DS's classmate lost teenaged sibling - what to do for classmate

[Anonymous]

My DS is in 6th grade. A classmate recently lost her sister to a genetic disease. DS has known his classmate since kindergarten, shared many classes with her and considers her a friend - not a girlfriend, just a friend. His classmate has been out of school since her loss, it doesn't seem to have been discussed with the class and I'm not sure how many other kids know. I've asked DS to respect her privacy and follow the lead of his teachers.

My question for the DCUM community is what do you think would be a nice gesture from my DS. We can do a card, of course. Why plan to stop by the viewing. Would a stuffed animal be better than flowers, a box of candy or homemade treats? Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

I suggest a personal, hand-written note instead of a card. The note doesn't have to be long or complicated -- just something in the way of "I'm very sorry for your loss" plus a memory of the friend's sister, if he has one.

[Anonymous]

I assume you're friends with the family since your kids have been friends a long time, or at least acquaintances. I would send a card like you said, and offer to cook dinner for them a couple times or offer gift cards for places that deliver. Word it so that they don't have to contact you, like "I will bring a casserole on Tuesday" rather than "let me know if there's something I can do." As far as DS and his friend, let him know that his friend might want space, or might lash out, or maybe want the opposite and needs someone to talk to. He should be respectful of her feelings and know that if she doesn't want to hang out, it's not a dig at him.

[Anonymous]

When my DD was in 5th or 6th grade, a friend gave her a stuffed animal (very soft rabbit). It surprised me, because the kids were old for stuffed animals. In any event, my DD (now 13) loves it and sleeps with it, especially when she's sad. So I think that age is not too young for a stuffed animal, and it might give her some comfort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my DD was in 5th or 6th grade, a friend gave her a stuffed animal (very soft rabbit). It surprised me, because the kids were old for stuffed animals. In any event, my DD (now 13) loves it and sleeps with it, especially when she's sad. So I think that age is not too young for a stuffed animal, and it might give her some comfort.

I agree. I think that's a very sweet idea.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks, everyone. I appreciate the suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks, everyone. I appreciate the suggestions.

OP, some day your DS will look back on this and know that you are an awesome mom.

[Anonymous]

Instead of gifts, I'd send a car and email mom asking if there is anything you can do to help like getting friend to activities, school, appointments and if they need help with basics like grocery shopping. Or, maybe arrange a play date or two to give mom a break.