Sister is coming off a bad breakup, in a lot of personal turmoil (job, living situation, etc.) Other than calling and texting more frequently to check in, is there anything I can actually do to help her? My mom can't bear my sister's misery, and is haranguing her, which is driving her crazy. I'm of the opinion that she's just got to recover from the break up and figure out her life, and there's really nothing I can do (besides the above: calling, listening, etc.). Am I missing the sympathy gene here? It's been almost 6 months since the breakup; relationship was 6 years. She and my mom are in a different city. |
Care package? Flowers? All you can really do is offer kind words, a shoulder to cry on, tough love when its needed, etc.
Not sure you can really help her unless you have job connections or a spare room to offer her. Offer to edit a resume/cover letter? |
Does she need practical assistance? Money, help networking or practicing interviewing skills?
To show support, I would do a monthly box subscription of some sort. Like birchbox. It's a little gift to look forward to each month. |
Tell your mom to back off.
Just tell her that it will be okay and ask if there's anything you can do. |
I agree. OP, probably the best immediate thing you can do (besides of course being really clear you are always ready to talk) is to take your mom aside and talk with her about whatever it is she's doing that's so clearly not helping your sister. I wouldn't use terms like "back off" or "you're haranguing her" with mom, since after all this should be done in kindness to both of them and you don't want to alienate or anger mom. I would tell her -- in person, please, not via text or e-mail or a call -- something along the lines of, "I know you've been calling Sister a couple of times a day and it's out of your concern for her. I know how much you want to help her. I was talking with her a few days ago and she said she needs some space right now even from both of us and she will call us when she's ready." (Or whatever applies to whatever it is mom's doing that's "haranguing" sister, who may indeed need some discussion-free space). Maybe you can distract mom with something else like an outing with you, if mom is a person who just really needs to Be Doing Something all the time. I'm guessing mom's smothering is coming from a place of fear that her daughter won't find The One, or is in job trouble and might be unemployed, or whatever, but it's probably well-meant though it's annoying. And you know your sister best -- is she a person who might like getting out of town for a weekend with you? Are you and she that kind of close? I'm not talking about ginning up a two-day emotional gabfest, but just saying, "Hey, if you want to just get out of your place overnight and just sit on a beach or go to a town in the Blue Ridge with antique shops (whatever is her "thing"), I know a place we could go. No obligation to hash over all this recent stuff, just time to be somewhere else for 48 hours, let restaurants do the cooking, see some sights." You already would have some place to stay on your radar, of course. But if she would appreciate just not being in her own house for a while, offer that with no strings attached (if she's in job turmoil, you might need to pay for it, but it's only a night or maybe two for you both). |