Jealous of my perfect sister

[Anonymous]

My sister, who is 4 years younger than me, is perfect. Not only is she blessed with stunning good looks, she is also a social butterfly, very intelligent and has a good head on her shoulders. While I struggled in school and was a loner, she got good grades and has made a bunch of really close friends who would do anything for her. On top of that she is level headed and motivated and knows stars important in life.

I'm just intimidated by all the amazing qualities she possesses and am jealous that while I am so flawed and had to struggle so much with self esteem and loneliness, she glides through life.

[Anonymous]

The way to improve yourself is to recognize that who you are is not set in stone, that you have the tools to improve yourself, your own strength, will power, determination, intelligence, etc. It is in you to decide whether you will wallow over your own inadequacies or focus on what next step you will take to succeed or improve yourself. These are decisions we need to constantly make. It's not about comparing yourself to others, but to yourself. Who are you today. Who will you be tomorrow? It's in your power to get there. Make it happen.

[Anonymous]

are you the best you could be? if not you have your work set for you.

i also have a sister who is more attractive and overall more successful. but those things go up and down - for example, i have two kids while she has one (and wanted more), i published in a #1 journal in her main field which she never managed to etc.

i get it, it's only natural that you would compare yourself to your siblings, especially same-sex sibling. but don't let that bring you down, focus on the many ways you can improve yourself and things will sort themselves out.

[Anonymous]

I feel you, OP. I have a younger brother like this, whom I adore. I try and remind myself that I cleared a path SO WIDE for that kid with my struggles while we were growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you, OP. I have a younger brother like this, whom I adore. I try and remind myself that I cleared a path SO WIDE for that kid with my struggles while we were growing up.

Haha. It's true though!i don't think it's a coincidence that she excels at all the things I did not; it's like she learned from my mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Good Lord. Is this self pity day today ?

GROW UP ALREADY.

[Anonymous]

There is no such thing as perfect.

Everybody has some strengths, and every has flaws and weaknesses - some people are just better about keeping the latter more private.

Often times those that appear to be most "perfect" and together on the outside, are battling the worst demons on the inside (think about all the perfect, happy, positive stuff people post on social media - it's just one side of the coin)

Go forth and be the best, or better YOU that you can be, and continue to try and work on others. There's no need to put others down or bash them, but don't compare yourself to others.

[Anonymous]

Her in your life should make you stronger. It better.

There will be a lot of other people, when you look around, to compare yourself to - and feel bad - if that's how you want to live your life. You make the decision to live this way. Instead of wishing there was some flaw in your sister, you need to realize that you are probably being superficial. Are you truly appreciating others in your life and what they have to offer? Despite their imperfections ~

She is 1 person, only 1 person. You have a bigger problem than this 1 person.

[Anonymous]

If she is beautiful, you have to realize that gave her a huge advantage with her relationships with other people, job opportunities, life opportunities and self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she is beautiful, you have to realize that gave her a huge advantage with her relationships with other people, job opportunities, life opportunities and self esteem.

I'm sure it did. She was a very cute baby and all my mom's friends would fawn over her. I was a premie so I looked too awkward and weak. They'd tell me to eat food instead of cuddling and cooing at me lol.

My sister has grown into a very beautiful young woman. She never even had an awk phase in high school where I was crippled by social anxiety. Everyone wants to be her friend and they fall over backwards trying to include her in stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she is beautiful, you have to realize that gave her a huge advantage with her relationships with other people, job opportunities, life opportunities and self esteem.

I'm sure it did. She was a very cute baby and all my mom's friends would fawn over her. I was a premie so I looked too awkward and weak. They'd tell me to eat food instead of cuddling and cooing at me lol.

My sister has grown into a very beautiful young woman. She never even had an awk phase in high school where I was crippled by social anxiety. Everyone wants to be her friend and they fall over backwards trying to include her in stuff.

And how has she turned out as a result of that? Is she really a nice person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she is beautiful, you have to realize that gave her a huge advantage with her relationships with other people, job opportunities, life opportunities and self esteem.

I'm sure it did. She was a very cute baby and all my mom's friends would fawn over her. I was a premie so I looked too awkward and weak. They'd tell me to eat food instead of cuddling and cooing at me lol.

My sister has grown into a very beautiful young woman. She never even had an awk phase in high school where I was crippled by social anxiety. Everyone wants to be her friend and they fall over backwards trying to include her in stuff.

And how has she turned out as a result of that? Is she really a nice person?

She's really nice most of the time. Her friends genuinely care about her so she must be s good friend too. Everyone seems too early her; parents want their daughters to end up like her or date her and friends want to be very close to her. The worst thing I can say about her is that she's kind of vain. She wouldn't dare leave the house without her "face" on and spends hours in the bathroom with grooming and makeup. She freaks the fuck out if she gets 3 pimples which makes me feel shitty since I had bad acne in high school. She can't even deal with 3 zits.

[Anonymous]

You're different people, with different personalities and strengths. Focus on yourself, on building yourself up and finding your passions. As PP wisely said, open yourself up to different kinds of people and make new connections. I guarantee that your idea of "perfect" will shift, or become irrelevant to your life.

I have no desire to be perfect, but I do care about being a good person. To have a good friend you need to be a good friend, which can only happen if you stop focusing on yourself and your deficits. The world needs all kunds of people, so embrace who you are and know that you will grow and change over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she is beautiful, you have to realize that gave her a huge advantage with her relationships with other people, job opportunities, life opportunities and self esteem.

I'm sure it did. She was a very cute baby and all my mom's friends would fawn over her. I was a premie so I looked too awkward and weak. They'd tell me to eat food instead of cuddling and cooing at me lol.

My sister has grown into a very beautiful young woman. She never even had an awk phase in high school where I was crippled by social anxiety. Everyone wants to be her friend and they fall over backwards trying to include her in stuff.

And how has she turned out as a result of that? Is she really a nice person?

She's really nice most of the time. Her friends genuinely care about her so she must be s good friend too. Everyone seems too early her; parents want their daughters to end up like her or date her and friends want to be very close to her. The worst thing I can say about her is that she's kind of vain. She wouldn't dare leave the house without her "face" on and spends hours in the bathroom with grooming and makeup. She freaks the fuck out if she gets 3 pimples which makes me feel shitty since I had bad acne in high school. She can't even deal with 3 zits.

So she believes her own hype and has taken to worshiping herself and her looks. That will not end well, I promise you.

[Anonymous]

Btw, how do you really know how people responded to you as a baby, versus your sister? Where does this script in your head come from - do you parents present things this way, or is this your own perception? You need to let go of this script that you seem to feel is pre-written.