attending a funeral on the west coast

[Anonymous]

Sadly, my brother's MIL is gravely ill. If she passes, the funeral would be on the west coast. Should I go alone, or should I bring DH and DCs (ages 3 and 6). The family has always been so kind to my DCs, but is it bad etiquette to bring DCs to the funeral? I don't think it makes sense to fly them out there if I shouldn't bring them to the funeral. Thanks very much for your advice.

[Anonymous]

It depends on your children. If you can trust them to behave properly and not make a fuss, people might enjoy seeing them. If they might be a disruption, just go yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sadly, my brother's MIL is gravely ill. If she passes, the funeral would be on the west coast. Should I go alone, or should I bring DH and DCs (ages 3 and 6). The family has always been so kind to my DCs, but is it bad etiquette to bring DCs to the funeral? I don't think it makes sense to fly them out there if I shouldn't bring them to the funeral. Thanks very much for your advice.

You have very young childten who have no reason to be at a funeral. People are grieving and young children do not understand this grief. Leave them at home. Your presence is more than sufficient to show respect to the deceased and her family.

[Anonymous]

I think there's nothing wrong with bringing kids to funerals but no need to drag two kids across the country for one. Have them draw a sympathy card for the grieving family members and go yourself.

[Anonymous]

Thinking about my own family, I can see myself flying to the funeral of my brother's or sister's MIL, but we aren't close enough to them that I'd take my kids. I'd see my role largely as supporting my sibling and BIL/SIL, and I could do that better without my kids there. The situation would be different if my kids had developed a close relationship with the deceased (like another grandmother/aunt).

[Anonymous]

I would go alone, OP. That way, you can be there for your SIL, her family and your brother without having to look after your children. You can help with meals, errands, driving people, or just being there with them.

[Anonymous]

I could see bringing them if it were their grandparent who passed, but I don't think it makes sense in this case. I'd leave them at home if that's at all possible.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you to everyone for your input. It has been very helpful.

[Anonymous]

You would be fine either way - and I'd go alone. By the way, you're a good person, because I wouldn't fly cross-country to go to my brother's MIL's funeral. I'd send an arrangement and a personal card to my SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there's nothing wrong with bringing kids to funerals but no need to drag two kids across the country for one. Have them draw a sympathy card for the grieving family members and go yourself.

This is my take.

[Anonymous]

Alone or just you and your husband in less you have child care there. You cannot focus on your brother and his family with two young kids.

[Anonymous]

Brother's mil is far enough removed I don't think I'd even go, never mind my kids.