends of my husbands, when their parents got divorced (around 6 & 8 years old) the parents always lived on the same street. That way the kids could get off the same school bus, play with the same friends, didn't have to have two of everything cause they could go three houses down to get it from the other house. I think they split the sleeping up when the kids were younger & when they were older they picked when/where. |
Anonymous
| seems like it could work for the right people and in the right house...like there's a finished basement/attic/mother in law apartment so each has a defined separate space. But really it depends on the people, why they broke up and how they've moved on from it/matured from it. Why not just stay married if you're going to live together anyway? |
Anonymous
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I think a lot of the time, one parent's second home is actually the home of their new partner. So the other parent has an apartment to themselves. Sharing and co-managing two households would be really tough and honestly just an annoying and time-consuming endeavor.
My parents managed to stay within a short drive of each other, and that really helped. |