How often do you see your local parents or in-laws?

[Anonymous]

I feel like my MIL's expectations for how often we see her are a little high and curious how often others see their in-town parents or in-laws. Obviously, it varies in each family and with what people want, but both DH and I feel like MIL is a little overbearing!

How often do you usually meet up with your parents or in-laws (i.e. twice a week, once a month, etc.)?

How long do you usually spend together when you do meet up (i.e. have dinner together for about 3 hours, spend the whole day together, etc.)?

Do you have kids? Much of my MIL's desire to see us all the time is to see her grandchildren (which I understand, of course).

Do you plan visits ahead of time, or are they more spur-of-the-moment? Do you have a set plan, like you always have dinner on Thursdays, or does it change all the time?

We usually spend at least one full day with MIL on the weekends and then spend an evening with her one other time during the week (dinner and hanging out before/after). But she still contacts us for even more! This seems like a lot to me already, since we have other things in our lives and other people we'd like to see -- friends, co-workers, etc.

[Anonymous]

I think you need more structure in your MIL visits. What about dropping the kids off for Friday or Saturday nights at their grandparents house? Or Thursday after school with grandma?

My parents have a 2nd home down the street from me. When they're in town (40% of the year), I see them a lot. If I'm going shopping, I invite my mom. When my DH is working on the house, my dad will be helping him. If we make a big dinner, we invite them over. We like planning weekend trips with them. They make dinner every Monday night and have us over. It takes a burden off of us (Monday is the busiest, more tiring day for us). My parents aren't intrusive though and I have no trouble standing up to them. When DH says it's too much, we back off. We really, really enjoy them living nearby though. DH has been a saint about it and he sees how happy I am with them.

[Anonymous]

multiple times a week, since we had kids. before that it was once a week at most.

[Anonymous]

Wow, op that's way to often for me. My MIL moved to town. Fortunately, she is pretty passive aggressive, so she'll make PA comments about wanting to spend more time with us but doesn't do things as simple as invite us over for dinner. I think she wants us to invite her over more, which is very hard during the week. I'd say we end up seeing her 2x/month, which is plenty for me.

[Anonymous]

We live 45 minutes from my parents and see them 2 - 3 times a month. DH actually usually is the "driver" behind seeing them, as he and my father watch certain sports games together.

[Anonymous]

We see my father once a week for dinner, since he lives in the suburbs and works downtown. My mother is 2 hours away and we see her as infrequently as possible. I will not go to her house and since I forbid her dogs at mine and she refuses to go anywhere without them, it's down to 2-3 times a year.

[Anonymous]

MIL is local. DH sees her about every other day or every 2 days since she lives between his job and our home. Before you call him a momma's boy, SIL is local also, and is on the same frequency. MIL is quite overbearing and expects/demands a lot. Instead of consolidating errands or honey-do-list items into 1 or 2 big trips, she purposely divides things up into small ticket items/to-dos so that she will have an excuse to demand, I mean request, a visit.

This has put stress on DH and me. I feel no need to accompany them to bed bath or target weekly when I can check off things on my own to-do list or just do whatever I want. I think the frequency is starting to wear on DH a bit and he may resent that I have the "freedom" to decline. He recently commented that I seem to turn down every invitation to spend time with MIL. I'd say I end up seeing her twice a month.

[Anonymous]

DS sees them weekly (they pick him up one day a week).

DH and I see them a few times a month for sporting events (Nats games usually), dinners, or just even invite them to stop over for coffee and dessert after their movie night or dinner out.

[Anonymous]

The live a few miles from us and we see them about once a month. They say they want to be more involved, but, I guess not. We invite them to events, but they only accept dinner invitations. So it is usually for about 2-3 hours for dinner.

My siblings live close to my parents and they host a weekly dinner and then do something on the weekend every few weeks for a few hours.

[Anonymous]

MIL is local and we see her once a month.

[Anonymous]

We have a 1 yo and we see my inlaws for a couple of hours every other weekend - sometimes more often. There isn't a set plan, it just usually works out that way.

If I were you I would tell your MIL you are struggling to get everything you need to get done on the weekends bc you're devoting a whole day to a visit. See if she'll take the kids on Saturday or Sunday mornings for a couple of hours so you can run errands (or see friends, whatever) and then spend the afternoon as a family.

[Anonymous]

My mom does a lot of the after school driving for DS, so she sees him a lot and stops by the house to drop things off occasionally, but she also tries very hard to give us our space so there will be weeks when I don't see her at all myself since I'm at work when she stops by. I try to call and invite her for dinner at least a few times a month.

[Anonymous]

My mother in law lives on the opposite side of the metro area from us--so reliably a 40-60 minute drive. She travels a lot, but we see her about twice a month when she's in town. She has proven herself unreliable for childcare, so we do one of the following things:
(1) Go to her house for a "holiday" focused meal (e.g. Labor Day)
(2) Invite her over for play time at our house
(3) Take her to a neutral location, such as the pool
(4) Invite her a long on a child-focused outing we were going to do anyway

We used to go out to meals, but we are in that toddler phase where restaurant-eating is not fun for anyone. We may return to eating out with her when our children can stay in their seats for more than 5 minutes.

[Anonymous]

My parents live nearby and we occasionally skip a weekend but usually see them every weekend. They have us over for dinner; occasionally we go out. We don't have kids. If we do, I imagine we'll see them even more.

[Anonymous]

Have more frequent but brief visits. All day with MIL is insane and would drive anyone crazy. She can visit for an hour or two then she needs to go away.