Gift for newly found birth family?

[Anonymous]

I'm still in shock, a bit, that I've found my birth mother! She lives overseas and when we meet for the first time, I'd like to bring a gift. Gift-giving is big in her culture and I know other adoptees who've run afoul of customs with their gifts. Any ideas for an appropriate gift? The reason I was placed for adoption was poverty and while I've been told she's ok now, I want to make sure whatever I give is not too much but not too little. I'm definitely going to make a photo album for her, but am looking for other things as well. I also have three brothers and am told at least three nieces and nephews- what for them as well?

[Anonymous]

Wow, that's really exciting news. I don't think you'll get much useful advice without at least telling the region of the world, though. I have a hard enough time picking out appropriate gifts for my relatives who live here!

[Anonymous]

Yes, how can we help pick out a gift that doesn't run afoul of her culture without knowing what culture we are discussing?

[Anonymous]

It's Korea.

[Anonymous]

I'm happy for you! Can you tell us the country, or even the region? There are a lot of folks here who could have good, culture-specific, advice.

[Anonymous]

I have no suggestions, but your post gave me goosebumps and makes me want to cry. I can't imagine, as a mother, having to give up my child because I couldn't afford her. I'm so happy for you and your mom. Have a wonderful trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm happy for you! Can you tell us the country, or even the region? There are a lot of folks here who could have good, culture-specific, advice.

It's Korea. Not only do I need culture-specific recommendations, but just recommendations in general. While I'm excited, I don't want to get a gift that presumes some sort of relationship, because at this point there's not one, if that makes sense. I know some adoptees have gotten mother's necklaces, etc., but again, it feels weird to me because I don't know her (yet, at least!).

[Anonymous]

Op, I wish you well, but please proceed carefully. As I am sure you know expectations of children's obligations to patents are different in Korean culture (especially in non-Americanized Koreans). As you move forward, be prepared to establish appropriate boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Koreans (especially women) are big on skin care and health products. Asians in general love dietary supplements. Buying a mix of dietary supplements that might be fitting for her age/need would be considered thoughtful, like a care packet. It would be appreciated much more than jewelry, especially in your situation. Basically you're saying you wish her longevity and good health. It's thoughtful without being too personal. When I visit family in Asia, big favorites are collagen, glucosamine, omega 3, calcium chews and multi vitamins. I'd say make sure it's all made in USA, which for many in Asia represents safe and good quality but also because you 're bringing gift from the country you grew up.

[Anonymous]

Picture album of yourself and your accomplishments is the best most thoughtful gift you can give them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm still in shock, a bit, that I've found my birth mother! She lives overseas and when we meet for the first time, I'd like to bring a gift. Gift-giving is big in her culture and I know other adoptees who've run afoul of customs with their gifts. Any ideas for an appropriate gift? The reason I was placed for adoption was poverty and while I've been told she's ok now, I want to make sure whatever I give is not too much but not too little. I'm definitely going to make a photo album for her, but am looking for other things as well. I also have three brothers and am told at least three nieces and nephews- what for them as well?

Please don't romanticize this too much -- it scares people from wanting to adopt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm still in shock, a bit, that I've found my birth mother! She lives overseas and when we meet for the first time, I'd like to bring a gift. Gift-giving is big in her culture and I know other adoptees who've run afoul of customs with their gifts. Any ideas for an appropriate gift? The reason I was placed for adoption was poverty and while I've been told she's ok now, I want to make sure whatever I give is not too much but not too little. I'm definitely going to make a photo album for her, but am looking for other things as well. I also have three brothers and am told at least three nieces and nephews- what for them as well?

Please don't romanticize this too much -- it scares people from wanting to adopt.

More importantly, when expectations are too high and romanticism runs rapid, it sets the state for soul crushing disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm still in shock, a bit, that I've found my birth mother! She lives overseas and when we meet for the first time, I'd like to bring a gift. Gift-giving is big in her culture and I know other adoptees who've run afoul of customs with their gifts. Any ideas for an appropriate gift? The reason I was placed for adoption was poverty and while I've been told she's ok now, I want to make sure whatever I give is not too much but not too little. I'm definitely going to make a photo album for her, but am looking for other things as well. I also have three brothers and am told at least three nieces and nephews- what for them as well?

Please don't romanticize this too much -- it scares people from wanting to adopt.

NP here, but this sounds absurd. Without knowing the backstory, I'm sure the OP and the birth norther probably would have had to jump through some hoops to have found each other. Also, I think you seem to be reading into the OPs post, there is nothing romantic. She did say how to make sure it is not too much.

[Anonymous]

OP, that is wonderful. We are adoptive parents and have an amazing relationship with our child's birth family in another country. Skype is such a blessing and we talk weekly and I send pictures a few times a week. We have all become very close and our child thinks its normal .

Their culture is big on gifts. They bring us a lot of jewelry (cheap), our son clothing (but I asked for specific cultural), scarves, gloves, and socks (keep warm as they come from a cold country). I send a lot of clothing, especially for grandfather as it is expensive there, jewelry for an aunt, coffee for grandma. Pictures are the biggest thing. JCP and Target have groupon or living social, I forget which, which gives you 3 photos on a cd that you can then email with a high pixel so they can print as shipping is very costly (a small package for us is easily $70-100). Ask them or post asking about Korean culture/gifts. There is a huge Korean adoption culture and maybe you can find a specific message board on Korea.

I wish you the best and hope they are wonderful people and your adoptive family is loving and supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm still in shock, a bit, that I've found my birth mother! She lives overseas and when we meet for the first time, I'd like to bring a gift. Gift-giving is big in her culture and I know other adoptees who've run afoul of customs with their gifts. Any ideas for an appropriate gift? The reason I was placed for adoption was poverty and while I've been told she's ok now, I want to make sure whatever I give is not too much but not too little. I'm definitely going to make a photo album for her, but am looking for other things as well. I also have three brothers and am told at least three nieces and nephews- what for them as well?

Please don't romanticize this too much -- it scares people from wanting to adopt.

Huh? OP's priorities right now should be her feelings, her birth mother's feelings and those of both families, not some random people wanting to adopt. How selfish to even suggest so.

There is a long waiting list of people adopting from Korea, perhaps it would be a good thing if people who are scared of birth parent contact withdraw from the process.