Shy DD and group presentation - WWYD?

[Anonymous]

DD is in 7th grade and goes to a small, academically intense school where much of the student body came from the elementary gifted program. (She did not).
DD has always been very quiet. SHe is also very shy and not assertive except when it comes to her little sister. We had her tested for ADHD - inattentiveness but that come back boarder-line mild and according to the psychologist, she had to put something like that in the report to not have the insurance decline payment. She does have slow processing speed and organizational issues. (Think disorganized professor.) She has a 504 for organization but we haven't figured out how to make it helpful for her.

Mix type A personality kids, group presentation, shy kid and the result was she was run over. SHe said she had her part of the presentation planned out and she got to say one sentence before one of the other kids jumped in, interrupted her and said what she was going to say. So she said one sentence for like a 15 minute presentation.

When the presentation was done, her group members were bad mouthing her to other peers that she didn't do anything. (Even though she hosted two planning gatherings at our house for several hours and went to two other planning gatherings.) I am also worried that she will get the reputation of not pulling her weight with group projects and that kids will avoid working with her - the equivalent of being the last one picked in P.E. class.

I bet she was petrified to have to speak in front of the class and needed extra time to get her words out but her group just rolled over her.

I would like her teachers to work with her to teach and help her assert herself in situations like this. Given her grade - 7th - I don't want to be a helicopter mom either.

WWYD?

[Anonymous]

I think you're over analyzing it. The kids won't hold it against her, they will forget all about that presentation in a few days.

[Anonymous]

Please do not take this the wrong way, but with the best will in the world, I suspect your DD may be in the wrong school. It just doesn't sound like a good fit or somewhere where she will flourish and gain confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please do not take this the wrong way, but with the best will in the world, I suspect your DD may be in the wrong school. It just doesn't sound like a good fit or somewhere where she will flourish and gain confidence.

I understand where you are coming from and DH and I chose this school over our neighborhood school after much debate.

Our other choice for school is the neighborhood middle school with 950 kids crammed into a 40 year old building built for 600. THe school we chose - her current school has 64 kids in her grade and 450 kids 6-12th grade. We debated not sending her to this choice school but when her neuropsych came back the end of 5th grade (5-9) she scored >12-9 grade equivalent and >19.11 age equivalent for reading comprehension, 10-5 grade and 16 age equivalent for spelling, 7-4 grade and 12.8 age for math etc... we thought she could handle the academic and that the smaller environment would be better.

She is not gifted - deducing logic puzzles and other gifted traits are not her strengths, thus the reason she is not gifted . She is a hard worker, though. But shyness is getting in her way....

[Anonymous]

I can't speak to this because I'm new to the area, but I bet someone else could. I'm thinking about acting classes in a low key environment? Just for fun?

I will also mention that my DD (same age) sounds like your DD (and has a little sister who is WOW out there, eclipsing her with extroversion). I put her in private singing classes. What comes along with singing is the other stuff about how to deal with public appearances etc. (not that she had any public appearances; she had one low key one and was very nervous and didn't sound too good, lol) But in general, she flourished, OP. And it didn't take long.

[Anonymous]

She needs to practice, practice, practice. She needs to know how to promote herself as "the chick who does tons of background work".

Is there a toastmasters for kids? She needs to decide that this is something she wants to overcome - until she does, nothing will truly help her.

[Anonymous]

She needs to deal with it if she needs help. She's in 7th grade, make suggestions to her and discuss her options but she should ask her teachers for help herself. She needs to learn how to advocate for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to deal with it if she needs help. She's in 7th grade, make suggestions to her and discuss her options but she should ask her teachers for help herself. She needs to learn how to advocate for herself.

Yes she needs to learn how to advocate for herself - but how does she do it as she just doesn't have the skill yet? What suggestions can I make to her?
Saying - "go talk to the teacher" won't be effective. She needs a bit for scaffolding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to deal with it if she needs help. She's in 7th grade, make suggestions to her and discuss her options but she should ask her teachers for help herself. She needs to learn how to advocate for herself.

Yes she needs to learn how to advocate for herself - but how does she do it as she just doesn't have the skill yet? What suggestions can I make to her?
Saying - "go talk to the teacher" won't be effective. She needs a bit for scaffolding.

Have her schedule a meeting with the teacher.

Plan out a list of things and have her practice what she will say/ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is in 7th grade and goes to a small, academically intense school where much of the student body came from the elementary gifted program. (She did not).
DD has always been very quiet. SHe is also very shy and not assertive except when it comes to her little sister. We had her tested for ADHD - inattentiveness but that come back boarder-line mild and according to the psychologist, she had to put something like that in the report to not have the insurance decline payment. She does have slow processing speed and organizational issues. (Think disorganized professor.) She has a 504 for organization but we haven't figured out how to make it helpful for her.

Mix type A personality kids, group presentation, shy kid and the result was she was run over. SHe said she had her part of the presentation planned out and she got to say one sentence before one of the other kids jumped in, interrupted her and said what she was going to say. So she said one sentence for like a 15 minute presentation.

When the presentation was done, her group members were bad mouthing her to other peers that she didn't do anything. (Even though she hosted two planning gatherings at our house for several hours and went to two other planning gatherings.) I am also worried that she will get the reputation of not pulling her weight with group projects and that kids will avoid working with her - the equivalent of being the last one picked in P.E. class.

I bet she was petrified to have to speak in front of the class and needed extra time to get her words out but her group just rolled over her.

I would like her teachers to work with her to teach and help her assert herself in situations like this. Given her grade - 7th - I don't want to be a helicopter mom either.

WWYD?

I think you are shifting a burden that is hers and yours onto the teacher. YOU need to work her on organization and speaking skills. If they let her get ONE sentence out she already has a rep. Did you ask the teacher about the presentation? Ask for his/her opinion. Was she just nervous/hesitating or was she REALLY struggling? In your DDs mind, she may have been hesitating, but to others, it may have looked worse.

Get her into a public speaking course outside of school. Look into some tips on how to manage nerves. Stop looking for reasons why your DD is nervous, is not organized, etc. and start looking for solutions/ways you can help her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not take this the wrong way, but with the best will in the world, I suspect your DD may be in the wrong school. It just doesn't sound like a good fit or somewhere where she will flourish and gain confidence.

I understand where you are coming from and DH and I chose this school over our neighborhood school after much debate.

Our other choice for school is the neighborhood middle school with 950 kids crammed into a 40 year old building built for 600. THe school we chose - her current school has 64 kids in her grade and 450 kids 6-12th grade. We debated not sending her to this choice school but when her neuropsych came back the end of 5th grade (5-9) she scored >12-9 grade equivalent and >19.11 age equivalent for reading comprehension, 10-5 grade and 16 age equivalent for spelling, 7-4 grade and 12.8 age for math etc... we thought she could handle the academic and that the smaller environment would be better.

She is not gifted - deducing logic puzzles and other gifted traits are not her strengths, thus the reason she is not gifted . She is a hard worker, though. But shyness is getting in her way....

I completely understand your logic in choosing a smaller school (I am the pp who posted above, about it perhaps not being the right fit). I know its really hard. I wish I could offer more helpful solutions to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not take this the wrong way, but with the best will in the world, I suspect your DD may be in the wrong school. It just doesn't sound like a good fit or somewhere where she will flourish and gain confidence.

I understand where you are coming from and DH and I chose this school over our neighborhood school after much debate.

Our other choice for school is the neighborhood middle school with 950 kids crammed into a 40 year old building built for 600. THe school we chose - her current school has 64 kids in her grade and 450 kids 6-12th grade. We debated not sending her to this choice school but when her neuropsych came back the end of 5th grade (5-9) she scored >12-9 grade equivalent and >19.11 age equivalent for reading comprehension, 10-5 grade and 16 age equivalent for spelling, 7-4 grade and 12.8 age for math etc... we thought she could handle the academic and that the smaller environment would be better.

She is not gifted - deducing logic puzzles and other gifted traits are not her strengths, thus the reason she is not gifted . She is a hard worker, though. But shyness is getting in her way....

Kids are type A and rude, teacher lets them steamroll your daughter, and you're paying for the privilege? How is she doing socially--is she finding a good group of friends among the 30 other girls in her grade? FWIW, our DD has a similar profile to yours and we chose the public middle school, in part because she'd have more possibilities to make friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not take this the wrong way, but with the best will in the world, I suspect your DD may be in the wrong school. It just doesn't sound like a good fit or somewhere where she will flourish and gain confidence.

I understand where you are coming from and DH and I chose this school over our neighborhood school after much debate.

Our other choice for school is the neighborhood middle school with 950 kids crammed into a 40 year old building built for 600. THe school we chose - her current school has 64 kids in her grade and 450 kids 6-12th grade. We debated not sending her to this choice school but when her neuropsych came back the end of 5th grade (5-9) she scored >12-9 grade equivalent and >19.11 age equivalent for reading comprehension, 10-5 grade and 16 age equivalent for spelling, 7-4 grade and 12.8 age for math etc... we thought she could handle the academic and that the smaller environment would be better.

She is not gifted - deducing logic puzzles and other gifted traits are not her strengths, thus the reason she is not gifted . She is a hard worker, though. But shyness is getting in her way....

Kids are type A and rude, teacher lets them steamroll your daughter, and you're paying for the privilege? How is she doing socially--is she finding a good group of friends among the 30 other girls in her grade? FWIW, our DD has a similar profile to yours and we chose the public middle school, in part because she'd have more possibilities to make friends.

No we are not paying - she goes to a choice public school and won the blind lottery but it is highly ranked so it draws many kids from the gifted program - kind of like a charter school in our district but different.