bachelorette weekend away at 15 weeks

[Anonymous]

I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding this fall and have a bachelorette party planned in August when I will (hopefully) be 15 weeks. Other bridesmaids organized many activities over the course of the weekend (in NYC) and have asked that everyone pay one of them $750 to cover all costs (hotel, meals, taxis, drinking, etc.). Seeing that I won't be drinking, what do other suggest I do about the cost? I don't want to seem cheap, but I certainly don't want to pay for alcohol I won't be drinking.

[Anonymous]

Do they know you're pregnant yet?

Honestly, my first thought was "that's the cost of being a bridesmaid, suck it up." That is a crazy expensive expectation for a bachelorette party, but assuming you're okay with it other than paying for alcohol, I'd probably be likely just to pay the standard rate and not say anything. I don't know how the math is breaking down, but I'd feel bad after they sent out the cost coming back and saying "Oh, I won't be drinking, please distribute that cost to everyone else."

Now, if they don't know you're pregnant and haven't factored in that you won't be drinking, you could approach them and say "Hey, I've been keeping this quiet because it's still early, but I'm pregnant. I won't be drinking at the bachelorette party, so I don't know if that changes your cost calculations on alcohol. If it does, can we take that amount off of what I'm contributing?"

[Anonymous]

I would pay the whole fee.

[Anonymous]

OP here, they don't know I'm pregnant. I don't plan on telling anyone until after the first trimester screening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, they don't know I'm pregnant. I don't plan on telling anyone until after the first trimester screening.

If you won't tell them, you have no choice but to pay the whole thing.

[Anonymous]

Just pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, they don't know I'm pregnant. I don't plan on telling anyone until after the first trimester screening.

If you won't tell them, you have no choice but to pay the whole thing.

+1

[Anonymous]

Back booze out of the cost and everyone pays their own way with booze. It's not like this is an all-inclusive event, is it?

[Anonymous]

I am 11 weeks and have 3 bachlorettes coming up....two of which I am planning :-/ It seems weird to me that they are asking for the $750 up front to cover stuff that hasn't occurred yet. Evert other bachlorette I have ever been to (and I have been to A LOT) asks for the hotel up front (or weekend of) and then meal/booze after it happens. I've never been asked for that much $$ up front and think it's ridiculous...

Now for what to do....you're probably SOL and just have to pay for it. But this is a weird way of doing any bachlorette and I'd question it even if I wasn't pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Also agreed this is odd given they have no way of knowing how much booze/food will be ordered and the precise cost of every taxi. But if you agreed to this being done, you pay the same as everyone else. I was 12 week's at my best friend's bachelorette and absolutely just paid my 1/5 of the bill at every dinner we went to even though I wasn't drinking. Of course, we were covering the bride with our share as well.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks all for the feedback.

[Anonymous]

Since you are BM, I'm assuming you're close, so I'd just do it.

I've been to bachelorette's where they've done this before. Never that much though. We normally asked everyone to pitch in like $100 at the start of the night and we used to it to cover taxis and drinks and cover charges and the like. That way just one or two people are doing the transactions, and everyone else can just have fun. If there was money left over, it was split up the next day at breakfast. It can make things much easier.

That said, $750 upfront is a lot.

[Anonymous]

Agree with everyone else. Being in weddings is so expensive, but please don't start drama because you're pregnant. There is enough drama at these things.

If the girls are nice, once they know you're pregnant they will realize that you paid more than your share and couldn't drink, so maybe they'll give you a break on something else.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one that finds this odd regardless of her pregnancy status? I have friends that drink a ton, friends that drink one drink, etc. All inclusive w/ booze just would never ever work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one that finds this odd regardless of her pregnancy status? I have friends that drink a ton, friends that drink one drink, etc. All inclusive w/ booze just would never ever work.

I find the pre-payment odd and I've been in this situation MANY times (traveling for bachelorette parties etc).