s/o Do you look at your kids' friends' Instagram and ask.fm?
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Anonymous
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I monitor my kids' (very early teens) Instagram account - we follow each other, although I try not to Like or Comment on their things much. They keep things appropriate, but if they didn't I would make them delete inappropriate things and have a consequence for repeats.
Anyway, I know many of their friends / acquaintances but there are always new ones I haven't met, and when I notice that kid is now following one of my kids, I will look at their IG page. Most are fine, but some will have things our family considers very inappropriate (heavy gun referencing, calling others "bitch", f this and that, sexualized things, cutting pics, you get it). I'll also click on a kid's ask.fm link and check out their page because they're making it public and it offers some insight on that kid. I'm amazed at what some of these kids put on their social media. It's very easy to find this information as a parent, so why do so many parents allow it? I don't say anything to the parents but my kids know our take on this. Do you check this stuff out as well? |
Anonymous
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I follow my 12 yr old on Instagram and she follows me. A couple of her friends follow me as well. The most upsetting thing on her friends accounts are all the duck-lip poses. If I saw stuff that bothered me, I would talk with DD about it. She's followed a few accounts where they say REALLY sexual things that are offensive to women. I've pointed it out to DD and we talk about it.
DD's friends aren't using Ask.fm and I would shut it down if DD wanted to do it. DD has a Pinterest account for DYI beauty products and room decorating but I don't follow her on that. |
Anonymous
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Yes, I look at other kids' ask.fm. They might be posting crap about your kid.
I don't think most parents know it exists. But one of my kid's 13 year old classmates has this posted to her account: "Roses are red, lemons are sour, open ur legs and give me an hour." I would not let my kid participate in any social media where this type of stuff is going on. |
Anonymous
| OP, here. My kids know they aren't to have ask.fm and if it turns out they do it behind my back they will lose access to social media for a very long time. |
Anonymous
| Ok, I'm clueless. What in the world is ask.fm? |
Anonymous
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Our teen is not on Instagram but if she were, yes, I'd look at her account and at her friends' accounts at times. You need to know if your kid has friends who are posting stuff that's stupid or worse, and what your own kid is seeing. Ask.fm had a terrible reputation for online bullying in Europe. I wasn't aware kids in the U.S. really used it. Our family is in Britain. Do some research on how ask.fm is regarded in Britain and the rest of Europe. Although it seems to have new owners as of last year who have promised changes, it has long been regarded as a site infamous for bullying. Maybe that changed in the past two years but as of 2013-14 the site was being written about in newspapers over there because of its links to bullying that was tied to seven suicides by teens. Look here: http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/aug/19/askfm-askcom-bullying "Users of Ask.fm are able to set up profiles which they use to answer questions other members ask of them. While the answers must be given by a named user, the questions can be asked anonymously, which has led to the site being labelled a hotbed of bullying." Has that changed? Maybe it has, and the new owners promised to root out bullying faster, but I'd be very cautious about letting a kid use that site. |
Anonymous
| I do not have Instagram but my youngest is logged in on my phone and I check it a lot. She posts only dumb pictures of puppies and hairstyles but I sure do learn a lot about her friends from their posts!! My 15 year old is logged in on my iPad and she rarely posts. Neither has ask.fm or Facebook. Snapchat is the one they mostly use and the one I can't monitor! |
Anonymous
Why would you let them have something you can't monitor? The fact that I can't monitor it means my kids do not and will not have it. |
Anonymous
Good luck with that. You would be surprised at what even the "good" kids do electronically behind their parents backs. Stay vigilant. |
Anonymous
I teach middle school, so I think I have a good handle on that. |
Anonymous
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My kids don't have snapchat or ask.fm
I log into their Instagram accounts every couple of days to see what they're posting and seeing. |
Anonymous
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Op, I'm glad you are being vigilent! I also follow my kids on instagram. I've caught dd blocking me acouple of times. Lol. My kids are very good kids, but I have caught them Doing stupid stuff and had to chat with them avout it. I always tell them that every single thing they do online is like a bullet leaving a gun - it's out there and they can't undo it. For awhile, kids were into posting pics with the caption "deleting in 5 min" If they didn't want TOO many people to see it, I guess. Well, dd posted one of those. I took a screen shot of it and Sent it to dh. Told him to screen shot it and pass it on but keep it in the family. Several hours later, We revealed to dd that her "deleted" post lives on. By then, everyone on both sides of her family had seen it and saved it to their own device and then passed it on. Seems cruel, I know, but it really showed her that nothing is truly deleted.
For those who don't know, ask.fm is a site where people ask you questions anonymously. So they can ask You absolutely anything and you have no way of knowing who they are. Bullying is the obvious problem here, but often the kid thinks they know who is posting so they reveal too much. I read dd's classmates where someone was convincing her to meet him. He was saying very inappropriate things. It was obvious that the girl thought it was her crush and was planning to meet him. I let her mom know about it. I also had to inform a mom, who's an acquaintance of mine, that her daughter was posting about cutting and suicide. She ended up taking her to a rehab facility that day. I find it astonishing that parents let their kids jack around on their phone all day and have absolutely no idea what their kid is doing on there. I Also do spontaneous phone checks where I look at everything, including texts. |
Anonymous
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Another middle school teacher here. I grew up in the AIM generation, so I've had my fair share of online interactions, and I think ask.fm is the worst thing that's ever happened to this generation. If you're not familiar with it, look into it, and talk with your kids about why NOT to use it.
When it comes up in class -- usually when we talk about how we treat others -- the kids acknowledge that there's no good that comes from it that couldn't come from a non-anonymous form of social media. There's really no reason for kids to use it. The fact that it's lasted as long as it has scares me. |
Anonymous
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I don't allow my DD to have Snapchat.
I also do spontaneous phone checks, and I recently found a group text where another girl's selfie and text was being forwarded around and mocked, including by my DD. She has lost her phone indefinitely. She has a lot of travel and camps coming up so we're thinking maybe around her birthday in July she might be allowed limited access again. Very limited. She misused her phone and will have to prove responsibility. She is also writing an apology. |
Anonymous
Excellent. |