Dealing with a parent who says horrible things.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone else go through this? I often feel really hurt by comments my dad makes even if they aren't about me. For example, he will call a celebrity on TV "fat and ugly" and I wonder does he feel the same way about me? Ugh I hate that feeling.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you! it is difficult to break patterns and if he has always been like this and you have never said anything (because you were a kid), then it is a difficult pattern to break. My mom is super negative. I just try to say positive things when she says negative things. i probably annoy her, but it helps me. Unfortunately you cannot pick your parents like you can your friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else go through this? I often feel really hurt by comments my dad makes even if they aren't about me. For example, he will call a celebrity on TV "fat and ugly" and I wonder does he feel the same way about me? Ugh I hate that feeling.

OP, how in the world would you draw the conclusion that he is thinking about you when he makes a statement like that -- albeit unkind -- about another person? Therein, I think, is your problem. Everything is not about you.

[Anonymous]

Pp, I am a large person and I often struggle with self esteem. I just feel that if he thinks someone who isn't that heavy is "fat and ugly" then I'm like "damn what does he think about me?"

[Anonymous]

My mother hardly ever says something positive about anybody, and when she does, it's always with a tone of surprise. She's an expert at knifing people in the back.

So, yes, I know what you're talking about. I limit contact - live across the pond, and see her once a year on average.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp, I am a large person and I often struggle with self esteem. I just feel that if he thinks someone who isn't that heavy is "fat and ugly" then I'm like "damn what does he think about me?"

I get that. But I think it is unrealistic of you to expect your father or anyone else to have to censor his thoughts/ words, in the hopes that you will not get upset by it. I hope that you can work on your self esteem issue. Again, everything is not about you! But your word choice here indicates that you don't understand that and have a skewed perspective, perhaps on many things. This can harm your relationship with your father and probably other people that you interact with in this way too.

[Anonymous]

my dad was the same way. He could be kind and charming, then come out of nowhere with a comment that felt like a knife wound. I learned to not let my guard down around him. And he did mellow quite alot with age.

The sad thing is that I have to be very mindful not to repeat his pattern. I tend to be very critical and sometimes I regret the words that unthinkingly come out of my mouth.

Sorry you have to go through this too, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp, I am a large person and I often struggle with self esteem. I just feel that if he thinks someone who isn't that heavy is "fat and ugly" then I'm like "damn what does he think about me?"

I get that. But I think it is unrealistic of you to expect your father or anyone else to have to censor his thoughts/ words, in the hopes that you will not get upset by it. I hope that you can work on your self esteem issue. Again, everything is not about you! But your word choice here indicates that you don't understand that and have a skewed perspective, perhaps on many things. This can harm your relationship with your father and probably other people that you interact with in this way too.

You sound like an idiot. Please describe yourself. Are you black? White? Now imagine if a friend who is a different race said something like "look at that dumb (white/black) bitch." You would be taken aback by that and feel like op does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp, I am a large person and I often struggle with self esteem. I just feel that if he thinks someone who isn't that heavy is "fat and ugly" then I'm like "damn what does he think about me?"

I get that. But I think it is unrealistic of you to expect your father or anyone else to have to censor his thoughts/ words, in the hopes that you will not get upset by it. I hope that you can work on your self esteem issue. Again, everything is not about you! But your word choice here indicates that you don't understand that and have a skewed perspective, perhaps on many things. This can harm your relationship with your father and probably other people that you interact with in this way too.

You sound like an idiot. Please describe yourself. Are you black? White? Now imagine if a friend who is a different race said something like "look at that dumb (white/black) bitch." You would be taken aback by that and feel like op does.

I may be taken aback by the words, but I would not feel like OP apparently does. OP is way over personalizing this. I have a feeling there is more to the story of her relationship with her father (and other men?) than we have been given here.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. My dad re-tweets horrible things on twitter. Anti-feminist, racist. Ugh. So sad. When I noticed his twitter feed, it pretty much killed any remaining emotion I had for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp, I am a large person and I often struggle with self esteem. I just feel that if he thinks someone who isn't that heavy is "fat and ugly" then I'm like "damn what does he think about me?"

I get that. But I think it is unrealistic of you to expect your father or anyone else to have to censor his thoughts/ words, in the hopes that you will not get upset by it. I hope that you can work on your self esteem issue. Again, everything is not about you! But your word choice here indicates that you don't understand that and have a skewed perspective, perhaps on many things. This can harm your relationship with your father and probably other people that you interact with in this way too.

You sound like an idiot. Please describe yourself. Are you black? White? Now imagine if a friend who is a different race said something like "look at that dumb (white/black) bitch." You would be taken aback by that and feel like op does.

NP here. Exactly. And then imagine it wasn't a friend, but your mom or dad. To say the OP shouldn't take it personally is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I get it. When someone you love says mean things about someone else, especially totally unnecessarily mean things, they are showing that they are a negative and critical person, and you can feel like they must think negative and critical things about you.

I have this issue with my husband--he's started to make negative comments about other people's appearance, and it makes me wonder what he thinks about mine. Honestly, it makes me like him less, too.

[Anonymous]

I would be really offended by your dad's comments, too. My mom has also been very judgmental of those suffering from mental illness, and this has made it very difficult for me to share with her my own family's struggles with depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else go through this? I often feel really hurt by comments my dad makes even if they aren't about me. For example, he will call a celebrity on TV "fat and ugly" and I wonder does he feel the same way about me? Ugh I hate that feeling.

I'm a father myself and OP your comment is really offensive to me because it makes me think whether or not you, my own kids, or perfect strangers might think I'm a bad father.

Therefore, please shut the fuck up, OP, since you said something that hurts my feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else go through this? I often feel really hurt by comments my dad makes even if they aren't about me. For example, he will call a celebrity on TV "fat and ugly" and I wonder does he feel the same way about me? Ugh I hate that feeling.

I'm a father myself and OP your comment is really offensive to me because it makes me think whether or not you, my own kids, or perfect strangers might think I'm a bad father.

Therefore, please shut the fuck up, OP, since you said something that hurts my feelings.

This is just mean and rude and totally off the mark.