how to convert acquaintances to friends?

[Anonymous]

i've always had trouble making friends. my closest friends date all the way back to middle school. ever since high school, i've lived in self induced social isolation. i always feel like i don't have anything in common with anyone so its hard for me to engage with them for a long time.

please help!

[Anonymous]

Is it just that you "feel" you don't have anything in common, or do you know you don't have anything in common (ie, have you asked/explored?)?

If you have acquaintances you want to convert to friends, you find ways (common interests) to spend more time doing together, and gradually sharing more and more about yourself with them.

If you have acquaintances and you've already tried doing the above and find that you really just do have nothing in common - no shared interests - then you should find groups of people doing the things you enjoy doing - groups who already have the same shared interests.

If you are just shy and not opening up to people, you're going to have to just do that.

[Anonymous]

I have this problem too. I don't invite anyone anywhere, I haven't really found people I feel like I click with, and I'm an introvert who likes solitary hobbies. So, take my advice with a grain of salt. I'd suggest choosing an interest you have and try to find people who share that interest, who meet regularly, or form your own club on meetup. Think about all the people you know and if there are any you would like to get to know better, invite one to do something. You could also try volunteering so the focus is off you and whether you have anything in common with anyone.

[Anonymous]

When talking to others, ask more questions and try to find any similarities you may have with them. I am sure you have things in common with other people, we ALL do. Perhaps you are simply not talking to other people long enough or you just are too shy.

Work on developing some confidence on you as a great and interesting person.

Once you feel more confident, suggest to others a get together.

If it will help, you can always segue into it.

For ex: When discussing your mutual love for horror flicks or rom coms, suggest that such and such film is coming out and you would love to see it, however you are not big on going to movie theatres alone. Perhaps this other person would like to catch a matinee with you next week....??!

[Anonymous]

Why do you feel you don't have anything in common with anyone? I doubt your interests are really that arcane. (or you may not have interests, which would concern me more than you not having friends.)

You don't need to have everything in common for someone to be your friend. You just have to have something in common that you can bond over. I have different friends for different purposes/areas of my life. I have mom friends with whom I do playdates and non-mom friends with whom I go out when I'm child-free. I have friends who like concerts or sports so we can go to those events. I have runner/triathlete friends with whom I can talk about workouts, or run together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When talking to others, ask more questions and try to find any similarities you may have with them. I am sure you have things in common with other people, we ALL do. Perhaps you are simply not talking to other people long enough or you just are too shy.

Work on developing some confidence on you as a great and interesting person.

Once you feel more confident, suggest to others a get together.

If it will help, you can always segue into it.

For ex: When discussing your mutual love for horror flicks or rom coms, suggest that such and such film is coming out and you would love to see it, however you are not big on going to movie theatres alone. Perhaps this other person would like to catch a matinee with you next week....??!

Yes to all of this. And find stuff you want to do and invite people. I want to go to this movie/art opening/new restaurant/political rally/what-have-you, are you interested in going? And understand that some people will say no (too busy, not a good time, not interested), but you just keep trying.