Hurting so bad over breakup

[Anonymous]

We were together 4 yrs, & I ended it because marriage was not an option. It's only been 3 weeks, but I am devastated. I'm still very much in love. There has been minimal communication, & only because I initiate it with a text. I get a response to how much I am missed and loved, but no moves to change things. Everyday I wake up and go to bed hoping that I hear that there's been a change of heart, but nothing. I'm hurting so much.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for you. Breakups are so tough. Why was marriage not an option? If that's truly the case keep reminding yourself it was not meant to be and please stop texting him - you're making things a lot harder on yourself. Hope you start to feel better...

[Anonymous]

Was he already married while you were with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was he already married while you were with him?

No. we were both single. Just no interest in marriage, but wanted to "be together forever"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were together 4 yrs, & I ended it because marriage was not an option. It's only been 3 weeks, but I am devastated. I'm still very much in love. There has been minimal communication, & only because I initiate it with a text. I get a response to how much I am missed and loved, but no moves to change things. Everyday I wake up and go to bed hoping that I hear that there's been a change of heart, but nothing. I'm hurting so much.

I'm so sorry. Just gently remind yourself that if you wanted marriage and that wasn't an option in this relationship that you did the right thing for you. I would suggest going no contact, it will help you heal and "get over" the idea that he might change his mind.

If you want marriage, there is a partner out there for you, that will love you and commit to you and miss you when you are apart

Again, I'm sorry, I know its hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was he already married while you were with him?

No. we were both single. Just no interest in marriage, but wanted to "be together forever"

How old are you?

[Anonymous]

I just wanted to "be together forever" too, but she was able to convince me that we needed to get married. We're still together and we have kids. I really wasn't going to get married. I'm trying to remember why I finally gave in.

I have known several couples that have been together for over 20 years and then when they finally got married, they were divorced less than a year later. Just an observation.

[Anonymous]

Are you the milk cow from a previous thread?

[Anonymous]

Time. Time will help a lot, OP. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Is this the woman in a lesbian relationship where the partner want to be fully outed?

Whatever the case, OP, yes it hurts like hell. But it "will" get better. Be gentle on yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this the woman in a lesbian relationship where the partner DID NOT want to be fully outed?

Whatever the case, OP, yes it hurts like hell. But it "will" get better. Be gentle on yourself.

[Anonymous]

It seems to me you have a choice to make, OP. Is the goal being within him in a committed relationship, forever? Or is the goal being married?

[Anonymous]

OP, it's okay to feel sad an mourn. 4 years is a long time to lose.

That being said, you have to start to put it into perspective. Stop texting. Stop dreaming that there will be a change of heart. Stop texting and setting yourself up for failure.

Because someone will or won't marry you had nothing to Dow tin the love that you've shared. It's an incompatibility. Wishing for th me to budge is like them wishing for you to budge. If you ended the relationship for your position, understand that they are just as stuck on theirs. There is no compromise or halfway.

So unless you can change your own change of heart, stop holding out and start letting go. Stop texting. Cry, scream, kick the wall, mourn.. It's okay. You hurt for a while, but from it, you'll find someone who has a belief in marriage that aligns with yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me you have a choice to make, OP. Is the goal being within him in a committed relationship, forever? Or is the goal being married?

oh please. if the bf really wanted to be "together forever" he would have married the OP. but apparently his distaste of marriage is stronger than his forever love.

OP, you did the right. but you need to stop texting him. the fact that you are the initiator already shows you that you cared for him more than he did for you. this is the reason he didn't want to get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me you have a choice to make, OP. Is the goal being within him in a committed relationship, forever? Or is the goal being married?

oh please. if the bf really wanted to be "together forever" he would have married the OP. but apparently his distaste of marriage is stronger than his forever love.

OP, you did the right. but you need to stop texting him. the fact that you are the initiator already shows you that you cared for him more than he did for you. this is the reason he didn't want to get married.

And one could argue that that the OPs desire to be actually married overrides her actual desire for forever love. I don't think the two things can be equated, given how some people treat marriage as a passing fancy these days.