Nephews about to be evicted – again – WWYD?

[Anonymous]

My 14 and 15 yo nephews live with my brother-in-law in Pennsylvania. Their mother (my sister) is in jail for drugs. She has been an addict for 10+ years.

My brother-in-law (let’s call him Jimmy) is not the brightest bulb and is also in poor health so hasn’t held a job in many years and is on SSI. Jimmy continually just can’t get it together so my brother and I are continually paying back rent and penalties to prevent them from being evicted. Over the years they have been evicted more times than I can count.

Even though Jimmy continually puts his family in the situation he actually loves his sons and they love him. He is just not real smart and his wife (my sister) has been MIA for so many years. He can’t figure out how to not get behind.

Here’s the conundrum: they are about to get evicted again. My brother and I could take my nephews in until they graduate from high school but at the end of the day they want to be with their father and there is no way in hell Jimmy is living with me. I would hate for them to be separated from the one person who didn't abandon them.

WWYD? In a perfect world, our nephews and their father would move to a place closer to my brother or I so we could be a part of their lives. But Jimmy can’t afford to live in impoverished PA let alone expensive DC so we’d have to pay most if not all of their rent for 5+ years. I am in no way rich but could contribute $600 a month without eating cat food in retirement. Advice please!

[Anonymous]

I'd pay their rent. The kids want to be with their dad. You don't want their dad with you. It's way cheaper to pay the rent then to have two teenagers living with you.

[Anonymous]

These evictions are just unfair and the poor kids are the ones to pay the price!

He is just a victim of income inequality.

[Anonymous]

I'd pay the rent AND host the boys for summer and breaks at least. Keeping them from losing their home is a wonderful gift, but a longer-lasting gift would be to expose them to how big the world is, and how much they could achieve.

You have the ability to show them a world beyond impoverished PA and I guarantee you could change their lives that way.

[Anonymous]

I would see if they can get any more public assistance than they are already getting.

I think it's ok to pay it. Jimmy is not a bad person, and it is better for them to stay with their father and have a safe place to call home. If they have to couch-surf it will lead to more problems in the long run-- and more of your money being spent.

[Anonymous]

I'd try to figure out a way to pay the rent directly so that they don't get evicted in the future, which adds extra expenses. Also if you are contributing in other ways, I'd try to see if you can do that directly as well. So sorry for your family. We have similar problems in mine and I've always found that paying directly instead of giving money saves me money while getting my family what they need.

[Anonymous]

If you can pay their rent where they live now, do it. Just set it up that you will pay rent, assuming you can afford it, until the youngest is 18 or whatever. And I agree--invite the nephews for summer breaks, etc. Let them have a little stability in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Pay their rent, but directly to he landlord and have them spend summers with you. It's wonderful that you're doing this for your family. Stability while a teenager is very very important.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for thoughts.

Question: I want to engage my nephews into the conversation so they can help hold their father accountable. Frankly they are smarter than he is. What do you think about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for thoughts.

Question: I want to engage my nephews into the conversation so they can help hold their father accountable. Frankly they are smarter than he is. What do you think about that?

I think that places them in a very difficult position and is probably not going to work very well. What exactly do you have in mind for them to hold him accountable? I think it would undermine his parental authority, and they really do need him to play the parent role as much as he can.

[Anonymous]

ITs not the kids job to hold their dad accountable. Sounds like there is a lot more going on and I would offer to take the kids until he gets more stable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for thoughts.

Question: I want to engage my nephews into the conversation so they can help hold their father accountable. Frankly they are smarter than he is. What do you think about that?

I think that places them in a very difficult position and is probably not going to work very well. What exactly do you have in mind for them to hold him accountable? I think it would undermine his parental authority, and they really do need him to play the parent role as much as he can.

My brother and I were going to have a few stipulations so they don't squander their money and not be able to pay their utilities which always happens. So the stipulations would be like:
- No more pets (they have a dog and snakes even though they regularly run out of people food)
- No room mates or other people living in the house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for thoughts.

Question: I want to engage my nephews into the conversation so they can help hold their father accountable. Frankly they are smarter than he is. What do you think about that?

I think that places them in a very difficult position and is probably not going to work very well. What exactly do you have in mind for them to hold him accountable? I think it would undermine his parental authority, and they really do need him to play the parent role as much as he can.

My brother and I were going to have a few stipulations so they don't squander their money and not be able to pay their utilities which always happens. So the stipulations would be like:
- No more pets (they have a dog and snakes even though they regularly run out of people food)
- No room mates or other people living in the house

I think those are reasonable rules for the whole family. But you can't expect the kids to be your enforcers or tattle on their father. That's really bad for the parent-child relationship, and it probably won't work anyway. If the dad starts letting someone stay in the house, what are the kids actually going to do about it?

Don't make any rules you're not willing to enforce, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for thoughts.

Question: I want to engage my nephews into the conversation so they can help hold their father accountable. Frankly they are smarter than he is. What do you think about that?

I think that places them in a very difficult position and is probably not going to work very well. What exactly do you have in mind for them to hold him accountable? I think it would undermine his parental authority, and they really do need him to play the parent role as much as he can.

My brother and I were going to have a few stipulations so they don't squander their money and not be able to pay their utilities which always happens. So the stipulations would be like:
- No more pets (they have a dog and snakes even though they regularly run out of people food)
- No room mates or other people living in the house

So what would happen if they do get a pet? Do you really think a 14 year old is going to call you up and say "Please stop paying our rent, because Dad got a cat so we should all be homeless." It's not realistic. You can convey to them your expectations, but realistically you're not going to be able to enforce this kind of thing from a distance.

[Anonymous]

I would figure out how to help them be more fiscally aware. Those who live in poverty do not have the same choice structure as those who do not.

There is no saving for the future because there is no long term thoughts.

For the boys - what are the long term plans? Is there college or trade school?

I would try and find a local support organization that knows about the resources and opportunities available to them. I would assume that since your BIL s on disability, there should be enough government support for food for the children.