Visitation for 3 m/o baby

[Anonymous]

Hi,
I was just wondering if anyone here has had some visitation arrangement for a small baby. Her dad sees her 3 times a week.
Tuesday 4 30pm to 8am on Wed
Thursday same as above
Sat he sees her 4 hours.

He says he wants to see her more, Im Breastfeeding so I feel more visitation time would be a burden, since I would have to pump more but I do think in whats fair. Does this schedule seems good? She is just 3 months.

Thanks in advance

[Anonymous]

It doesn't seem like a lot, but I don't know the whole story - are both of you working FT jobs? Do you live far away from each other that a lot time is lost in the commute?

Can the dad come over and spend time with his DD while you're home - so, you can breast feed her when needed (saving yourself pumping time) and Daddy can still have some time with the baby?

Is more visitation time a burden simply because you have to pump?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, to the extent you can stomach one another's presence, his spending time with both of you might be a good solution for now. I know it's hard, best wishes.

[Anonymous]

I think it sounds like a lot and very fair for a 3month old breastfed baby.

The pump isn't as good at getting milk out as your baby- so too much time of pumping and not feeding her could hurt your supply/demand, especially as she gets older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, to the extent you can stomach one another's presence, his spending time with both of you might be a good solution for now. I know it's hard, best wishes.

I was actually taking the baby to his place for 4 hours so he could see her and play. He said that he doesnt like me being there and asked if I could just drop her and leave.
It might sound silly the fact that I dont like pumping, but it does hurt a lot and since he takes her over night twice a week I have been getting very painful clogged milk ducts (sorry for the TMI).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, to the extent you can stomach one another's presence, his spending time with both of you might be a good solution for now. I know it's hard, best wishes.

I was actually taking the baby to his place for 4 hours so he could see her and play. He said that he doesnt like me being there and asked if I could just drop her and leave.
It might sound silly the fact that I dont like pumping, but it does hurt a lot and since he takes her over night twice a week I have been getting very painful clogged milk ducts (sorry for the TMI).

I'm no expert, but I think that 3 months is really young and the baby shouldn't be away from Mom for long periods of time. It's not ideal and I know it's hard, but I think this is one area moms and dads are "not" equal. He should suck it up for a bit and realize it's not forever. I applaud him for making the effort to see his kid, but this is a tiny infant. Nursing has to factor into this.

[Anonymous]

My babydaddy (love that word, it's so Springer-esque) has been taking our daughter for 24-hour overnights since she was about 6 weeks old. He's been extremely good with her from the beginning, so we were both comfortable with this arrangement. He either picks her up from daycare Friday and keeps her till 5/6 on Saturday or has her from 5/6 Saturday to 5/6 Sunday and it's working out well. That way we each have one weekend night "out" away from the baby and one weekend morning to sleep in.

He also comes over for a few hours once a week and picks her up at daycare so I can work a little later and go to the gym. Then I come home and we have dinner together and hang out for an hour or two. The relationship between us has been amicable, so I enjoy spending a little time with him.

I'm not BFing, though - DD's been on formula from the beginning. that makes our arrangement a lot easier.

[Anonymous]

4:30 PM to 8 AM twice a week sounds like a LOT to me, for a breastfed baby.

[Anonymous]

most 'experts' recommend no overnights away from mom. We did no overnights with dad until she was close to one year, then 1-2 per week. Its hard to figure this out but things change very quickly as they get older. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

agreed - we did no overnights until he was 10 months - and then only 1 night a week. babies so young need security, familar surroundings........

[Anonymous]

This discussion is so incredibly sad to me, on so many levels....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This discussion is so incredibly sad to me, on so many levels....

Why is it sad? My son's father wants nothing to do w/ him. I think that's sad. How I would love for him to spend a day or even a few days w/ him and do "guy" things together. My own father wasn't interested in my brother or myself. A father who wants to spend time w/ his child has a very lucky child indeed.

[Anonymous]

I don't really agree with the "no overnights" rule. Our daughter has had one overnight a week (occasionally 2) with her father since she was 6 weeks old (she's now 6 months) and she's always done just fine with it.

[Anonymous]

9:36 That could change when she hits nine months or so. They go through different attachment stages. Maybe not, of course, every baby's different.