Any adoptees/birth families in reunion?

[Anonymous]

To make a long story short, I probably have found my birth family. We're all awaiting DNA results for confirmation, but I would say at this point, it's 99% for sure that it's them. I know there's a birth mother who reads this site who is very against birth family searches, so I'm just putting it out there that in my case, EVERYONE involved (my adoptive family and my potential birth family) is very willing and hopeful that we've found each other.

I'm an international adoptee and there obviously is a language barrier. What sort of tips do you have for adoptees who are going to meet their birth families? I believe my potential birth mom wants to meet my adoptive parents, but is such a monumental meeting best left to just b-mom and adoptee? Should I bring my children?

They don't make a manual for things like this, so any experiences/advice people who have BTDT can share would be most appreciated!

[Anonymous]

Could this possibly be a family vacation? Probably the first day, it should just be b-mom and adoptee. Can you say which country this is? Culture may affect this, but there is a great possibility that b-mom would be overjoyed to meet your children, so if you can afford it, it could be a wonderful experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could this possibly be a family vacation? Probably the first day, it should just be b-mom and adoptee. Can you say which country this is? Culture may affect this, but there is a great possibility that b-mom would be overjoyed to meet your children, so if you can afford it, it could be a wonderful experience.

OP here. It could well be a family vacation and my parents would be so excited to come. The thing that holds me back is that by bringing my parents and children, I'd be placed in a role of being both daughter and mom and selfishly, I'd like to take the time to process this momentous occasion without worrying about my family. I think I want to just be daughter. BUT, it is an expensive trip and unfortunately, I don't anticipate being able to return any time soon, so perhaps it would be better if we could all meet.

It's an Asian country where adoption has been stigmatized and looked down upon. And...one of my children is adopted from the same country, so I don't know how my birth family will react to that.

[Anonymous]

Not international, so it may not be as relevant, but my husband met his birth mother and her family for the first time on his own. That was very good for him, because he didn't have to be concerned about anyone else. Later, we have all gone on to meet them. Congrats on the potential reunion. That is very special.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to say congrats and best wishes, OP. I am an adoptive mom of two adopted internationally (China) and would fully encourage and support their doing this as well if they were so inclined. Please keep us posted, if you care to. Best of luck! I am happy for you!

[Anonymous]

Domestic adoptee here. When I reunited with my birthmom, she came by herself to stay with me for a week (I took the week off from work). The only other family around was my DW and DD. I think that it worked best that way; we both weren't overwhelmed and had time to catch up during the day and in the evenings my mom got to become acquainted with her granddaughter and DIL. The next year we flew out to see my mom and I wound up seeing my extended birth family then.

Best of luck OP and congrats to you!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Domestic adoptee here. When I reunited with my birthmom, she came by herself to stay with me for a week (I took the week off from work). The only other family around was my DW and DD. I think that it worked best that way; we both weren't overwhelmed and had time to catch up during the day and in the evenings my mom got to become acquainted with her granddaughter and DIL. The next year we flew out to see my mom and I wound up seeing my extended birth family then.

Best of luck OP and congrats to you!!!!!

Did your adoptive mom participate in this? Not asking with snark. Just curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Domestic adoptee here. When I reunited with my birthmom, she came by herself to stay with me for a week (I took the week off from work). The only other family around was my DW and DD. I think that it worked best that way; we both weren't overwhelmed and had time to catch up during the day and in the evenings my mom got to become acquainted with her granddaughter and DIL. The next year we flew out to see my mom and I wound up seeing my extended birth family then.

Best of luck OP and congrats to you!!!!!

Did your adoptive mom participate in this? Not asking with snark. Just curious.

With my family dynamic being what it was, I felt it best to keep my APs completely out of the picture as far as the reunion went.

[Anonymous]

Adoptive mom here. I think it should be just you. You deserve this time to feel whatever you may feel without also attending to other people. What you are describing is my fantasy, that one day my kids will have access to all of their family, but seeing it would probably be so emotional. If I've raised my sons right they'll care about that and it might interfere. Bring your family next timr. Best, next luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Domestic adoptee here. When I reunited with my birthmom, she came by herself to stay with me for a week (I took the week off from work). The only other family around was my DW and DD. I think that it worked best that way; we both weren't overwhelmed and had time to catch up during the day and in the evenings my mom got to become acquainted with her granddaughter and DIL. The next year we flew out to see my mom and I wound up seeing my extended birth family then.

Best of luck OP and congrats to you!!!!!

Did your adoptive mom participate in this? Not asking with snark. Just curious.

With my family dynamic being what it was, I felt it best to keep my APs completely out of the picture as far as the reunion went.

And how do they feel about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Domestic adoptee here. When I reunited with my birthmom, she came by herself to stay with me for a week (I took the week off from work). The only other family around was my DW and DD. I think that it worked best that way; we both weren't overwhelmed and had time to catch up during the day and in the evenings my mom got to become acquainted with her granddaughter and DIL. The next year we flew out to see my mom and I wound up seeing my extended birth family then.

Best of luck OP and congrats to you!!!!!

Did your adoptive mom participate in this? Not asking with snark. Just curious.

With my family dynamic being what it was, I felt it best to keep my APs completely out of the picture as far as the reunion went.

And how do they feel about that?

If they had any issues they never told me about it. FWIW though I'm not particularly close to my adopted family.

[Anonymous]

Congrat's. Some of my child's birth family is in another country - grandparents and other relatives. Some speak enough passable english and theirs has improved. We use google translate and other translators but they often don't do a great job. We have a wonderful relationship (the kid is just the bonus but we are all family now).

It will depend on each family. There is no predicting how it will go but its reasonable to want to know more about where you come from. I'd talk to your parents and remind them you love them and aren't trying to replace them. If they are interested, let them join you. The unknown is far more scary than the know (which is why we choose open adoption but obviously that wasn't an option for you).

Good luck! I hope it works out well. You can never have too many people to love you.

[Anonymous]

Korean adoptee here. I would want to meet for the first time by myself or just with my spouse. I haven't met my birth mom but we have been in contact. I was able to meet my birth dad 's brother. It was super awkward. Not bad just very very surreal and strange and the cultural and language barriers are huge.

[Anonymous]

And actually there are books out there. I think I found one at the library called Adoption Reunion Survival Guide. I forgot to mention that it helped me a lot because the reason I haven't met my birth mom despite making contact is that she backed out last minute, which was devastating. The book did mention some worst case scenarios so you won't be entirely naive about reunions.