2.5 year age gap or 3.5 year?

[Anonymous]

Anyone with more than two kids out there who can talk about the difference between a 2.5 or 3.5 year age gap? DS is currently 17 months old and we are considering trying for #2 either this year or next. I know both will be fun and great, I'm interested in what things specifically are different, during both the little and bigger kid years.

[Anonymous]

Having done 2.5, I would recommend 3.5 ?

[Anonymous]

Is that a question PP? What about 2.5 was hard for you that you'd recommend another year between the kids instead?

I'm interested in stuff like how the kids relate to each other, being able to do activities as a family with say, a 6 and 4 or a 12 and 10 vs. a 6 and 3 vs 12 and 9. Or in going all the way back to sleeplessness and diapers vs. getting it over with in a consolidated time?

[Anonymous]

My first two are exactly 2.5 apart and the second two are almost 3.5 years apart and I think 3.5 years is much, much better. At 2.5, your first is still really little. At 3.5, they are more independent and can fend for themselves a bit more. Also I find that the second two are closer pals and the first two fight a lot more. Could be a lot of reasons for that but I think when they are very close in age there is more competition.

[Anonymous]

We aimed for 2, ended up with 3.5, and couldn't be happier. The first was out of diapers, in preschool, etc when our second was born.

[Anonymous]

I'm the first PP. Lots of sibling rivalry here. In hindsight I'd have done 3.5 - 4 years. And the "?" was a wink emoticon.

[Anonymous]

I'm best friends with my brother, 3 years older than me. I read somewhere that a 2.5-3.5 gap usually is best for friendship, as children and adults.

Since it took a year to conceive #1, we started on #2 when DS was 20 months, and it took 1 try. So we've got a 2.5 year gap, SNF they are friends and play together, but initially it was hard, since DS was so young.

[Anonymous]

I'm expecting #2 now, and she will be a little more than 3.5 years younger than my #1.

I wasn't ready for a second before now. It would have been more overwhelming for me than for my DS, but I think that's something important to know. Gauge your own capacity and energy.

I really appreciate that my older DS is in preschool now, much more independent, potty trained, sleeping through the night, etc. It will be a hard transition for him because he's gotten used to being an only up until now and because he's old enough to really "get" that things are changing. I've seen some younger kids adjust better because they just go with the flow a little more (but it depends on your kid a lot).

However, I am definitely feeling the gap between the baby years and now. I think a gap of about 3 years would be better than 3.5, though I know it's hard to plan it that exact. My DS is old enough that we haven't had to deal with real "baby" stuff in a while, and I'm starting to totally dread going back to that. I also realize that they will be 4 years apart in school (due to birthday timing more than actual years), and this will mean a longer period where one will be in daycare or at home with me (depending on what we decide to do). It also means just a longer period until they are older and independent. Just some things to consider.

Basically, I think anywhere from 2.5 to 3.5 is a pretty good number. Less than that is really hard, and more just extends the baby years for you (ugh!). I'd start trying with the aim of 2.5 or a little more and then see how long it takes to conceive. It took us about 6 months this time around.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 5 years apart and they have never been jealous of each other. Yet they enjoy playing together. It's a dream... when you start young enough.

[Anonymous]

I only have 2, but they are 3.5 years apart and I think it is great. It was nice that DD was potty trained and old enough to be somewhat understanding and reasonable when DS was born. She never has seemed to feel especially jealous of him but instead has always taken a sort of maternal pride on him. But they are still able to play together a fair amount. Kids are now 7 and 4.

[Anonymous]

Definitely 3.5. Older DC can help me take care of younger DC, yet is still young enough to want to play with him. Also, both DH and I are 3.5 years apart from our siblings, and we both found that it was close enough that we could be friends with our siblings, but just far enough apart so that there is was minimal sibling rivalry. Of course, that could just be our experiences.

[Anonymous]

Ours are 3.5 years apart, and we found that older DC started leaving the "terrible 3s" stage just as younger DC was born. Older DC still occasionally melts down, but it is far more rare than when he was 2.5. That's made it easier to juggle having 2.

[Anonymous]

If you're AMA I wouldn't wait another year just to wait another year.

[Anonymous]

My sister and I are exactly 2.5 years apart and we have always been very close especially as kids. My niece and nephew are also exactly 2.5 years apart and they are surprisingly close and play well together and always have (now 10 and 7.5). I have a 20 month old and am trying to get pregnant now with #2.

[Anonymous]

Ours are exactly 3 years apart and a few more months of spacing would have been nice. Older DC was still very much a toddler when his sister was born, but had really matured (as much as a child can mature) by 3.5.