Older neighbor hitting on me

[Anonymous]

How would you handle a much older (20-30 years my senior) neighbor constantly making passes at you? I've tried to be polite and have declined dates many times but he continues to pursue me. It makes it really awkward for me. Every time I'm outside he comes outside to talk to me. I try to be friendly but I'm not interested in constantly making small talk with him. I've been avoiding him but it makes me feel awkward in my own neighborhood. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Assuming you are single, OP?

[Anonymous]

"Scott, it would be great to be friendly neighbors with you, but your constant advances make that awkward and it's very uncomfortable. I'm not interested in dating you or being flirted with. Please stop. Thank you for understanding and respecting boundaries."

Do not go stand outside to observe the world. If you go out, go with a specific purpose. To get the paper, to visit Carla across the street, to garden, whatever. That way when Scott tries to stand there making small talk you can say "Nice chatting with you, gotta get on with my day, see ya!" and walk away.

Be LESS polite. I guarantee that what you think is "polite" he thinks is "green light."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming you are single, OP?

I'm not single, I have a boyfriend. I was single when I moved to the neighborhood. Other neighbors have communicated that I am not single to no avail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Scott, it would be great to be friendly neighbors with you, but your constant advances make that awkward and it's very uncomfortable. I'm not interested in dating you or being flirted with. Please stop. Thank you for understanding and respecting boundaries."

Do not go stand outside to observe the world. If you go out, go with a specific purpose. To get the paper, to visit Carla across the street, to garden, whatever. That way when Scott tries to stand there making small talk you can say "Nice chatting with you, gotta get on with my day, see ya!" and walk away.

Be LESS polite. I guarantee that what you think is "polite" he thinks is "green light."

Thanks. I have been much less polite and he still asked me to drinks recently. I declined.

[Anonymous]

Have your bf say something if you are too polite to say cease and decist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Scott, it would be great to be friendly neighbors with you, but your constant advances make that awkward and it's very uncomfortable. I'm not interested in dating you or being flirted with. Please stop. Thank you for understanding and respecting boundaries."

Do not go stand outside to observe the world. If you go out, go with a specific purpose. To get the paper, to visit Carla across the street, to garden, whatever. That way when Scott tries to stand there making small talk you can say "Nice chatting with you, gotta get on with my day, see ya!" and walk away.

Be LESS polite. I guarantee that what you think is "polite" he thinks is "green light."

Thanks. I have been much less polite and he still asked me to drinks recently. I declined.

Each time he asks you, you need to not only decline but also say "Please stop asking me out, you're making me uncomfortable, I've told you before to stop."

FYI, as a feminist, do not fall into the trap of saying "I have a boyfriend" because it implies you're not available because you belong, as property to another man and you are not property. ::steps off soapbox::

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Scott, it would be great to be friendly neighbors with you, but your constant advances make that awkward and it's very uncomfortable. I'm not interested in dating you or being flirted with. Please stop. Thank you for understanding and respecting boundaries."

Do not go stand outside to observe the world. If you go out, go with a specific purpose. To get the paper, to visit Carla across the street, to garden, whatever. That way when Scott tries to stand there making small talk you can say "Nice chatting with you, gotta get on with my day, see ya!" and walk away.

Be LESS polite. I guarantee that what you think is "polite" he thinks is "green light."

Thanks. I have been much less polite and he still asked me to drinks recently. I declined.

Each time he asks you, you need to not only decline but also say "Please stop asking me out, you're making me uncomfortable, I've told you before to stop."

FYI, as a feminist, do not fall into the trap of saying "I have a boyfriend" because it implies you're not available because you belong, as property to another man and you are not property. ::steps off soapbox::

Actually that's good advice. He is stalking you. Stalkers don't like hearing excuses. They have to hear only this "I AM NOT INTERESTED". If they hear anything else they think there is a way around it, or if there is a pre existing relationship, its one they can destroy.

I would get advice from your local police station, they can have a quiet word with him too.

[Anonymous]

buy a Doberman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming you are single, OP?

I'm not single, I have a boyfriend. I was single when I moved to the neighborhood. Other neighbors have communicated that I am not single to no avail.

OK, so you are single. You're not married.
You may not consider yourself available, but this goes to show that many people consider you single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Scott, it would be great to be friendly neighbors with you, but your constant advances make that awkward and it's very uncomfortable. I'm not interested in dating you or being flirted with. Please stop. Thank you for understanding and respecting boundaries."

Do not go stand outside to observe the world. If you go out, go with a specific purpose. To get the paper, to visit Carla across the street, to garden, whatever. That way when Scott tries to stand there making small talk you can say "Nice chatting with you, gotta get on with my day, see ya!" and walk away.

Be LESS polite. I guarantee that what you think is "polite" he thinks is "green light."

Thanks. I have been much less polite and he still asked me to drinks recently. I declined.

Each time he asks you, you need to not only decline but also say "Please stop asking me out, you're making me uncomfortable, I've told you before to stop."

FYI, as a feminist, do not fall into the trap of saying "I have a boyfriend" because it implies you're not available because you belong, as property to another man and you are not property. ::steps off soapbox::

Actually that's good advice. He is stalking you. Stalkers don't like hearing excuses. They have to hear only this "I AM NOT INTERESTED". If they hear anything else they think there is a way around it, or if there is a pre existing relationship, its one they can destroy.

I would get advice from your local police station, they can have a quiet word with him too.

And a ridiculous one, at that.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you male or female?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you male or female?

Female

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you male or female?

Is this a serious question? I mean, you really have to ask???

[Anonymous]

Had this happen too. My neighbor was an old man. Being nice didn't help, it made the situation worse and in his mind I assume he thought he'd keep on until I agreed to whatever.

One day his brother showed up and BOTH leered at me, made suggestive comments. I got so angry. I told him loudly if he didn't leave me alone I would call the police. He called the police on me.

When I told them what he and his creepy brother were doing, they told him to leave me alone. We ended up moving a few months later.

Men like that are counting on you being nice. Don't be nice.