Aunt Having Affair

[Anonymous]

My aunt, who I love and adore, is having an affair. Like a lot of people caught up in a mess like that, she seems to have no idea anyone else has picked up on her abrupt changes in behavior. She dropped everyone like a hot potato. While the affair is ongoing, it has been about a year now since it first began and I think she is trying to "reintegrate" back into the fold now that the "honeymoon" phase seems to be over. I don't want to confront her, yet I don't want to live the lie with her. I miss her every day though. I am supposed to see her soon and dread it. This unspoken affair has driven a wedge between us. I think she probably knows I know about it. If you were me, would you say something to her or would you accept this "new normal" and move on even though it means losing a relationship that meant the world to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My aunt, who I love and adore, is having an affair. Like a lot of people caught up in a mess like that, she seems to have no idea anyone else has picked up on her abrupt changes in behavior. She dropped everyone like a hot potato. While the affair is ongoing, it has been about a year now since it first began and I think she is trying to "reintegrate" back into the fold now that the "honeymoon" phase seems to be over. I don't want to confront her, yet I don't want to live the lie with her. I miss her every day though. I am supposed to see her soon and dread it. This unspoken affair has driven a wedge between us. I think she probably knows I know about it. If you were me, would you say something to her or would you accept this "new normal" and move on even though it means losing a relationship that meant the world to you?

Are you serious? Why is her affair is so important to you that you are willing to lose a relationship you say you value? It's a personal matter and none of your business. Don't you two have anything else to talk about? You don't need to discuss your aunt's sex life in detail.

[Anonymous]

Move on. There is nothing to be gained by confronting her-- what do you think she's going to say? Nothing that would satisfy you.

Sometimes you have to accept that people you love are capable of some deplorable behavior. And be grateful that it's just your aunt and not one of your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My aunt, who I love and adore, is having an affair. Like a lot of people caught up in a mess like that, she seems to have no idea anyone else has picked up on her abrupt changes in behavior. She dropped everyone like a hot potato. While the affair is ongoing, it has been about a year now since it first began and I think she is trying to "reintegrate" back into the fold now that the "honeymoon" phase seems to be over. I don't want to confront her, yet I don't want to live the lie with her. I miss her every day though. I am supposed to see her soon and dread it. This unspoken affair has driven a wedge between us. I think she probably knows I know about it. If you were me, would you say something to her or would you accept this "new normal" and move on even though it means losing a relationship that meant the world to you?

I always feel that being honest and being wrong is better than living with something unspoken. She is your aunt, you can talk about this with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My aunt, who I love and adore, is having an affair. Like a lot of people caught up in a mess like that, she seems to have no idea anyone else has picked up on her abrupt changes in behavior. She dropped everyone like a hot potato. While the affair is ongoing, it has been about a year now since it first began and I think she is trying to "reintegrate" back into the fold now that the "honeymoon" phase seems to be over. I don't want to confront her, yet I don't want to live the lie with her. I miss her every day though. I am supposed to see her soon and dread it. This unspoken affair has driven a wedge between us. I think she probably knows I know about it. If you were me, would you say something to her or would you accept this "new normal" and move on even though it means losing a relationship that meant the world to you?

I always feel that being honest and being wrong is better than living with something unspoken. She is your aunt, you can talk about this with her.

But what do you expect the aunt to say? Yes, I'm a horrible person, but I'll stop because you want me to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My aunt, who I love and adore, is having an affair. Like a lot of people caught up in a mess like that, she seems to have no idea anyone else has picked up on her abrupt changes in behavior. She dropped everyone like a hot potato. While the affair is ongoing, it has been about a year now since it first began and I think she is trying to "reintegrate" back into the fold now that the "honeymoon" phase seems to be over. I don't want to confront her, yet I don't want to live the lie with her. I miss her every day though. I am supposed to see her soon and dread it. This unspoken affair has driven a wedge between us. I think she probably knows I know about it. If you were me, would you say something to her or would you accept this "new normal" and move on even though it means losing a relationship that meant the world to you?

I always feel that being honest and being wrong is better than living with something unspoken. She is your aunt, you can talk about this with her.

But what do you expect the aunt to say? Yes, I'm a horrible person, but I'll stop because you want me to?

That is fairly ridiculous. I would expect the aunt and the OP to start to repair the wedge that is between them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My aunt, who I love and adore, is having an affair. Like a lot of people caught up in a mess like that, she seems to have no idea anyone else has picked up on her abrupt changes in behavior. She dropped everyone like a hot potato. While the affair is ongoing, it has been about a year now since it first began and I think she is trying to "reintegrate" back into the fold now that the "honeymoon" phase seems to be over. I don't want to confront her, yet I don't want to live the lie with her. I miss her every day though. I am supposed to see her soon and dread it. This unspoken affair has driven a wedge between us. I think she probably knows I know about it. If you were me, would you say something to her or would you accept this "new normal" and move on even though it means losing a relationship that meant the world to you?

I always feel that being honest and being wrong is better than living with something unspoken. She is your aunt, you can talk about this with her.

But what do you expect the aunt to say? Yes, I'm a horrible person, but I'll stop because you want me to?

That is fairly ridiculous. I would expect the aunt and the OP to start to repair the wedge that is between them.

Why do you expect that would happen?

[Anonymous]

What do you mean "supposed" to see her?
See her, or don't see her. You choose.
If you're at a family event, you can choose to make small talk only and move on.

[Anonymous]

What do you expect to accomplish by confronting her? Do you think her husband doesn't know if you've been able to figure it out?

[Anonymous]

I don't think my uncle knows because he is older than my aunt and in declining health. He is largely checked out and not nearly as sharp as he once was. I just don't know what to say to her anymore because she has missed so much and has been lying for so long.

[Anonymous]

It has so altered the family dynamic that I find myself angry. I am not interested in the prurient details and I long ago realized the damage was done. I just don't know how to carry on as usual. She even had the guy at a party and introduced him as a dear, new friend.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry for you, I really am. I've been through something similar and it really does suck. It's fine to be angry. But there isn't a solution that will satisfy you.

What do you actually plan to say, and what do you expect her to say in return? Realistically, what could she possibly say that would make things better for you?

[Anonymous]

Thank you PP. I get why it is happening and how my aunt's circumstances made her vulnerable to it. I don't want or need an explanation or an apology. I would forgive her anyway and she doesn't owe me an explanation. I just want the charade to stop. More than anything, I want things to be the way they used to be.

[Anonymous]

Then don't talk about the affair, but do tell her that you've missed her. That you've felt a distance and miss the way things used to be.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it. You want to confront her so you can both stop pretending. I've never dealt with a situation like this but I understand your distress. It would be a very difficult subject to bring up. If you are as close as you say, you should be able to talk to your aunt about it.