question about consultation with neuropsych Wednesday

[Anonymous]

My husband, 4yo son, and I will be attending a consultation with a neuropsychologist on Wednesday. I called and left a message for the psychologist and we've been playing phone tag, but I'm a little confused about what to expect. The secretary said definitely bring the kid and, if possible, both parents should attend. I asked whether there would be someone for DS to sit with while DH and I talk to the psychologist, since I can't talk about DS right in front of him. She said that we would have to have parents take turns and have one parent sit with the child while the other parent talks. They don't have anyone who can watch DS because his is so young. I'm kind of flabbergasted that there isn't someone who can stay with our kid so that DH and I can talk openly and honestly with the psychologist. Is this typical? We are going to a pediatric hospital for the consultation so I am sure I can't be the first one to ask this. Hopefully the psychologist will call me back so we can figure this out.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised. When we did our neuropsychs there was a kids play room

[Anonymous]

That would be a deal breaker -- who are you seeing?

When we had our neuro-psych, we had one appointment just for parents; kid was at school. The evaluation/testing took place on other days.

I would not be willing to do an abbreviated history because the child was waiting outside.

[Anonymous]

My son was in the room for the entire time. I really didn't see a need for him to leave the room since we were talking about him. There wasn't anything inappropriate said in front of him. Do you anticipate this?

[Anonymous]

The psychologist called me back. He said that they have volunteers who can stay with DS while DH and I talk to him and he said he'd try to get a volunteer. I still don't get why this isn't standard. Sounds like if I hadn't called and specifically asked, they wouldn't have had a volunteer.

I think they mostly do school-aged kids and, that way, the kids can just wait in the waiting area. But for a kid this age, that doesn't work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son was in the room for the entire time. I really didn't see a need for him to leave the room since we were talking about him. There wasn't anything inappropriate said in front of him. Do you anticipate this?

There's nothing inappropriate that we'll talk about, but he gets very uncomfortable when I talk about his problematic behavior in front of him, talking about him in the third person. I don't blame him. He's four. He doesn't want us to say bad things about him. I would think that this is typical.

[Anonymous]

Deal breaker. We saw one neuropsych who operated like this - had the whole family in the room. DS was so humiliated he went under the examining room table and started sucking my thumb which he had never, ever done before. Then after only an hour's talk, we were excused. The report never came. Only after our pediatrician called three times did we get the report, which turned out to be incorrect. OP, I don't think you are dealing with a top professional.

[Anonymous]

A child should never be in the room while parents discuss his/her behavior with a doctor/counselor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would be a deal breaker -- who are you seeing?

When we had our neuro-psych, we had one appointment just for parents; kid was at school. The evaluation/testing took place on other days.

I would not be willing to do an abbreviated history because the child was waiting outside.

This. When we did our neuro-psych, the family history part lasted a couple of hours. There's no way a kid can (or should) hang out in the waiting room. And talking to one parent and then the other is just silly.

[Anonymous]

We've had consults with various specialists last an hour or two with our child just playing outside in the hall or waiting room with whatever toys they had in the office. He was four at the time.

He was fine but I did leave him with a bag full of snacks which he demolished each time. In retrospect I guess it was weird they expected a child to entertain himself for that long.

The only place we went to that made any sort of effort to address this was KKI. They have a playroom with babysitters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A child should never be in the room while parents discuss his/her behavior with a doctor/counselor.

Says who? I disagree with this. The kid has a role to play in being accountable for his actions. Of course, it's not fun for a four year old to sit through hours of grown up discussion but the kid is a partner in his own health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A child should never be in the room while parents discuss his/her behavior with a doctor/counselor.

Says who? I disagree with this. The kid has a role to play in being accountable for his actions. Of course, it's not fun for a four year old to sit through hours of grown up discussion but the kid is a partner in his own health.

We are talking about a 4 year old. A 4 yo is t going to hear that conversation and think, "gee, I need to be more accountable for my behavior," a 4 yo is going to think, "I'm a really bad kid. Mommy and daddy can't even deal with me, I must be the worst kid ever." And then he will internalize it in a deep way.

Parents need the freedom to have really frank discushions of thei kids behavioral issues in a context like this without worrying about the emotional impact to the child of hearing it.

[Anonymous]

It would be expensive to have them pay a second person to babysit. Its not a reasonable request, even if it is necessary.