How to get over work place abuse
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Anonymous
| I am leaving a very dysfunctional and abusive work place environment. I witnessed coworkers being bullied and demoralized over the past two years. We were threatened and regularly punished (example, if you don't response to a secret message hidden in my email I will withhold information from you- I'm not exaggerating!) We were mistrustful of each other and some coworkers even began to replicate the behavior of the boss. My boss recently resigned and half of my colleagues left (they were going to leave regardless of whether she quit or not). I started looking for a different and healthier work environment as well. I was able to transfer out but I am still suffering the after effects of my previous job. I don't want to carry these negative emotions over onto my new job. Anyone experienced something similar to this or can offer advice so I can have a fresh start on my new job? I am ambitious and passionate about making a positive difference in my career but can't seem to muster up excitement because I am afraid I will have the same experience at the next job. Help me be happy and excited again! |
Anonymous
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Yes. I worked for someone who, no shit, was a textbook psychopath. We did much better than you did though - one of the things our boss was good at was hiring truly good people. So each time he did, one of us would take the new person aside and say "It's not you; it's him. WE are all very, VERY direct. Do NOT believe anything he says to you about us. If any of us have a problem, we speak to each other directly. We back each other, and we assume the best of each other. Ok?"
And it really worked. So when we left the firm and went somewhere new, it was just "Oh yeahhhhh, THIS is how it's supposed to be! I remember this type of environment!" Also, this is kind of an aside, but I find in general that if I treat people as if of COURSE they are mature and professional, they rise close to that occasion. It helps them curb their immaturity, passive-aggressiveness, etc. |
Anonymous
I found it to be true with MOST of my colleagues but for those new just out of school young people they haven't yet developed the skills necessary to have a mature professional discussion and would quickly fall into the passive-agressive trap that was established by our fearless leader. In any event, I don't want the discussion to digress into reliving the nightmare, I just want some advice for how to change my mindset so I can have a fresh outlook on the new job. Thanks for your comments. |
Anonymous
| Have you considered a brief stint of therapy? You are kind of PTSD at this point. |
Anonymous
| I did consider therapy. I also thought I might be PTSD but didn't want to claim it since it is a pretty serious condition. |
Anonymous
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Oh my goodness, I'm about to get out of an almost identical situation, except sadly for me it was over five years. I stayed because of the mission, but fearing the frequent beratement, yelling, passive aggression, and backstabbing (which alternated with periods of sickly sweetness, so I never knew if I would be facing daggers or honey) shrunk my self confidence to the size of a peanut. I also picked up bad habits that I'm terrified to take somewhere else.
I finally was able to jump on a buyout (there was actually competition to get out) and will have some severance, but I don't have a new position lined up yet. I did one job interview and nearly burst into tears when they asked why I was looking to leave what appeared to be an otherwise successful career path. In my brief Google's for help, I came across this: http://www.askamanager.org/2014/11/are-you-haunted-by-your-last-bad-job.html I'll be reading this thread with interest for other tips and commiseration. So sorry to everyone who has gone through this. |
Anonymous
I'm not op, but pp who went through this, too. That's an investing coping strategy. I had debated about doing something like that for our new innocent hires but was always worried about being seen as the gossip poisoning the well. In most cases the evil manager showed her true colors soon enough that new hires realized it, but there were a few she "recruited" to her side by telling them that there rest of us were the bad guys and that she was the martyr. I'm glad it worked out for you, though! |
Anonymous
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OP - yes you will, with time.
I had nightmares from my previous workplace. I moved to a much better environment. several years later, I truly can't remember how it felt. I remember memories, but the haunting feelings have subsided. i also now know what it means to work in a great place, and I do not take it for granted whatsoever. I feel so blessed, really. walk into your next position with open eyes (from experience) and open heart (because you refuse to let the bad workplace define you). so in a nutshell - with time, and a decent next gig, you will be fine. good luck to you. |
Anonymous
| OP, I totally get it. Happened to me and took me maybe 2 years before I could move past it. I definitely should have gotten therapy at that time. Workplace bullying is a real, documented phenomenon. Reading about it helped me some. Best of luck to you. |
Anonymous
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I worked at an insanely abusive place for 3 months (and then I walked out, which is totally unlike me). I have been at my next, healthy, kind place 9 years and you do get over it. 2 years is harder than 3 months but you have the edge that you know it isn't normal.
I would read QBQ and try to reset your mindset to "from scratch." |
Anonymous
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Not op. I had to Google QBQ. do you mean this book?:
http://www.amazon.com/QBQ-The-Question-Behind-Accountability/dp/014305709X From the amazon description, seems like a tough prescription for someone getting over real workplace abuse. What do you like about it? |