Be conscious how you treat your partner

[Anonymous]

While the author may be right that this happens more by wives towards men, this is a good wakeup call for any partner to evaluate how they treat their partner. It can and does happen with some husbands to their wives, just not as often.

http://www.thefederalistpapers.org/us/woman-realizes-that-shes-been-accidentally-abusing-her-husband-this-whole-time

Here's a snippet from the beginning...

My “Aha Moment” happened because of a package of hamburger meat. I asked my husband to stop by the store to pick up a few things for dinner, and when he got home, he plopped the bag on the counter. I started pulling things out of the bag, and realized he’d gotten the 70/30 hamburger meat – which means it’s 70% lean and 30% fat.

I asked, “What’s this?”

“Hamburger meat,” he replied, slightly confused.

“You didn’t get the right kind,” I said.

“I didn’t?” He replied with his brow furrowed. ” Was there some other brand you wanted or something?”

“No. You’re missing the point, ” I said. “You got the 70/30. I always get at least the 80/20.”

He laughed. “Oh. That’s all? I thought I’d really messed up or something.”

That’s how it started. I launched into him. I berated him for not being smarter. Why would he not get the more healthy option? Did he even read the labels? Why can’t I trust him? Do I need to spell out every little thing for him in minute detail so he gets it right? Also, and the thing I was probably most offended by, why wasn’t he more observant? How could he not have noticed over the years what I always get? Does he not pay attention to anything I do?

As he sat there, bearing the brunt of my righteous indignation and muttering responses like, “I never noticed,” “I really don’t think it’s that big of a deal,” and “I’ll get it right next time,” I saw his face gradually take on an expression that I’d seen on him a lot in recent years. It was a combination of resignation and demoralization. He looked eerily like our son does when he gets chastised. That’s when it hit me. “Why am I doing this? I’m not his mom.”

[Anonymous]

Not sure this qualifies as abuse, lol.

This happens to me with stuff like milk. I don't drink milk. Ever. DW keeps milk around and it seems to vary between skim, 1%, and 2% depending on something I'm unaware of. Invariably she'll ask me to pick up "milk," but she never specifies what kind.

At some point "almond milk" was introduced. Now I'm really confused.

[Anonymous]

80/20 isn't even all that healthy! Now if she usually got 93/7 maybe I could see her point...
Kidding. This is atrocious and a horrible way to treat anyone.

[Anonymous]

Are you the same poster who's posted this link about 37 times in this forum, or are you just the 37th person to think he's stumbled across something original?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure this qualifies as abuse, lol.

This happens to me with stuff like milk. I don't drink milk. Ever. DW keeps milk around and it seems to vary between skim, 1%, and 2% depending on something I'm unaware of. Invariably she'll ask me to pick up "milk," but she never specifies what kind.

At some point "almond milk" was introduced. Now I'm really confused.

Then why don't you ask what kind she wants? You know there's lots of variety, there's no sense in playing dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure this qualifies as abuse, lol.

This happens to me with stuff like milk. I don't drink milk. Ever. DW keeps milk around and it seems to vary between skim, 1%, and 2% depending on something I'm unaware of. Invariably she'll ask me to pick up "milk," but she never specifies what kind.

At some point "almond milk" was introduced. Now I'm really confused.

Then why don't you ask what kind she wants? You know there's lots of variety, there's no sense in playing dumb.

Duh. Of course I ask, and of course I get what she wants. It's just an example of a DW being non-specific in her requests when she actually has a specific request. Don't make more of it than it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the same poster who's posted this link about 37 times in this forum, or are you just the 37th person to think he's stumbled across something original?

OP here...I'm the 37th person who found this article. Sorry about that; it just showed up in my FB feed and thought I'd bring it here. Until recently I hadn't really read the relationship forum, but just started to read more here the last few weeks. I hadn't seen it posted and admit that I did not do a search to see if it was already here. Sorry if I ruined your day and you couldn't figure out how to possibly skip this thread without adding a snarky comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure this qualifies as abuse, lol.

This happens to me with stuff like milk. I don't drink milk. Ever. DW keeps milk around and it seems to vary between skim, 1%, and 2% depending on something I'm unaware of. Invariably she'll ask me to pick up "milk," but she never specifies what kind.

At some point "almond milk" was introduced. Now I'm really confused.

Then why don't you ask what kind she wants? You know there's lots of variety, there's no sense in playing dumb.

Duh. Of course I ask, and of course I get what she wants. It's just an example of a DW being non-specific in her requests when she actually has a specific request. Don't make more of it than it was.

You're right, I did read into it more than was in your post. Sorry about that!

[Anonymous]

My DH is the nagger in our relationship. AND he gets on my case for getting defensive when he mentions what I've done wrong. I've finally been able to start pointing out to him calmly that he is actually communicating annoyance and disappointment- I'm not crazy for *defending* myself when he is actually mad at me for it. To his credit, he is accepting my comments and backing off. Damn this marriage thing is hard.

[Anonymous]

After being on the recieving end of this type of bahavior, I've vowed never to engage in it ever again. I used to do it from time to time, but now I won't ever do it again. It's horrible and a relationship killer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you the same poster who's posted this link about 37 times in this forum, or are you just the 37th person to think he's stumbled across something original?

OP here...I'm the 37th person who found this article. Sorry about that; it just showed up in my FB feed and thought I'd bring it here. Until recently I hadn't really read the relationship forum, but just started to read more here the last few weeks. I hadn't seen it posted and admit that I did not do a search to see if it was already here. Sorry if I ruined your day and you couldn't figure out how to possibly skip this thread without adding a snarky comment.

Don't apologize! Anon isn't your mother and you don't have to take this abuse!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you the same poster who's posted this link about 37 times in this forum, or are you just the 37th person to think he's stumbled across something original?

OP here...I'm the 37th person who found this article. Sorry about that; it just showed up in my FB feed and thought I'd bring it here. Until recently I hadn't really read the relationship forum, but just started to read more here the last few weeks. I hadn't seen it posted and admit that I did not do a search to see if it was already here. Sorry if I ruined your day and you couldn't figure out how to possibly skip this thread without adding a snarky comment.

Don't apologize! Anon isn't your mother and you don't have to take this abuse!

If Anon didn't want this posted again for the 37th time she should have made that clear beforehand. What are we? Mind readers?

[Anonymous]

I Would divorce my spouse if he ever spoke to me like this. I would never speak to my children in such a manner. No wonder so many of you have bad relationships.

[Anonymous]

I think that's one of the reasons I have a problem with intimacy and never married. I saw so much sniping between husbands and wives - both family and friends - that I just couldn't bear the thought of living that way.

[Anonymous]

Early in my marriage my husband behaved like the woman in the article. After he finished his rant I told him in a very soft voice he was not my father and to never ever ever speak to me in that tone again.

He never did.