single parents

[Anonymous]

I'm struggling. My child is in melt down from the losses of his father and other things. DC is challenging and I don't have any support. I find my self resentful. DC wakes me up all night (well past the age to do this), DC melts down at every turn. I have less and less positive feelings for DC...what do I do? How do I get out of this cycle with DC?

[Anonymous]

You mention loss of his father--did his father pass away? Is that the grief he is dealing with?

[Anonymous]

Therapy for him? Almost everyone I know who has divorced has found therapy to be helpful for their kids, to give them an outlet to talk about it. I don't know if this is divorce-related, but I think any loss could be helped this way. I'm sorry you are going through this.

[Anonymous]

No, did not pass away. Just dipped out.

None of the hurts are new, and therapy going strong for 3 years (and longer for me). DC is better all the time, but still SO challenging. I just don't have much left in me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, did not pass away. Just dipped out.

None of the hurts are new, and therapy going strong for 3 years (and longer for me). DC is better all the time, but still SO challenging. I just don't have much left in me.

How old is DS. Can you put him in some sports to burn off more energy. Get him nice and tired, and in bed early. If he sleeps better, you will sleep better and you will both feel better.
My DS is asleep by 7:45 most nights. I love him so much but I need my me time at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

How old is DC?

I know it's hard and sometimes you'll need a break, but you've gotta love, hug and nurture him through it all. I also question 3+ years of therapy. At some point we simply have to move on from things, realize life isn't fair. We can't stay stuck on daddy leaving. At this point he/you should be closer to "Daddy's gone" and moving on without him.

[Anonymous]

Where do you live? Is there a single parents group where you live? I think you need to find support. Many others are in a similar situation and it can help to realize you are not alone, and you also might be able to find some practical support (babysitting swap). Do you have a sitter? You sound like you need some time for yourself and are not getting it. I think getting that time might change the cycle you are in enough to make a difference.

[Anonymous]

Have you considered the possibility that your son may have issues beyond the divorce? If he hasn't had a full evaluation, it may be time. And you have my sympathies, because with my daughter it's always hard to figure out what is a kid being a kid, what is the divorce, and what is a larger behavioral issue.

[Anonymous]

Hard to know without an age. You might try scheduling a fun one-on-one time with DC, an activity you both might enjoy. It could be putting together a puzzle, going to get ice cream, or trying a new park. You might consider setting up a bed in your room for DC to help both of you get a good night sleep. Maybe time, even 10 minutes, to allow DC to say anything on his mind before bed. Lots of exercise can reduce stress.

[Anonymous]

I really think that you need to consider therapy or turning to a minister for pastoral care or maybe look at Women's Center of Vienna? I don't say this because there is anything wrong with you. I say this because your post sounds like you need an outlet, a place for more support for you and the hard work you do. It's not easy but it's not going to get better if you keep choking on your feelings.

[SingleDad24x7]

Anonymous wrote:I really think that you need to consider therapy or turning to a minister for pastoral care or maybe look at Women's Center of Vienna? I don't say this because there is anything wrong with you. I say this because your post sounds like you need an outlet, a place for more support for you and the hard work you do. It's not easy but it's not going to get better if you keep choking on your feelings.

+1

It sounds like potentially very normal behavior issues for your son. The ongoing therapy (and suggestions from others to investigate whether there might be additional/deeper issues at work) are all good, and ought to be continued. But for your sake, you need to get yourself a support structure. Friends, church (if you're of that mindset), a therapist of your own, support group connected to the school...or even just posting here as a start.

I've been the sole parent for my daughter (14) since my wife passed when DD was 4. It's not easy, but it *can* be done. I know it sounds cliche', but hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm struggling. My child is in melt down from the losses of his father and other things. DC is challenging and I don't have any support. I find my self resentful. DC wakes me up all night (well past the age to do this), DC melts down at every turn. I have less and less positive feelings for DC...what do I do? How do I get out of this cycle with DC?

How old is your DC? What does s/he say when waking you up at night? Is s/he anxious?