Can parent sharing legal custody change child's religion or prevent child from practicing religion?

[Anonymous]

My ex and I are from 2 different religious backgrounds, plus he's actually an agnostic at best. Our daughter has been raised in my religion and at 10, he wants to change it! He'd like her to practice the religion of his family or at least stop practicing the religion she's grown up with. I am consulting a lawyer next week, but am curious about the experience of others. Can he change her religion or make her stop being what she 's already been raised as?

[Anonymous]

Interesting. I don't know -- but I am curious to hear the responses.

Since you have 50/50, I suspect that there will be nothing to prevent him from exposing her to his religion. I don't think he can "stop" her from practicing hers either. This certainly begs a few deep discussions with your DD on the topic of religion and tolerance for other beliefs.

I would imagine that you can do your best to show her how you live your life, expose her to your religion, and let her choose as she gets older.

Eager to hear other viewpoints. And, for the record, I am sorry that you are going through this.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I have no trouble with DD attending services for my ex's family religion, but he wants a conversion and I do have a problem with that. I hope the court respects that she's been practicing and believing one religion for 10 years.

[Anonymous]

What state do you live in? What does your custody agreement say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. I have no trouble with DD attending services for my ex's family religion, but he wants a conversion and I do have a problem with that. I hope the court respects that she's been practicing and believing one religion for 10 years.

Well, she's ten years old. Little kids believe lots of different things.

[Anonymous]

Maryland and the custody agreement didn't specify a religion because we had been in agreement until this year.

[Anonymous]

By the time I was ten I fully believed in the religion I'd been raised in. Telling me I had to be another religion would not have worked. You could have forced me to attend other services, but I can't imagine any respectable clergy person (is that the umbrella term for them?) would convert a kid who said "I think Jesus is just a dead Jewish guy and don't believe he's God's son and I will never ever pray to jesus and think Mary was raped or just couldn't admit to having had sex."

[Anonymous]

He certainly can't prevent your daughter from practicing your religion when she is with you, but the reverse is also true. You can't prevent your husband from having your daughter practice his religion when she is with him. The issue of conversion is religion dependent because the elements of conversion differ in different religions. I had parents of different religions. We practiced both religions but my parents didn't have me complete the formal joining ceremonies of either religion. They left it up to me to choose as an adult since a child can't really separate what his or her parent wants them to believe from what they believe themselves. As an adult, I did join one religion and both my parents are fine with it.

Maybe talk to you ex and see if you can have your daughter continue to participate your religion as well as his while formally joining neither. At 10, she hasn't had a confirmation or a bat mitzvah yet, so there is still time to let her explore both her parent's backgrounds before choosing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He certainly can't prevent your daughter from practicing your religion when she is with you, but the reverse is also true. You can't prevent your husband from having your daughter practice his religion when she is with him. The issue of conversion is religion dependent because the elements of conversion differ in different religions. I had parents of different religions. We practiced both religions but my parents didn't have me complete the formal joining ceremonies of either religion. They left it up to me to choose as an adult since a child can't really separate what his or her parent wants them to believe from what they believe themselves. As an adult, I did join one religion and both my parents are fine with it.

Maybe talk to you ex and see if you can have your daughter continue to participate your religion as well as his while formally joining neither. At 10, she hasn't had a confirmation or a bat mitzvah yet, so there is still time to let her explore both her parent's backgrounds before choosing.

He's not interested in a middle ground. One of the issues is prayer. She prays at bedtime and he wants her to use a prayer from his family religion or not pray at all. She was distressed over this since she has said the same prayer every night since she could speak.

Another issue is services. He doesn't want her to attend any services but those for his family religion. He doesn't even go regularly himself!

He told her that this is all my fault because I didn't convert when we married. I am an avid practitioner of my religion and he knew this when we married. We agreed I wouldn't convert and that any children would be raised in my religion as he doesn't really believe his family's religion.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you need a lawyer on this one. My guess, knowing little, is that the judge would decide, not that your husband automatically gets his way just because he has 50-50 custody. Gather documentation relating to your child's engagement with your religion, any emails with your ex-husband or other family members about it, etc. Have you talked to your child, in a neutral and objective way, about your ex's religion to see what she thinks about it?

What are the religions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He certainly can't prevent your daughter from practicing your religion when she is with you, but the reverse is also true. You can't prevent your husband from having your daughter practice his religion when she is with him. The issue of conversion is religion dependent because the elements of conversion differ in different religions. I had parents of different religions. We practiced both religions but my parents didn't have me complete the formal joining ceremonies of either religion. They left it up to me to choose as an adult since a child can't really separate what his or her parent wants them to believe from what they believe themselves. As an adult, I did join one religion and both my parents are fine with it.

Maybe talk to you ex and see if you can have your daughter continue to participate your religion as well as his while formally joining neither. At 10, she hasn't had a confirmation or a bat mitzvah yet, so there is still time to let her explore both her parent's backgrounds before choosing.

He's not interested in a middle ground. One of the issues is prayer. She prays at bedtime and he wants her to use a prayer from his family religion or not pray at all. She was distressed over this since she has said the same prayer every night since she could speak.

Another issue is services. He doesn't want her to attend any services but those for his family religion. He doesn't even go regularly himself!

He told her that this is all my fault because I didn't convert when we married. I am an avid practitioner of my religion and he knew this when we married. We agreed I wouldn't convert and that any children would be raised in my religion as he doesn't really believe his family's religion.

He is obviously not allowed to impose his own religion to the point of making her stop saying a prayer that is part of your religion, but you are also not allowed to superimpose your religion over his because you think he doesn't really believe in his family's religion. If you end up in front of a judge, he is not going to take sides on which religion the child should solely practice but probably set limits to what each parent can impose on the other in terms of what you instill in the child. She can practice and be taught his religion when she is with him, and she can practice and be taught your religion when she is with you. She is only 10, she may eventually decide she believes in one or the other or neither.

[Anonymous]

What religions are these?

[Anonymous]

What is driving this, OP? This sounds like a weirdly extreme change to make. Is something coming up age-wise with either of your religions that he is threatened by? Are there practices associated with your religion that he is bothered by such that he is pushing his family's religion, even though he does not truly believe?

I do not think that a judge will agree that one parent is allowed to prohibit a particular prayer or prohibit you from taking her to services when she's with you. I do think that you will have a hard time getting any schedule accommodations on religious grounds if he is unsupportive of the religious practice, and if you're talking about any kind of orthodox practice (keeping kosher, dress codes, etc.), it will be very difficult for either parent to enforce those things on the other parent's time.

Curious about which religions.

[Anonymous]

What religions are they, OP?

Different religions have different requirements for conversion and some have none.

For example, in Catholicism, your daughter would not be able to walk into a church on Sunday with your ex, take communion and say she was Catholic based on your husband's decision. Your daughter wpuld need to attend RCIA or faith formation for at least a year before she (not your husband) would decide if she wants to convert. Preparation for sacraments like First Communion can take up to two years depending on the circumstance.

Your husband could bring her to Mass and sign her up for CCD, but he wouldn"t be able to just snap his fingers and decree her Catholic just to spite yoi. In fact, since she is ten, he would need to be part of the process which includes taking her to Mass each week for one to two years prior to her conversion.

I am mot familiar with conversion requirements for other religions, but I am sure that many of them have some sort of similar education requirement prior to conversion. I would research his religion and see if his has something similar. If he is agnostic and does not believe in his family's faith tradition then he might not have the interest to actually follow through with the requirements.

[Anonymous]

What religions are we talking about?