My father is engaged...feeling weird about it.

[Anonymous]

I've posted here before about my father. He meets a woman, moves at warp speed,it fizzles out and I am left to talk him through it until he finds his next distraction. My main issue with him is that he adopts their lifestyle and interests. Does she enjoy riding motorcylcles? He buys a motorcycle. Is she a jewelry maker who want to live in the mountains? He gets on Zillow and starts looking for goat farms to buy in the hills.
Does she enjoy playing tennis? He turns into Pete Sampras. It's maddening. The man seems to have no actual interests of his own.
He met a woman about a year ago through OK Cupid.
They moved in 4 weeks later. He proceeded to be consumed by her lifestyle immediately. DH and I reached out several times. We invited dad and his new lady to dinner. They would go, but never reciprocated. We were never invited to their home and my father and I barely spoke anymore. He just never called me. She also didn't seem really interested in getting to know me. Over the last month or so, she has shown more interest though.
Yesterday, my sister informed me that he bought a ring and would be proposing to her on a a trip they were taking.
I am so bothered by this. Like-really really bothered. I know it's stupid, but I was very upset to hear this. I love him and want him to be happy, but I can't help but feel like he is making a monumental mistake. This will be marriage 3.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I would love some practical advice or insight into how to deal with this and be happy for him.
Please be nice.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. I think it's OK to have mixes feelings about your dad's new relationship, especially given his dating/marriage history. You certainly don't NEED to feel happy for him! I think it's fine to tell him that you love him and miss him and want him to be happy.

[Anonymous]

It's ok, OP. Just take a deep breath and try to dis-engage. Your father is doing what makes sense to him, just like we all are. It's his mistake to make. Lots of people have parents who make bad, baffling choices, and people with normal and sensible parents just don't understand what it's like. But you've got plenty of company here.

My dad is 3x married as well, and it was hard not to roll my eyes when he said "till death do us part". But what can you do? Nothing! Sorry for the tough love, but that's the conclusion I've come to.

[Anonymous]

Your dad is insecure. You can't fix this.

It's also okay to be uncomfortable with the situation.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. I've watched my father make very interesting, unwise choices over the years but I have learned that there is just no place in his mind for me to weigh in with my advice. I would just advise you to be kind if not necessarily supportive, and limit your contact where you need to for your own sanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your dad is insecure. You can't fix this.

It's also okay to be uncomfortable with the situation.

My thoughts, too. My 45 year old brother is exactly the same way. He is all-consumed by whatever girlfriend he's with. I call him Tofu Dude, because he has no personality of his own -- just absorbs the personality of his girlfriend. It's pretty sickening to watch. He has absolutely zero self-esteem. It's fine when he's with a nice person. It's a nightmare when he's with someone dysfunctional.

I don't think there is much you can do about it other than hope she's good to him.